harder better faster boner

grandma just said “you know that city in Mexico, Chu Chin Chen?” and i said “do u mean Chihuahua” and she said ya that’s the one

deez nuts roasting on an open fire

i saw mommy pegging santa claus

"myrrh? i hardly nyrrh" teryn @youngtiddy.bsky.social

just found out Lindsey Graham is a US Senator and not an up-and-coming young female pop star

getting ready for my dentist appointment tomorrow

everyone looking for the UnitedHealthcare CEOs assassin… have you considered that maybe he just doesn’t want to be found ?

had a really lovely ride on a Citi bike this morning

there’s something about nazis that just doesn’t sit right with me

bisexuality is wanting both of them

republicans are definitely telling their kids they got presents from Trump this christmas

paul blart died in 2023 of long covid

just convinced grandma that we’re in hell

i quit cold turkey. i only eat it warmed up now

i laced the turkey with fentanyl

sorry for being mean my lips are chapped

what’s that shit called when a dead body gets all stiff. like rick and morty or something

my dinner my dinner my dinner

[eyeball dangling from socket] Haha I think it’s just allergies

the pink m&m is so hot

gay joker be like bi so curious

i am so good at lunchtime

accidentally fired a flare gun into the living room ceiling im such a libra

i have never told the truth in my life

at any given moment i am eating soup

(horny voice) ohhh so it's a decentralized digital currency that operates free of oversight from a central authority where all transactions are public and transferred on a peer to peer network?

we will not let them take our guns

starting sobbing because the lady in the wendy’s drive thru asked me how i’m doing

don’t invite me to your nephew’s bar mitzvah if you don’t want to see me drink 10 beers

my mom asked my brother how he knows his new pet scorpion is a male and he said "because I named him Tim"

a case that just doesn’t sit right with me

one thing about me is i don’t remember

thank u for fighting for us kamala harris

i’m yodeling into the echo chamber

it’s ok to smoke crack after a long day

ok google. go up my butt

ur 20s are for joining the socialist revolution

maybe ur squirt is pee but mine isn’t

babe u still have 3 minutes left in time out

not having drafts is gonna get me put on a terrorist watchlist

drinking diet coke just to feel something

hey lol

being british is a worse sin than being gay

touching grass is not enough i need the grass to kill me

elon musk can't stop me from eating a hot dog and drinking a double vodka redbull

jokes on elon i don’t even know how to read

cis