Oh god, it's time for us to circle back now!

Employees returning to work tomorrow after the holidays will be like:

Who did this 😂

New year, new me(ntal health issues)

We don't need New Year's resolutions because it's the year's turn to be better.

For my next magic trick, I will turn this sofa into a bed by forgetting my wife's birthday.

they should invent a year that's better than the one before it

For Lease Navidad!

Merry Christmas from every website you've ever ordered something from and every subscription you forgot to cancel.

🎼 He's making a list And checking it twice But he left it at home So he texted his wife 🎼

Merry Stranger Things* Eve! *Christmas too

This is the ideal work schedule.

Marvel was basically like "times are tough, let's bring back Chris Evans, he'll know what to do"

Whatever you do, don't bring up the marinara's divorce.

This is your reminder that the Grinch never hated Christmas – he hated people, which is totally fair.

This is how the Epstein files look right now.

BREAKING: At least 16 files from the Epstein release disappeared from DOJ's webpage, including a photo of Trump, with no explanation.

Most people making New Year's Eve plans: - What are we doing? - Where are we going? - What are we drinking? Me making New Year's Eve plans: - Which sweat pants should I wear?

Trump Derangement Syndrome? The only person who suffers from that is Donald Trump.

This wasn't just a random account. This deranged and vile post was from the U.S. president. Just when you thought Trump can sink no lower, he critisizes the tragic murder of a beloved filmmaker for the sake of his own vanity. Rob Reiner is more of a man than Trump will ever be.

Wow. Amid horrific news of a shooting at Bondi Beach, this looks like a truly astonishing act of courage.

Rob Reiner directed some of the most iconic movies, including Stand By Me, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally, Misery and A Few Good Men, spanning multiple genres and in one of the most epic directorial runs in movie history. Rest in peace.

Happy Hanukkah!

Me using my telekinesis like Will Byers from Stranger Things to prevent Microsoft Outlook from spawning yet another meeting like it's a Demogorgon:

This is your reminder not to ask us when Hanukkah is this year because we don't know either. (It starts on Sunday, but we also had to Google it)

FIFA inventing a Peace Prize just to keep Trump happy is pathetically hilarious, like handing the orange toddler a sticker so he stops crying in the grocery store aisle.

This is why editing and layout are important.

It's International Day of Persons with Disabilities and this is your friendly, simple reminder that accessibility is not about fixing people but rather it's about fixing the systems that exclude people.

What on earth did Paul Dano do to Quentin Tarantino? Did he borrow something of Tarantino's and never return it? Did he take Tarantino's laundry out of the dryer and dump it on the floor? Did he have an affair with Tarantino's wife?

Are there any Cyber Monday deals on rent, dental work, my electricity bills, etc? You know, the important things.

Netflix quietly selling the organs of three Stranger Things kids to finance the bid for Warners.

Weirdly, this is all part of a 50-year-long plan to get their parents back together

Thanksgiving means that every email you send between now and January will be answered with "Let's circle back in the new year."

Netflix crashed during the first 20 minutes of Stranger Things season 5 because delaying it for three years apparently wasn't enough.

One underrated benefit of speaking French is that I like to reply to spammers in French, confusing them by handling spam messages like a chaotic bilingual gremlin.

Instead of being the bigger person and taking the high road, be the problem and take the low road. **Follow me for more potentially litigious advice**

Y'all taking this fruit for pomegranted

Sorry I'm 3 days late, I was eating a pomegranate.

After you help your boss convert a doc to PDF

911 OPERATOR: What's your emergency? INFLUENCER: I'm having a hard time right now. 911 OPERATOR: Have you tried posting an inspirational cliché over a scenic background photo?

"Every media era gets the fabulists it deserves." This is a disturbing, brilliant and necessary piece by @nickhunebrown.bsky.social and @thelocal.to on journalism in the AI swampland. If you care about truth, trust or the future of journalism, this one will stay with you. thelocal.to/investigatin...

Heinz’s lawyers would like to have a word with you, as there was no way you could have known this without an inside contact, and they take industrial espionage seriously.

is it ketchup, it’s ketchup isn’t it

Why do we have to be adults in the most unaffordable time in history? Who scheduled this?

Today's Cloudfare outage happened because the little mouse that runs on the hamster wheel that keeps the internet running decided to go on a coffee break.

My business card:

The loss of Alice Wong hurts. She didn't just advocate for disability rights, but she made accessibility impossible to ignore. Let's continue her legacy by amplifying disabled voices in the way she always did.

When you want to apply for a job only to be redirected to Workday and you're asked to manually enter your entire work history after already uploading your resume:

For anyone else who also missed seeing the Northern Lights, I have you covered and they are as beautiful as we could have possibly imagined. #NorthernLights #Auroraborealis