Kuz I'm Plankton. Fuck that kid for this being stuck in my head. Girlychick did the same with Let it go

My son is the only reason I don't kill myself. He's the best.

Everyone that quit out the 250 bullshit show should organize and do a show that day. Even in different cities on tour or whatever, crush his bullshit show to have a real one celebrating the country, not him.

Name one thing trump has done that helped you challenge. You get a block for an answer. Not for a comment.

do they really not get that nobody likes them and wants shit to do with them? www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2tM...

Sometimes I'm the best, this is perfektion

talking to kid about maths and he said 'the calculator that's inside us is our brains' I'd hate not being able to do maths in me head and wouldn't have made as much money without it, still poor as fuck, but construction measures were easy.

Looking for a late night movie with the kid and realized I have Freaked on here... Fuck, he's gotta watch something older than his mum and it's going to be weird. I saw it when I was older than him and it was crazy as fuck. He's a tiny me so I think he'll have fun, but he might crash out.

Lol, my 1st grader was saying something about football and I asked which one he meant and it was correctly not American Football. I love this dude.

had an idea for a game where you can change size. the goal is to sneak around a bathroom and try shitting in people's pants. hear me out, I woke up 5 mins ago and it still seems like a good idea. it'd be great, but I don't know how to make 3D stuff. I just love how stupid it'd be. son would love.

Lol, made up a pun on spot. Omituary, for when people don't notice you died. I have a love/hate relationship with existence.

Have a good one, is so Midwest. So many people just end every interaction with it and I kinda like it.

Last day of school. Fuck this 3 hour bus trip to get him. His mum better move in with me so it's a 10 mins walk next year. Lol. Or I'll deal with another year of him in the wrong school.

Donald Trump is rewriting the rules for his own benefit, and Republicans in Congress just let it happen. Spineless doesn't begin to cover it. We took an oath to the Constitution, not to Donald Trump.

Just remember, when the billionaires bankrupt the country and leave it a wasteland of shitty data centers(if they don't just move the stuff somewhere when they leave) and all leave. We'll have a fucked up country left to build a society without rich assholes. Or just all go Fallout and do whatever.

Yesterday I found out that my kid's mum has a shitload of pictures of me sleeping with the babydude. I would work out in the morning and then come hang out with him, eat some food, and we'd get naps in. This creepy chick collected a bunch of pictures of me crashed out. Very funny. This is my fave.

I can't wait to hear you I can't wait to hear you I can't wait to hear you scream

Top in the Name of the Slaw I'd watch the hell outta a porn with this title.

Maybe, like, don't treat people like shit and think saying love you fixes it. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha

Headed downtown this morn and some dude was walking a dog. Dog seemed interested so I squared down to say hi. Only after I acknowledged the human. Hah, priorities.

Summer is dumb. Waking up at 5ish and light through the window doesn't help with needing to sleep as much as I should.

If you aren't my blood or married to me, I'm not helping you get rid of a body I'm not going to be happy still, but I'll rock out with family I like on anything. That said, this is hypothetical and not admissible in court.

Listen, umm we are almost not working so I'm going to tell you while I invite you to some group stuff and hopefully you don't make an scene out of it?

Lol, feel a bit sickish from walking down the street and a ball launched by me. Got it and threw it back bit threw it a bit harder to get under porch and to the kid.

Just got off the phone with my dude because he was waiting on cops about ppl fucking with hits pits. Bruh, they are capable monsters to fuck ya up, but both are nice as fuck. I let my dude fuck with them when he was 2 because I know they are chill.

Illegally parked cars exist in a lawless zone and all bets should be off

I still legit love telling people their mum is a virgin that couldn't catch dick on their life.

S1E6 of Search Party has a dinner party scene and the like PC style they speak seems like a Newspeak-esque argument and then the one that first started it runs off. Fuck, can we all just talk to each other reasonably?

Woke up drunk, don't have kid today so that's good. Trying to figure out what the fuck I ate last night. I think a mix of spicy mac n cheese and some other pasta with meatballs. I remember eating a bunch and it being yum. I don't remember specifics and my guts hate me this morning.

My 13 year old laptop is still a badass computer. But fan does every year or 2. Slapped a new one in and was so happy to see the boy running 29C. So much work and games over the years and it's pretty much retired to browsing and watching videos now. But I sure ain't letting it break down.

Was out talking to my friend when my package showed up and I went to get it and got asked for ID. I didn't have it because I was just chillin in track pants across the street, but I had my key to open the door. lol, even without them seeing that they'd have left it right next to me...

Excellent way to sum up how I feel about trump bitching his way into ruining an iconic show.

"You give the public a shovel, they dig dicks. You give them a pen, they draw dicks. You give them some clay..." Might legit be the most real quote. I haven't watched this show in years, but they get games, and people.

If releasing your tax returns and the Epstein files would end your presidency, then your presidency must end. It’s that simple.

Dads are important. A boy needs to know to be careful with zippers.

First ep of Something Very Bad Is Going to Happen is pretty interesting. Lot's of weird choices so far. Only halfway. But like, take the baby to a town. Why bail on the person you're with to be stranded with a baby at a rest stop in winter? I'm hoping for interesting returns on this or be pissed.

Who's so drunk putting a number in that they misspell the name and get every digit of the number wrong? How is this merging contacts? Jennifer from Washington and Jessica from Virginia should be easy to figure out it's not a confused situation. Phones are worse than 16 years ago.

Me asking someone to grab me a beer

no, no, no, he gets $225,000 for being fucking Speaker and they ALL have the best fucking health insurance in the world AND a free fucking restaurant in the Capitol AND a daily fucking allowance for meals AND they can take all the PAC (BRIBE) money they want AND they only work SIX fucking mos/yr

Also fuck Mike Johnson for saying politicians can't survive off $175k salaries but they expect citizens to live off $40k or $7.25 an hour. Fuck all the way off

Fuck Trump, Fuck Putin and Fuck Netanyahu

I'm not going to lie, I'd fully do this for a bunch of money. But, I promise I'd never do anything useful to trump's plans. Just get balls out drunk and funnel as much money into charities as I could through personal contracts with people that never do any work.

That's fucking right! I don't know how the line in my dream was 'Titty McDuckface doesn't deserve another roll' happened because I wouldn't give someone a third try at rolling a success. I've forgotten the rest of the dream, but that line will haunt me.

Stephen Colbert and David Letterman throwing things off the Ed Sullivan Theater. Colbert: “Anything you’d like to say, Dave?” Letterman: “In the words of the great Edward R. Murrow to CBS: ‘Good night and good luck, motherfuckers.’”

weird things I say are so funny to me.

The goal was not having more counties having nukes and he made a deal that worked. He didn't need his name on shit. He just did his job.

🤮

Love to see

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTlN... maga, show me homegrown shit better. Lol, when ya try I'll kill that shit with Natives.

booted win7 first time this year and got told there was an update... Really, tho? You abandoned the system like 5 years ago, shut the fuck up about an update. Trying to brick the last computers that refuse to update? Eat shit, win7/XP won't stop being the only good win systems. 95 was cool.