My last camera roll image killed Kissinger? Okay yeah I can see it

My friend is unhappy with her kid’s first haircut so I sent her the Baby with 22” Extensions pic and I’m losing my shit about it all over again

(cutting mold off of a block of cheese) microbes gotta eat too

Everyone is going to jail. Right now.

I heard Corn Pop was a bad dude

what do you mean "your son is haunted"?

Emilio Estevez got was coming to him in Mission Impossible 1

beep beep it's pizza

I love when a broadcast team says a baserunner "has larceny in his heart" in wanting to steal a base

this is going to be the best Christmas ever

is Annabelle Wallis in the movie Annabelle because of her name? She's playing visibly pregnant and has done the "touching belly with both hands" pose three times already

Brian Chicken De Parma

nothing suspicious about mopping at night in the dark

sick ET looks like those white sausages from Bavaria

@dylmdav.bsky.social Astros have a starter named Spaghetti?

Matt Berry reading aloud the entirety of the Taco Bell menu

a cool thing you learn from living near railroad tracks is sometimes they stay parked in one place, making an extremely loud high pitched noise for a couple of hours without stopping

what if Mr. Bean was accidentally at Jan 6th

that birthmark means you've been chosen by the gods to compete in Mortal Kombat

Bob & Ted & Carol & Alice & Grogu

if there's a hog heaven, there must be a hog hell

dammit babbies, you've got to be

EGGMAN

Preparation of the frozen breakfast sandwich is a delicate process

I have never done anything "for funzies"

Young Golden Girls

I'd give my left arm to be ambidextrous

all these jealous people criticizing me for selling out must not realize that you can sell out for money

if you're Weyland-Yutani making Bishop as an android, why give him such a as weird receding hairline

Alright sweethearts, you heard the man

remembering the Hotel California parody a friend of mine in high school taunted me with called Hotel Dirty Gibson

greed, in Las Vegas?

nobody at the gyro place is into Snow Patrol being on blast

does Grimace have bones

The Knights Templar are here and won't stop condemning everything they see

you'll never catch me in a flooded basement, literally could be anything down there

what happens next is astonishing

what if Frankenstein was a hot babe

oho ho this fucking guy

it's time, homey

Waldo the bird is dead

what do you mean "rapping grandma"? Grandmas don't do that, you're stupid