I have to get home to my cat and explain the snow her again

Watching Muppet Treasure Island and Kermit is just dunking on anyone else that has ever yearned

Ok it’s just the bourbon now

I’m about to let the bourbon and robot model kit talk

I joined a band for the first time in like 10 years and it was like ripping a cig outside of a wedding reception but with more guitar

Getting really into gunpla when life is getting hard for me would be cool if these things were free

If we see the other side of all this, I have no interest in celebrating until every single one of these slugs is tied to a post somewhere.

I love strangest Things. I love when Johnny and Blippo say “EUREKA!” and make a diagram

I have Thanksgiving with my best friend’s family, but my dad went to prison this year so now I want to get my family back together so we can dunk on him

Applying for jobs as a former teacher on LinkedIn is like “hey you have great skills for lots of jobs!! Have you tried teaching?”

Last minute Greg costume because I was too anxious and depressed all month to make it sooner lmao. Should be ready by 11 for the bars

October is a big trauma anniversary for me now. The panic attacks and the hangover from them ruin Halloween. I used to truly love this time of year and now it just makes me miserable and weird

Giving you a brief break from doomscrolling to show you Milkshake passed out after bravely surviving a smoke detector malfunction

Lex Lugor could probably paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel well enough, but ain’t no way Michelangelo is making the beat to “Hard in da Paint” Scaffolding carried. Buon fresco merchant

My Queen

I think you should simply lead a better life if you’re worried about people celebrating your death

I can climb this

Immediately had to put her in jail for attacking me when I tried to get work done

The Eagles have released the Sam Raimi goblin serum

I miss Meatball from the Philadelphia Zoo

we have to kill the computer

Being a music teacher for so long gave me no time to create. I started making music again and it feels like trying to walk when your legs are asleep

About to be unemployed for the first time in 10 years. I’ve been told I’m not allowed to start a podcast, but I haven’t been told that I can’t wear a balaclava and sit on my stoop

Rate my new podcast mic

Anyone mind if I go birds

trying to switch off the AI bloatware that has been pinned to the top of every single menu in every single app

She likes the new house now

Sabrina Carpenter is proof that if someone from Bucks County works hard enough, they can become a Fortnite skin

She’s ready for musical pit band season 💜💜💜

I was Kyle Schwarber and she was second base

The Nats are pure ass and Matt Strahm is starving 😈

Just like I drew it up when the Phillies asked me how to win

BRYCE!!!

“Modern Baseball” I miss them too, Kruk

“Pitching duel” is a very nice way of saying that the Phillies lineup has been podcasting this winter

3 up 3 down! The Phillies are so back babyyyy

I’m ready to get unwell

Is dropping a battery on my foot enough for a Casty HR, or maybe a cheeky single

posting since I can’t retweet on here; happy opening day

Moving to Philadelphia will not fix my problems but it might make them funnier and cooler

I never wanted a strat as a kid because I listened to heavy music and I thought I was too cool for it, and now I can’t put this thing down. It really does everything… oh god everyone’s dad was right 😭

They didn’t have the socks I wanted and I’ll be damned if I’m leaving empty handed

I can’t believe I get to wake up in God’s chosen prosperous land Philadelphia

Every professional QB that you’ve called your GOAT has said Jalen Hurts is the guy. I’m not hearing slander from a bunch of losers