We are pleased to announce that we have fully integrated genAI into all aspects of our restaurant. There are still some bugs to work out but the toilet barely tells you to kill yourself so we're counting this as a win

Due to the hilarious albeit letigious April's fool incident of 2025, the police union has informed us that patrols will no longer service our area as we have been deemed a "hazard". Libertarians are still not welcome, though

If nothing else, come to Chuck-E-cheese for the nostalgia. We heard there's even a guy who sells angel dust in the parking lot

Please do not contact the health department. Those are just members of Chuck's family who have come to visit him for the weekend! Please do not contact the health department

Ok, we can't believe we have to make a statement about this, but the booger wall behind table 14 is not an official Chuck-E-cheese attraction, and anyone caught contributing to it will be banned

The Michelin guide describes our pizza's texture as "distressing"

Ok, we can't believe we have to make a statement about this, but the booger wall behind table 14 is not an official Chuck-E-cheese attraction, and anyone caught contributing to it will be banned

Stop spreading the hurtful rumor that the mascots are haunted. Only the men's toilet is.

Yes, we know that rat mascot for a restaurant is kinda insane but you gotta understand how different the coke hit back in the 80's

Dont worry. The pizza is actually supposed to taste like that

The Hulk Hogan pinball machine that shouts "hell yeah, brother"every time you score is broken. This is like losing Hulk Hogan a second time, which is actually kind of a rush if we're being honest

None of our staff has problematic tattoos. Except Todd, who got pickle rick tattooed while going through a nasty divorce

Due to the McDonald's across town installing a ball pit and a slide and in the spirit of competition, we have decided to let you smoke inside

Parents! The Marlboro machine is broken, but you can bum an American spirit off Suzanne for a dollar

Due to the incident yesterday, and last week, and the week before that, and the week before that, we regret that our $1 Chuckarita promotion is discontinued effective immediately

Our heart goes out to Le Louvre. Someone stole all our toilet paper rolls last month, so we know the feeling

Parents! Please keep in mind that the bog out back is NOT a sanctioned attraction and no child should be dropped off there

Our chef has a special visitor coming today! So, uhhh, 1000 tokens to anyone who can piss clean for him

We don't wanna only be known as "the place where that kid died," so we added spaghetti to our menu

Our main shareholder has a nephew who's really into five nights at Freddies so we're fucking back, baby