would be awesome if all the viral posts had alt text

Oh shit oh fuck

with alt text

watching paint dry is actually pretty fun if you’re in a small room with no ventilation

Calm down, people. The pulsating dodecahedron sometimes turns that sickening color.

If you meet an odd man in the elevator who offers to take you to the 13-½ floor, don't do it. You're not ready for what's there.

We dont want to only be known as the place with a frozen dead ICE agent in the parking lot so we're bringing back chuckaritas to the menu!

Yep, hes still there

It seems an ICE agent feel on the ice in the parking lot and broke his neck. What a shame that hes blocking Suzannes parking spot

Duo ‘bout to suck this D

Fuck it We're getting a lava lamp

Come sit in the chair where a guy who looks like Walton Goggins got served divorce papers once

Have you kids ask us one more time to play the skibbidy toilet song and we'll burn this place down to the ground.

Come see the Frogger machine with John Wayne Gacy's never-been-beaten high score

It is with a heavy heart that we have to announce that Nigel, host of Animal world is still alive

To the absolute sicko who took a shit on the 1996 Santa with muscle starring Hulk Hogan pinball machine: we dont approve of your method but we kinda get it

We are not evading taxes

Has the booger wall become sentient or is it just black mold?

I think the city is just as puzzled as we are that the building is still standing. Or even there at all

Whenever you pull into the parking to u-turn, just know that you give us false hopes and while thats not illegal, its morally reprehensible

Here at chuck-e-cheese there are two seasons: winter and tire burning

Here at chuck-e-cheese there are two seasons: winter and tire burning

In retrospect, there were better ways for us to encourage Andre's taxidermy hobby. The animatronic band will be back as soon as we can get rid of, as one guest put it, "these abominations to God"

Word on the street is the rich twins are back from the Hamptons. We know their parents can afford the Ritz, so why do they keep coming here? Last time, they hucked beans at Todd until he cried. Bet they're too rich to know that beans are a type of food.

You think getting a sandwich thrown at you is bad? Todd had a family size frozen pizza thrown at him like a Frisbee by a kid who had all the strength that fun dip can give. He could have died.

It was a close one, but we're pleased to announce that we've officially outlived Dick Cheney

We're having a bit of a brown recluse infestation at the moment. Trick or treaters welcome but not encouraged

We're having a bit of a brown recluse infestation at the moment. Trick or treaters welcome but not encouraged

If ICE wants to raid our restaurant, we got exposed nails and a flooded parking lot that says "no" Also, Suzanne open carries

We can't prove it, but we know our former associate Claire is (allegedly) to blame for the number of people who bring cats to the restaurant as a prank. For obvious reasons, this is a hazard to our establishment and brand. Because they shit everywhere

Chuck-E-cheese where a kid can kill a kid

We are pleased to announce that we have fully integrated genAI into all aspects of our restaurant. There are still some bugs to work out but the toilet barely tells you to kill yourself so we're counting this as a win

Due to the hilarious albeit letigious April's fool incident of 2025, the police union has informed us that patrols will no longer service our area as we have been deemed a "hazard". Libertarians are still not welcome, though

If nothing else, come to Chuck-E-cheese for the nostalgia. We heard there's even a guy who sells angel dust in the parking lot

Please do not contact the health department. Those are just members of Chuck's family who have come to visit him for the weekend! Please do not contact the health department

Ok, we can't believe we have to make a statement about this, but the booger wall behind table 14 is not an official Chuck-E-cheese attraction, and anyone caught contributing to it will be banned

The Michelin guide describes our pizza's texture as "distressing"

Ok, we can't believe we have to make a statement about this, but the booger wall behind table 14 is not an official Chuck-E-cheese attraction, and anyone caught contributing to it will be banned

Stop spreading the hurtful rumor that the mascots are haunted. Only the men's toilet is.

Yes, we know that rat mascot for a restaurant is kinda insane but you gotta understand how different the coke hit back in the 80's

Dont worry. The pizza is actually supposed to taste like that

The Hulk Hogan pinball machine that shouts "hell yeah, brother"every time you score is broken. This is like losing Hulk Hogan a second time, which is actually kind of a rush if we're being honest

None of our staff has problematic tattoos. Except Todd, who got pickle rick tattooed while going through a nasty divorce

Due to the McDonald's across town installing a ball pit and a slide and in the spirit of competition, we have decided to let you smoke inside

Parents! The Marlboro machine is broken, but you can bum an American spirit off Suzanne for a dollar

Due to the incident yesterday, and last week, and the week before that, and the week before that, we regret that our $1 Chuckarita promotion is discontinued effective immediately

Our heart goes out to Le Louvre. Someone stole all our toilet paper rolls last month, so we know the feeling

Parents! Please keep in mind that the bog out back is NOT a sanctioned attraction and no child should be dropped off there

Our chef has a special visitor coming today! So, uhhh, 1000 tokens to anyone who can piss clean for him

We don't wanna only be known as "the place where that kid died," so we added spaghetti to our menu