"Oh, you speak German? Why didn't you learn something useful, like Spanish?" Das frage ich mich jeden Tag. Jeden. Tag.

Dean Martin, born Dino Paul Crocetti, son of Italian immigrant Gaetano Crocetti Frank Sinatra, son of Italian immigrants Antonino Sinatra and Natalina Garavanta Merry Christmas to everyone except Stephen Miller and his enablers and handlers

I do believe it’s as simple as this — every white guy who has bemoaned to me that they “don’t tick the diversity boxes” has the firm belief that they and their (usually racist) book idea are entitled to immediate glorious fame. Since they aren‘t gloriously famous, surely it‘s discrimination!

There is nothing more pathetic than a white person, especially a straight white man, especially in America, who genuinely believes he is having a harder time doing literally anything because he is a white dude. That should be an unfunny reoccurring character on SNL, not an actual person who exists.

All hail Jólakötturinn!

Good advice: you should limit the number of people you follow. Me: *follows everyone on every starter pack I find, all the time, always, especially these* MORE!

RFK: “Where did all this autism come from? It never existed when I was a kid!” “A Christmas Story”, a 1983 movie based on a 1971 memoir about a childhood in the 1930s: “This is my brother Ralphie. He has a ton of sensory issues and behaviors we don’t understand. Every family has a child like him.”

Per Craig Ferguson: When you're about to say something, ask yourself 1. Does this need to be said 2. Does this need to be said by me 3. Does this need to be said by me right now It's amazing how asking these will get keep you out of trouble (that is, if you actually have sense to begin with)

I love this, can this be a whole English language thing?

Me: I will not binge all of volume 2 of Stranger Things in one night. I will pace myself so I am not overwhelmed by anticipation by New Years. Also me: *binged all three episodes in one day, is overwhelmed by anticipation*

Fine, whatever, this random cat is your new god of the winter solstice

Your annual reminder that THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING is a Christmas movie (The Fellowship leave Rivendell on Christmas Day).

How Embarrassing That Anyone Thinks Greenland Would Want To Be Part Of The US! open.substack.com/pub/wonkette... Right now, it would be better to live in Greenland than the US. At least they aren't a fascist nation run by a kakistocracy

"Write what you know!" OK, so no sci-fi or fantasy, then? "Always start with an action sequence to draw the reader in!" That's...no. Why? "Never, ever start with a prologue!" There will be no proper introduction to the story, then, I'll tell the children.

It’ll always be the John F. Kennedy Center. It’ll always be the Department of Defense. It’ll always be the Gulf of Mexico. Anything else is illegal, trashy and fake. Period.

CBS paid the president of the United States millions in bribe money and now they censor news reports so it does not annoy him. I don’t know how much plainer we can put this.

All of these bootlegged copies of the 60 Minutes segment flooding my feed (saying, ‘Watch it quick! Before it disappears!’) makes me feel like I’m in the Soviet Union and just got some black market foreign newspaper I need to hide under a floorboard in my house. This is where America is now

This is as easy a test of your belief in the American system as is conceivable: Should this be an acceptable argument from a president?

Why does Trump want Greenland? “National security.” Why should Trump’s ballroom vanity project proceed? “National security.” Why is Trump killing the wind energy industry? “National security.” Why does Trump hate the New York Times? “National security.” The pattern is ... not subtle.

The full spiked 60 Minutes CECOT package, clean & subtitled. 1/5

🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮😡😡😡

The CBS 60 Minutes Doc confirms what we knew: The U.S. is currently using our tax dollars to imprison brown people with no criminal record in torture camps overseas. It’s no wonder administration shill Bari Weiss pulled this off the air: www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjY7...

Dear Canada: I'm sorry our government sucks right now. Please know that we, the people, love and appreciate you. Thank you for doing what our press, what the once-venerable institution of 60 Minutes, wouldn't do. ❤️🍁

Thanks GlobalTV Canada! 🇨🇦

60 Minutes journalist Sharyn Alfonsi sent an email on Sunday stating that Weiss “spiked our story” and that the motivation was a political decision, not an editorial call ‼️

60 Minutes journalist Sharyn Alfonsi sharply summarizes the appalling decision of Bari Weiss not to run her CECOT story: “If the administration’s refusal to participate becomes a valid reason to spike a story, we have effectively handed them a ‘kill switch’ for any reporting they find inconvenient.”

This photo has been removed from the DOJ Epstein webpage. By whom? For whom?

The White House has been caught. The administration inserted a photo of Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, and Diana Ross into the Epstein files and falsely implied it showed them with victims. In reality, it’s a publicly available fundraiser photo featuring Jackson and Ross’s own children.

Having a cat is so cool. There is a little creature in my bed who loves me and vibrates like a tiny motorcycle and is so fuzzy and wants to snuggle. How could I want anything else

If I had to describe this year with an image, it would be this: a dumpster floating away down the flooded Clackamas river.

20 years ago tonight, Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell enjoyed a Lazy Sunday:

The U.S. is giving dying mall vibes. I can't explain it, but you know I'm right.

The Vanity Fair photographer from the Susie Wiles story. Holy. Shit. www.washingtonpost.com/style/power/...

Ever since Dick Van Dyke's 100th birthday, I've been listening to the Mary Poppins soundtrack and I just...can't stop. It's in my brain now. I keep singing Sister Suffragette and Step in Time. ...and I'm not sure if I want to stop.

The tragedy of Rob and Michelle’s deaths are incomprehensible. I’m hearing Rob’s voice telling us all to do more, to repair the human soul, to repair our hearts, to repair our country, to repair our world, to keep fighting, to keep living for every soul taken from this earth.

The bed was warm and the fire banked. The spellbooks were put away, the ingredients could be dealt with in the morning. After breakfast. Once under the covers I tapped the bed thrice. There was a scrabble of claws on fabric, followed by a scolding "mrow." Biscuit doesn't like it when I'm up late.

As an Oregonian, it's hard to describe just how big a film Stand By Me is for us. Goddamn, I don't think I've ever felt so awful and hurt at the loss of a film director. Rob Reiner was just that good. It's a massive loss.

So damn talented. It hurts to know he's no longer with us.

Rob Reiner made some great movies but he was also unafraid to speak the truth, and was one of the public voices who knew you don’t squander your platform, and only got louder about opposing evil fucks as he got older. Legend.

If this is true (and that's a very big if) then this is a massive, massive tragedy. Just so sad on so many levels.

Rob Reiner was a good guy. He made a lot of movies about good guys, in worlds where not everyone was good and you didn’t have to be good. He made movies about people trying. He was angry, as many hopeful people are. He knew the world could be better and he wanted it to be. His death is devastating.

The cultural impact of Rob Reiner cannot be understated. Legend isn't big enough a word. It goes to 11. You can't handle the truth. As you wish. I'll have what she's having. I'm your number one fan. You guys wanna see a dead body? The very idea of a bucket list. The West Wing. All from his movies.

This is one of those times when all of the bad news just sucks the air out of your lungs.

Rob Reiner, who directed such beloved Hollywood classics as 'This Is Spinal Tap,' 'Stand by Me' and 'When Harry Met Sally' after starring in the trailblazing sitcom 'All in the Family,' died Sunday along with his wife, Michele, in their Brentwood home. bit.ly/48UWXSi

the last 24 hours have been nightmarish in their violence, and I just am so angry this is the world we are in and god damn it

The news has just been so grim. Mass shootings. Rob Reiner and his wife Michele murdered in their own home. Everything just feels so awful lately.