A very big Onion announcement: The Onion has spent the last two months working on a masterpiece. It's a documentary titled Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile. It's so good, in fact, we were set to release it in theatres nationwide on October 2nd. Then two weeks ago, Charlie Kirk was shot.

If Californians don't pass Prop 50 on November 4th, Donald Trump will rig the 2026 election and steal control of Congress.

Excellent! Release the Epstein Files Survivors are waiting for Justice Predators are still active

BREAKING: House of Representatives to force vote on release of Epstein Files, in defiance of Speaker Johnson's attempts to silence them.

“We are living in an authoritarian state.” Gift Article George Packer @theatlantic.com “It didn’t feel that way this morning, when I took my dog for his usual walk in the park and dew from the grass glittered on my boots in the rising sunlight. It doesn’t…” www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archiv...

Trump's war on free speech is "f***ing crazy." Check out our new six-figure ad campaign running on Manosphere podcasts highlighting the comedians and podcasters standing up and speaking out against the Trump Administration's censorship.

Motherfuckers. And I don't even like Comey.

Trump and Elon embarrassed by Latest DOGE Report. The General Services Administration is reaching out to employees fired by DOGE in Elon Musk’s cost-cutting, in hopes they will return to work.

These are crimes. DOGE affiliates committed crimes. They stole our information.

independent journalist jimmy tobias is suing the interior department in an effort to release information about DOGE employees, which he says the agency has not been providing despite repeated FOIA requests

The craziest thing about putting Charlie Kirk on dollar coins is that Trump is in the Epstein Files.

Oh, hell no.

Trump brags about White House upgrades as Americans struggle with high prices

JUST IN: A Trump-appointed judge — confirmed just two weeks ago — has joined the chorus of federal judges who say the Trump administration is likely misusing mandatory detention for people it is attempting to deport. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

As we resist tyranny, America gains solidarity. As we gain solidarity, we build courage. As we feel courageous and stand up to Trump, we weaken him and his regime. Let's continue to build solidarity by peacefully opposing our tyrant-in-chief at No Kings Day 2.0 on October 18.

800 detainees are missing after being held in Alligator Alcatraz in July, showing no record of their location in ICE’s database. Other detainees have been mistakenly deported or sent to detention centers thousands of miles away. The cruelty is the point.

Trump's second term has been filled with chaos and dysfunction. But none of it is random. It's part of a plot to spread cynicism and get you to check out. Oligarchs don't want you to keep paying attention. That's how they win. Don't tune out. Don't let them win.

Three rural clinics in Virginia are already closing this year as a direct result of Trump and Republicans’ big, ugly bill. Hundreds of rural hospitals and clinics are at risk due to the bill’s devastating cuts to Medicaid – all to pay for massive tax cuts for the rich. Priorities.

Is this supposed to be a threat? They did this exact thing while the government was open

Actions now being taken by Trump and his regime may seem far-removed from your daily life or the lives of people you care about. But they’re not. I don't want to alarm you, but I do want you to be prepared. https://robertreich.substack.com/p/warning-to-you-and-your-loved-ones

Trump has cracked down on universities and abducted student protestors. He sued news outlets over reporting he didn’t like. He cut off funding for public broadcasting because he thought it was biased against him. We must fight back against all of Trump’s attacks on free speech.

You can be mad at Jim Comey for what he did to HRC in 2016 and also decry any potential indictment as bullshit. You can do both.

🎃🎃

I can't believe MSNBC is falling for this "anti-ice" on the bullet thing. The shooter's brother says he wasn't political and didn't have strong feelings about ICE. Where's the scrutiny?

This is going to be in my head all day. IYKYK

NEW: Kimmel back on the air, or is he? Lindsey Halligan has a week to indict Jim Comey on vibes. The Supreme Court bucks 90 years of precedent. And a win for voting rights in Arizona. All the news that's fit to swear about: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...

Here's the verdict sheet for Ryan Routh, Trump's would-be assassin, who was found guilty of all charges.

“An escalator can never break down. It can only become stairs. You’ll never see an escalator out of order sign. Just escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” - Mitch Hedberg

Trump hyped a huge autism announcement for months then followed through today with a press conference where his brain leaked out of his ears for an hour while he couldn't pronounce "acetaminophen" and yelled "DON'T TAKE ASPIRIN" over and over. Congratulations, America.

Untreated learning disabilities can result in poor coping skills, poor self esteem, and other psychological issues. This is why funding for education is important.

good lord

Also, it's hard to imagine that every foreign intelligence agency of every major foreign power hasn't prepared a psychological profile of Donald Trump's psychiatric disorders in order to brief their senior political officials and diplomats.

Inflation is so bad these days that taking a $50,000 cash bribe can't even get you indicted. SAD!! Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Foreign powers built a weapon to shut down Manhattan communications during the UN General Assembly we didn't know until Secret Service found it by accident Trump chases medical conspiracies and defends cash taking officials, enemies placed infrastructure to paralyze our key city Catastrophic failure

and a psychopath

Somebody at the UN deserves a prize for this

They've known it for years.

In the de facto prison on the 10th floor of 26 Federal Plaza, immigrants are treated with lawless cruelty. No cots, no showers, not enough to eat. Join me this Thursday at 6:00 PM in Foley Square to show how New Yorkers reject Trump and ICE's fascist agenda.

We are in a new McCarthy era, only an even more stupid one.

if Jimmy Kimmel's political humor is too hot for you to handle, I'm not sure "snowflake" even cuts it as a term of derision for the level of fragility you've achieved

THREAD: THE TEXTS: I’m not ready to comment on the veracity of the alleged texts sent from the shooter to his roommate, but if the FBI fabricated them because they have marching orders to pin this on the LGBTQ community or "antifa", then the shooter is going to walk free. 1/

Crockett: When you I say you are the least qualified in the history of the FBI, it’s real… Patel: That’s false Crockett: I didn’t ask you a question. I want to talk about why you're a failure and honestly we need to tell you, bye, bye