The waiter asked if Pepsi is okay

I’m supposed to disturb this so I can go “get ready” for “work?” What is the point of anything???

Mom’s celebration of life luncheon is gonna be liiiiiiiiit

It took me far too long to comprehend that Weird Al did not, in fact, make a video shilling magic beds.

Ooooh I can’t resist a sale

One of my worst traits (maybe the worst) is that I unironically want one of those Ralph Lauren sweaters with the best dressed up like a preppy little prick ❤️

Had a dream I was in a mysterious house trying to do someone else’s homework and then a groundhog came out of nowhere and attacked me What does it mean

Imagine feeling compelled to type this out

How it started/how it’s going, doggy nap edition

It was me I shut the escalator down with my mind

Getting my hair cut in 30 minutes please tell me what to do with it

Guy who loves Paul Thomas Anderson so much he starts talking like Daniel Plainview all the time

“I’ve been erased” says the woman I keep having to hear from every few months completely against my will

Look at his little cat paws

I’m that special kind of bored that might be alleviated if I had some chips to eat

Pyrotechnics at a memorial service

I hope she tries 🥰

They really nailed the gums

I want to see the ugliest picture of your pet

I’m so sick of hearing about Charlie Kirk they should just reanimate him so we can all move on

Brought my documents to the dmv in my son’s old French class folder ☺️

There is so much information entering my eyes at all times and 99% of it is bad

It’s so weird how Rocky Balboa is a real person and Sylvester Stallone doesn’t even really exist.

Dementia, a callous miserable heart, or both?

When I was placed on the Professor Watchlist in 2021, people sent death threats about my children. I had security officers monitor my 8yo at school. Where is all the outrage for those of us who have been targeted for years? Where is the outrage for our families? My own colleagues are silent.

i would like the centrists to tell me what the middle ground is here

A huge percentage of the words that come out of my mouth, especially between the hours of 7-8:30 am, are asking and/or telling Leo about being a little puppy boy

I had a tjmaxx haul today that actually healed me a little, I’m sorry to say. 😬

Charlie Kirk's last words blaming gun deaths on “gang violence" right before being shot by a skinny white boy named Tyler is something.

I wish this was how clouds looked from down here

So what was the “trans ideology” engraved on the bullets? Also what the fuck is “trans ideology?”

Grateful I do not have to explain “groypers” to my late mother, god rest her precious soul.

My kid’s campus has a shelter in place order right now because of a shooting (one victim, not like a mass event). He’s spent his entire educational career having active shooter drills. This is such a bullshit way to live.

lol fuck off

I got my first back to work after my mom died hugs and I didn’t cry. Hoping this trend holds strong for the rest of the day

The worst genre of music is “saved by the bell“ music

Forwarding this to my manager

Hey who was that little lady performing on the VMAs just now? I am very old

Love to wake up to a little dog barfing on our bed. Good thing he’s the cutest creature ever to exist

Look at his big fluffy feets 🥹

I get to see Leo today after being away for two weeks 🥹

Look at this adorable little baby, omg

Not a great sign when the NRA is doing more to speak up against trans people having constitutional rights stripped away than a lot of our actual supposed allies are.

Nice knowing you all ✌️

i am watching clips from the kennedy hearing and one thing that comes across is his petulance at being challenged. he is like an overgrown baby (if that baby were a hot dog you grilled too long)

That Kennedy is a man who has never faced consequences in his life has never been more apparent than at this hearing.

Me and Fuzzy (The best cat to ever live)

Uh how come no one told me it’s like $3100 to publish an obituary what the fuck is happening