That USWNT vs. Brazil game tonight was mad ludicrous. #uswnt

The Transporter movies are perfect, absolutely no notes.

My dog doesn't eat household items, but she fucking loves grass n mulch n bunny poops n grass n maybe also grass SEED n what the fuck are you snorfling up now?! Anyway, she seemingly always has a tummy ache. (Okay, but same.)

Found human shit on my property for the second time in less than a month and then later a baby bunny my dog murdered. No thanks, all around!

IT HAPPENED TO ME: I went for a run and then had too much energy to nap

The microwave melted cheese quesadilla is the most perfect food of Our Lord and Savior the Sexy Gay Jesus

My dog had taken to yelling at us for an hour or so every evening as if she's mourning the fall of the Republic. Like, I get, but please stop!

Might get crazy and purchase an American flag to burn for this Cursèd Semiquincentennial.

bawitdaba (27-minute extended instrumental remix)

Why does late-night drunk egg cooking taste like the greatest food ever made?

"You're a soccer person, right? Are you excited for the World Cup?" "Yeah, in Brazil next year!"

I'm not super-familiar with the lore, but I pulled what I can only describe as a hair golem out of my shower drain today. Hope it can't escape my bathroom trash can.

Everything is garbage, there is no hope, but still babies are being born and I have friends getting married soon, and that has always been the way of things.

I have a keychain that says "I hate it here" because bitches need to know

When I convince my Velcro dog daughter to go up to bed with my husband while I night owl it up too late

It's not that I will throw a smoked cheese in the trash (I love and respect all cheeses on principle), but it is like, "We really perfected enjoying milk products on a long-term basis, but sure, do fire nearby."

My dog's pace on today's walk can only be described as glacial

Oops, got charged for a second month of HBO Max because I can't stop rewatching Heated Rivalry late at night!

Run it up 📈📊

"Mute stories" is the only power left to me in this society, and I Shall Wield It!

I just had to kill five (5) spiders in my kitchen. One was a pursuit situation. I am shaken. Too many paper towels were used.

My Grandma Chesnut used to keep Chips Ahoy cookies constantly stocked in a little tin cookie jar on a bottom cabinet shelf. No rules about how many you could have or anything. Just always refilled for us grandkids.

Idk man I feel like even if AI scraped from 100% ethical sources, had zero impact on the environment, and produced gorgeous work, I’d still think you were a bitch for using it

Saw an old friend tonight and she mentioned they'd recently adopted a dog and I DIDN'T ASK THE NAME WTF?!

Not sure which stage of dystopic societal collapse will garner the best reviews for my aready-outdated peri-nightmare hellscape cultural satire film

Man, if I hadn't been so beaten down from a decade of fascist ascendency, I could have procrastinated my creative output for regular mental illness reasons instead!

You've never truly lived until you hear a random Minnesotan pronounce karaoke as "ker-OH-kee"

Crypto scams were just the warm-up for the AI blitzkrieg No, still.

Recently started saying, "Oh my goodness" to the dog while marveling at her cuteness and/or responding to her whining, but now Isaac's picked it up and somehow it is so cute when he says it?

START SOMEWHERE - dashare.zone ADMIN

Stars AND stripes? No wonder we have an overconsumption problem in this country.

Where are you on your late-night doomscrolling journey, and is it at critiquing powerwashing transformation videos for not being transformative ENOUGH?

So wild to me that billionaires keep trying to live forever. I don't particularly want to die, but like, why? This place sucks and you are actively making it worse...?

My friend Gaelynn wrote a memoir, and you should buy it because she is funny and smart and a good writer! www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/gaely...

Listen, I know standardized tests are not a good measure of intelligence or ability or potential, but I was always so good at them

Never Forget that time period around age 12 when my brother launched throw pillows at my head so often upon entering the room that I flinched at his presence for years. Lol

It's when I recognize a murder victim from a network procedural as a regular from "Passions" back in the day that I know I've spent my life well.

I'm not saying you're necessarily a Nazi because you're a morning person, but has a group of night owls ever planned a genocide?

Everything's fucked. ICE is still out here kidnapping people. My sinuses came hard for me during a 30-degree temperature swing today. Nuclear war got postponed for a fortnight. He is Not Well. But my dog daughter is snoring away under a quilt while I work on a tiger puzzle. Life is a rich tapestry.

Hot tip: get a lil drunk and list all the times your parents forgot to pick you up from activities as a kid. You WILL recover more instances.

We're not doing nuclear war for another two weeks, but I stocked up on snacks and drinks anyway so I'm ready when It Happens. Whatever comes first!

The President’s cabinet should take notice. The Speaker of the House must immediately call the House back into session. Congress must stop this President from committing these atrocities.

"I can not believe America has becom--" bitch, we have Andrew Jackson on our money. our default money. the only money the bank robot knows how to hand out.

Guess I need to go to the liquor store, because we are not doing this stage of incredibly avoidable apocalypse sober!

Donald Trump is threatening nuclear annihilation the right way. by Ezra Klein

The front desk ladies at the vet are fawning over this Italian greyhound with a floppy tongue and yeah, same.

I guess what's useful about growing up laughing at the "duck and cover" PSAs of my boomer parents' childhoods is that I know we are fucked. No desk can stop radiation poisoning. Putting in a request to the Sexy Gay Jesus to just get atomized.

Finally watching Heated Rivalry and my husband is taking issue with the lack of face masks on junior players

I think the next Democratic nominee should be able to name all the former presidents* in order faster than me. I am fast. *I stop at Obama, who I assume History will also list as the Last Canonical President

I hate most of what is happening, thanks!