smoothie

Seize The Day G*yLords

I find it so bizarre how some guys you’ll match with multiple times across several apps over time and they’ll even follow & like your posts but when you attempt to chat to them they’ll never reply or it literally never goes beyond one response like what’s the fucking point mate what we doing here 🤣

old mcdonald had an arm 💪🏼

Walked up to a twink and he asked me how old I was… I just walked away. Humbled 🤣

When a weather app lies to me? Fine, I’m used to that. When a bus timetable app lies to me? Well that’s the ultimate kind of BETRAYAL

Does it tickle? 👨🏻

Lad.

Hi I guess.

Have to go into the office tomorrow for the first time in years 😭 would it be weird if I brought my slippers to wear? 🥺

Having to turn the big light on now at 2pm every afternoon is such a grim state of affairs 😢

who called them "the Huns" and not "H from Steppes"

not sure why avocado gets picked on so much when it’s olive oil and kimchi that does the real financial damage

🍃😷

level up your baked beans game by adding in some marmite or curry powder. trust me 👨🏻‍🍳

am so weak/ill right now I almost got taken out choking on a noodle 😵 it’s not looking for good for little old me

legalize farting on machine hoggers at the gym 💨

petrol has no business smelling that good 😩

i appreciate he’s been on holiday but i cannae believe we are into Day 3 of a West Indies test match and still no post from @mattsmally.bsky.social ??? shocking game’s gone! 🏏 🏝️

Being old is learning to live with your injuries rather than recover from them 😅🙃

whoever invented cauliflower cheese deserves unlimited backshots

ppl get far too militant over coke vs pepsi (or full-fat, diet, max, zero etc) put the cans down and drink some waterrr

Finally caught up with Andor so I can scroll again with utter whimsy and no fear of spoilage 🤠

experiencing vicarious joy through all you Elder Scrolls whores rinsing Oblivion. Too knee-deep in other games and life to jump into it atm but MY GOD I hope they do a remastered Morrowind soon 😩🫣🤠 PS: wood elf archer all the fucking way baby 🏹

Cooking influencers need to stop acting like 30mins is a quick meal. That’s just a normal span of fucking time. A quick meal would be me slapping a fried egg on a bowl of instant noodles. Or pouring nuts/beans into a pot of hummus and eating that bitch out like a yoghurt.

it does amuse me how consistently broke homosexuals manage to pull £100s out of their ass for concert tickets

Do not trust folk that voluntarily use a laptop touchpad rather than plug a mouse in. Derangement.

Love the early morning light like I’ve woken up, read my book with a coffee, perused the news, eaten breakfast, taken two shits and am just on my way to the gym. It’s only just gone half 7. I am ready to storm the fucking Bastille son

This probably isn’t the developers’ top priority (although it should be), but I’d love to see the Bluesky app have an option to switch to the Julian calendar for those of us who reject the lies of Pope Gregory XIII

Why is The Masked Singer still a thing looool

‘Get Ready With Me’ omg fck off… Are you a toddler? Do I need to come tie your shoelaces for you too? Like, just post a thirst trap OR post your outfit. Nobody needs to join you on your fcking epic journey of getting dressed for the day. Fckkk off.

A knife that's just been used to slice bread can go back in the drawer. Bread doesn't count.

I’m sorry but if the fajita/burrito is not completely prolapsing like the beat-up and battered bumhole of some bottom in the Berghain basement bathroom then it aaain’t worth my time I should be fucking filthy when I’m done A pure act of piggotry 🐽

my default utensil of choice for making a cuppa is a fork. become ungovernable 🤙🏼

Sadly, my blonde era has been lost to the sands of time… Twas the year 2002 AD. Still in primary school. Cheeky highlights in a spiked up fringe. My humble, camera-less Nokia 3310 could not capture this significant moment in history 😮‍💨💀

it’s porridge season baby 🥣 🐻 we’re so back

Defeated.

En route to an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet for lunch. Naturally gone for the elasticated waistband. Strong tactics. Much wise 🫃🏻