Cooking channels sell the dream of forethought and organization

Hey Google, how to stay up late and also get up early and still get enough sleep and never miss anything?

I feel kinship with other fiction writers but also want to bury them alive

All shit no ass

I wish people didn't feel like upright pigs to me

Outside my bar a young woman asked me why I look so sad and only now do I have words for her. I wish I had been able to answer then

Sox burying Cubs

Not my friends stage whispering my name during a bass solo when they should know better

Lavender blooming

Novel ways to flavor rice has been most of civilization

It rules that podcasters run the FBI

Moralists don't really *have* beliefs. Sometimes they stumble on one, like on a child's toy left on the carpet. The toy must be put away immediately. And the child reprimanded.

Sour cream beans

Can broccoli be in a wrap?

Let the waffles hit the floor

"Urgent! Priority! Come to work on your day off! Oh thank god yeah throw out that cardboard and move those bins thaaaaaanks"

If you face west and scream loud enough your past self will hear you

I know I shouldn't text my ex

Pot belly's is overrated

Being a head in a jar sounds alright

Ben & Jerry's Tactical Cowmooflage

In medieval times I'd live in a barrel with loose dogs

VR where Gordon Ramsay encourages your omelet

Always room for a little ice cream

Ye olde London's street lamps burned half a whale of oil each night

Sly Cooper in Smash Bros

I'm more afraid of giant squids than sharks. Both see me as food but the squid is too smart about it

"Death wish" is a Neil Breen movie

I like to create. I'm a creationist

Every day a new burrito

My favorite Sam Neil fact will always be that he designed a future Australian flag that replaces the union jack with the aboriginal flag for Event Horizon and insisted the film use it.

We should be investing in godzillas

My favorite past time is eating the same sandwich three to four times a day

Sailor moon would be cool to smoke weed with

El Milagro is a tortilla mafia (complimentary)

a ballroom has a core strategic weakness: the man in the back saying “everyone attack”

"He gave him a right proper corning" "He corned him right proper"

I love not doing stuff more than I love writing

I didn't hear my neighbor chant at all today I hope she finally died

My dog knows when I'm supposed to be working

Work? You mean watch a 6 hour video game story analysis

That guy did nothing wrong

I would like to not be eaten by an octopus

the hilton servers are very upset that they spit on all that food for nothing

there are guys whose whole job is to watch a few candles from each manufacturing batch burn to completion and if anything goes wonky with them they crush the whole batch into a cube and throw it out. those guys only last a few months at the job bc staring at fire too much makes you go insane

A selection of floor burgers from various beat 'em up games.

Happy being paranoid outside day