Greatest human activities: Hanging with friends Relaxing

A fun fact about the Candyman movies is that the first two had a renowned Bee Guy doing Bee Wrangling for the films but with the third movie Candyman Day of the Dead being low budget they assumed they couldn’t afford the renowned Bee Man but he was like “no…this is about the bees” and came back

M&Ms are not a breakfast. I was wrong

Do not use windex on your glasses it will fuck them up

Sometimes I look pretty good. Sometimes I look really good

At my bar I love answering the phone. It's the only time I allow myself to be an unregulated asshole. Don't fucking call here lol

Nice reply "owning" me, unfortunately you parsed 2 levels of irony but missed completely the third, wherein it's clear I'm making fun of the persona your reply intended to critique. That being said I'm still hurt to an almost unimaginable degree

Bugs Bunny would do anything if it gave him a giggle and or got him out of trouble

Jazz musicians be like ba da bap ba da beebily squeeee boodily boodily bibbidi bap jazz

Priest : this is the body of christ Parishoner : um why does it have so much shredded cheese Priest : wHy dOes iT HavE so muCh sHreddEd chEese fucken eat it, pope said so

god bless america

The best jazz musicians play every wrong note really good

400 page fantasy novel? Tighten that to 300

Most books can cut about a hundred pages

It's 420 somewhere like here right now

Oberweis chocolate milk tastes like melted ice cream

Most of me is tubes

Have you tried eating a breakfast sandwich about it

Hypothermia is fucked up. I'm only now getting back to normal, still sluggish and dull

Boil everything in your fridge. Soup

Mild hypothermia took like a full day to recover from lol full body aches

I made soup and am now alive

Maybe I'm sensitive don't insult your dogs because you think it's funny. That creature's entire life is you

I am once again wishing my neighbor would drink poison and asphyxiate

I wish it was night

That perfectly square deli ham makes me uncomfortable

If it were up to me I'd buy Warner Bros and sell to Disney for cheap. Make a lot of people mad. Batman mickey mouse ears

Mild hypothermia is bullshit

Deja vu

May just have hypothermia? From hiking for a few hours. Didn't feel anything until I got home

I bet my bar will let me work from home under a warm blanket

I'm not getting sick I have work tomorrow

Chanting waking up. Chanting home from work. Still chanting by the time you sleep. 8am - 10pm+ chanting That's my neighbor. Kicked out of her cult for doing a coup. Now she chants at home. All the time. For years. She does not work, she just chants

Ground meat, frozen mixed vegetables, and rice will keep you alive

Holy shit I would love if my neighbor was quiet forever Buddha cut her loose fuck man this chanting isn't worth it

It appears there is a group of Santas doing civil disobedience in downtown Chicago while demanding "a city budget for the money not the few." The Santas want billionaires to get taxed. So say we all. Source: www.facebook.com/reel/1415480...

@mayorofchicago.bsky.social you're cutting library budgets?? Don't you fucking dare jagoff they're fucking libraries you bozo ass clown

Went from lukewarm "yeah whatever he's a mayor" to fuck this guy

I caught my falling chef's knife by the blade and didn't cut myself which means it's not sharp enough

Fuck off Rowling gonna drop a house on your wicked witch ass

Heartbroken for all the kids who felt they weren't alone while reading Harry Potter later learning the creator of that thing they love hates them

JK Rowling should be pushed off a tall building fly wizard fly

Lying to and tricking dogs for content should manifest a curse

Japan is a toy store

I shatter every beehive you will not imprison bees they are vital to our ecosystem

I released hummingbirds into the botanical garden to heal nature

You can make anything into a burrito that's a wrap

Wow somebody likes me for who I am what a treat

Where the eagles fly on the mountain high