movie idea: someone put a bomb on a bus. and if the bus slows down, the bomb explodes. call it something simple and catchy, like "fast bus"

two episodes into pluribus and oh yeah i'm #TeamUs

my sexual fantasies: "your plex server is soooooo cool"

i'm not actively dating but i am hoping the list of movies in my account history is mysterious and eclectic enough to entice an as-of-yet unidentified gorgeous and charming video rental store employee three states away to slip their number into the next envelope

not to rain on anyone's parade or anything but it was 75 degrees yesterday on november 4th in denver so when can we expect this democratic momentum will lead to some kind of climate action

coworker on a zoom call sneezed loudly, muted for a conspicuously long period of time, and her first words back were "sneeze louise!" like it was an expletive

every other saturday i spend ten to fourteen hours ripping movie rentals to a big hard drive. no i don't watch the movies. the hobby is storing the files. i am looking for the love of my life

i am worried my dog may be love bombing me

installed the sims on my work computer and made sims of all my coworkers as my wives. got fired

if you buy all your shampoo from amazon they know how often you shower and if you don't buy enough they put you in a database of stinky customers

starfield is such a tragedy because the reasons it sucks run so deep and the reasons it's good are so surface-level but somehow it manages to feel like a huge missed opportunity anyway

climate scientists believe that by 2030 all of november through february (previously called 'winter') will be shorts-and-hoodie weather

when you really think about it a refrigerator is just a place to put your food to keep it cold

i'm going to start putting twenty bucks on whoever the vikings are playing so i either get to be happy that my team wins or happy that i made four dollars

the minnesota vikings are simply lulling the league into a false sense of security. no one will expect an eight game run when we're 3-6

does anyone know why it now takes somewhere between five minutes and eight months to receive 2FA codes when it used to be like a 25-second affair

this tattoo is very ugly. which is probably more disqualifying than a tattoo which is evil

okay. i gotta admit though. this scratches the itch. this is classic battlefield stuff and it feels great

java updater needs administrator approval to make changes? sure, knock yourself out

also getting a blu-ray drive and a 24tb hdd so i can rip all the japanese horror movies i rent by mail

i'm about to build my third computer (2012, 2020, and this one) and i think i'm finally going to try a windows/linux dual boot kind of scenario

found out if you try to doordash those steak nuggets they send police to do a wellness check

do you condemn hamas and hasan piker

battlefield 6 really went out of their way to give you no one cool to play as. no PLA no communists no rebels. your choices are america and blackrock

this christmas we're bringing back asbestos snow

this is my first time taking a week of PTO with a salaried job and it's way more difficult to stop thinking about work when i know i could just go check my email without needing to clock in or anything. this sucks

one of the foremost political issues in america today is that there is no term for day drinking that sounds as fun and whimsical as the 'wake 'n bake'

checking out battlefield 6 and it's fun. haven't seen an enemy in about ten minutes but i've died six times

looking to marry someone who is willing to legally change our names to those of fred flintstone's uncle and mother-in-law, tex hardrock and pearl slaghoople. i'll be either one i don't even care which

there's never been a better time to take all of your money out of US dollars and put it into alternative investment vehicles like water futures or your friend's 3D printed gun startup

alexa, add his name to my assassination list

growing up in churches and christian schools is interesting because when you're an adult you just assume everyone you knew as a kid grew out of it the same way you did and then you reconnect and find out they still take that shit completely seriously

the year was 2013. and we didn't know how good we had it

turns out it's just enough caffeine to kill you and just enough thc to keep you alive

working on dialing in the exact combination of thc and caffeine that will allow me to enjoy refining a 5000 line SQL query for 14 hours on a saturday

planning to commit an act of domestic terrorism, but worried the authorities will try to BURY your message? invest in MANIFESTOken, the digital currency that stores YOUR deranged ramblings in an IMMUTABLE PUBLIC LEDGER

two-factor authentication is out of control. i do not care if someone gains access to my buffalo wild wings account

going from campus to campus sitting in a little tent on the quad under a banner that says "assassinate me"

i'm paying a brazilian meat influencer five figures to marinate me when i die

don't let the charlie kirk news overshadow the fact that just two days ago jonathan james mccarthy mounted a twenty-one point comeback on the road in the fourth quarter of his nfl debut on monday night football

i want to thank co-star for helping me make a BIG decision today ❤️

elmer's flamin' hot glue

i am being paid thirty thousand dollars to name my little baby son Fanduel

playing the new madden game. i moved the packers out of green bay. they're the Portland River Hogs now and so far they're 0-6

i do NOT want ANY security cameras in my home. what if i see a ghost on there

the foremost tension in the relationship between me and my dog is that i think of the spatial-temporal 'place' that comprises a walk as a space to pass through, while he considers it a destination

american prosperity is reaching NEW HEIGHTS. my employer sent out an email today saying "we're moving all our employee 401ks from US stock funds to international stock funds. opt out before the end of august if you're a dumbass"

[changing payment option from my credit card to my debit card] i want to feel it. i want it to hurt

recently decided to 'get back into skating' at 32 years old and so far that has looked like me on teams calls at my standing desk trying to do longer and longer stationary manuals in the middle of my work day