32 years old today and I feel better than I have in the past decade! Grateful to see another year 🥳

Just saw a video of a female cat cheating on her husband with a male horse then coming home as he’s leaving to go cheat on her with a male gorilla. Then while he’s cheating at a motel, he sees on his ring camera the horse bringing roses to his wife, drives back home with his gorillover, crashes out,

These Amazon deals kinda suck

Should I get my friend to write me a doctors note saying I can’t come to work because I have Ebola?

Me rn cause I just shaved for the first time in idk how many months

Remember last Halloween when that guy dressed like a sims and pissed a bunch of people off just for being hot? I’m tryna be that level of hot this Halloween but Idk what to be.

I love how all gospel songs are just like “yeah life is tough but one day it won’t be…when I die” LMAOOOOOOO

Was scrolling ig and thought this was serious for a second 😭 I was like not @kevonstage.bsky.social 🤣

Getting the hang of this circular knitting machine. Christmas gifts are gonna be so much cheaper this year

Mildly thirst trapping on close friends

I need to start back crocheting again. Got blankets and beanies to make before it gets cold

I just paid $18 for a vodka + Red Bull and somebody bumped me and it almost spilled

I start my month of no alcohol this Friday in preparation for my first marathon. Imma look like a Greek god by race day.

White boy at work just asked me what my opinion on “the Charlie Kirk situation” is and I said “who is that? I keep hearing his name” and he was flabbergasted.

Me when I get in my car to leave work every day

My stomach has been messed up all morning yet here I am having a milkshake for lunch ☠️

Having some 8 am airport beers and a marg before my flight and with the last beer I bought a birthday girl headed to DR 🇩🇴 a tequila shot and I drank the beer in the same amount of time it took her to take the shot. Expecting an intervention from my friends when I get back but I’m also impressed.

I’m loving the “false fall” mornings then Georgia summer afternoons.

Pumpkin spice creamer in my coffee this morning. It’s a good day 😌

It upsets me when people say “how do you not like tomatoes but eat ketchup?” as if they taste the same.

Day 2 of me getting to work on time and my boss being late. What’s going on?

Auto reply: Thank you for your email. I will be out of office and will be able to respond upon my return on 17 Jan 2028. Good luck!

Just thought about the fact I’ll be 40 in a little over 8 years and that just doesn’t seem right.

One thing about runners, we’re gonna stroke our own c*cks.

Yesterday I got up at 5am, started running at 5:30, finished 20 miles before 10am, went shopping with some friends, took a 15 minute nap, went over to a friends for dinner and pregame, went to a bar, and got home at 2am. I’m built different I guess.

This morning’s route 🏃🏿‍♂️ #MarathonTraining #MaratonDeSantoDomingo #BlackskyFitness #FitnessSky #RunnersOfBluesky

New longest run 😤 #MarathonTraining #MaratonDeSantoDomingo #BlackskyFitness #FitnessSky #RunnersOfBluesky

A friend in PR taught me the word empalagoso a while back and I casually dropped it into conversation with some friends from Honduras and Colombia and Mexico and they were flabbergasted 😌

Stopped for Dunkin otw to work. Today’s gonna be a good day

Stay hydrated ☀️ #marathontraining #fitnesssky #blackskyfitness #strava

I need to leave this job

Forgot to post this run from Sunday morning, my greatest distance yet! #RunnersOfBluesky #BlackSkyFitness #FitnessSky #MarathonTraining

For sure the worst rec I’ve gotten from indeed 😤 gtfoh

Yesterday’s long run 🏃🏿‍♂️ 90°F | 50% humidity #BlackskyFitness #FitnessSky #RunnersOfBluesky

First Peachtree Road Race was a party 🥳 🍑🌳🇺🇸🦅 I had a jello shot, waterfalled some margarita, and shotgunned about 5 beers during the race #BalancedLiving #FitnessSky #RunnersOfBluesky

Where tf is that tax rebate I was promised?

Balance ⚖️ #FitnessSky #RunnersOfBluesky #SponsorMeBudlight

Well technically all dairy is my weakness, but chickfila peach milkshakes… 👁️🫦👁️

Chickfila peach milkshakes are my weakness 😩

Gotta drag myself to the gym so I can wear hoochie daddy shorts and an unbuttoned shirt on this cruise next month

When they turn the ig dm conversation to disappearing messages I know they’re up to no good. I will NOT fall into this drama 🙅🏾‍♂️

Sipping my 3rd beer on the beach guilt free cause I ran 10 miles this morning and also it’s the end of the world

This album’s bringing back so many good memories! Happy Juneteenth! 🎶✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽

Couldn’t handle the stupidity or engagement bait or 500th unoriginal post anymore and finally deleted Threads.

Somewhat maliciously watching videos of praying mantises eating wasps.

Wasp stung me in the back, days off to a good start 🥲

I’m sorry but the portable hookahs are taking me out 😂

Lawyers, is there a way to sell my citizenship? This is ghetto.

I did life correctly because I wasn’t, lol.

They passed out flags today (Flag Day) at a 5k Wine Run I did this morning 🖕🏾🤡