Just learned that Rainn Wilson is a dude from The Office and NOT a daughter of Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame as I had previously assumed

My sister’s cat would like to speak to the manager.

Allow me to suggest obtaining a Los Angeles Public Library card. They're like, "This one person wants a whole series of books on individual spices? GOOD ENOUGH FOR US, I'm hitting that purchase button."

Happy Rosh Hashanah y'all.

Or, to put it a shorter way: just fucking text me.

During the day I get about three spam/scam calls per hour. I’m not looking for a part-time volunteer position in hanging up the phone, especially when I can instead answer only calls from people I know and not get interrupted and have to get back on track constantly.

But also Yuletide noms are due 9p UTC on the 26 so looks like You're going to want to turn them in early/before this.

Shanah Tovah to all who celebrates! And a big todah rabbah (gracias) to everyone who produces our food. Wishing them good health and safety.

Some actual fucking heroes on Tumblr put together a slideshow that perfectly explains why I'll be requesting blink-182 for #Yuletide this year. It's all here! The drama, the feelings, the breakups, the makeups, the makeouts, the dicks out. www.tumblr.com/blond-shell/...

The number of strangers showing up to explain some aspect of this song to me is a lot higher than I want it to be. (Number I prefer: 0.)

Me, sitting bolt upright in bed 19 years after the release of Pixar’s Cars, a movie the earthling watched 11,000 times: Wait a minute. There’s no way the lyrics are “If you’re going my way/I wanna ride you all night long” Other people get inspiration. I get belated, extremely obvious realizations

The percentage read of this book has been progressing so much slower than the plot that I have been fully dreading picking it up. Everything resolving at 50% is a big feeling and a bad one. Then my ereader restarted itself. Now the book is at 90%. I SPENT DAYS SCARED TO READ, ASSHOLE

Google has changed the color of blue that my search results are and I’m losing my mind

Yuletide noms are open, and all I can say is: SOMEONE had better nominate this

There’s a YouTube commercial for streaming football but it starts with a marching band. Every time it comes up, I think “YES a scripted marching band show! They finally understand where drama comes from!” And then I am disappointed. Come on, producers. Get it together.

I’d like to believe that coffee drinkers are as confused about tea as I am about coffee, but I suspect it’s more that “I feel bad for you/I don’t think about you at all” gif

It’s been a very stressful couple of days (for one thing, my mother is in a hospital and tomorrow my stepfather goes into a different one). My wife came home, looked at me, and said gently, “Do you want to sort through your seeds and pick out some winter ones to plant?” She knows me

Please stop autocorrecting “no” to “nay,” phone. You’re making me sound like I wear a full length cloak and tabard in the frozen foods aisle at Albertsons.

A marketing email just informed me that “September is birthday season.” That’s. That’s not how it works, my guys.

Certain songs are indelibly stamped in my head with past fandoms and this morning shuffle reminded me of this one: REM’s cover of “First We Take Manhattan,” which to me is so clearly a Lex and Clark unite for evil Smallville song. www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LYw...

Proud of my metropolitan area today.

User number game! Mine is 58, which causes The Youth to stare at me in absolute consternation.

Bandom friends of a certain age, has anyone heard from akamine_chan lately? She and Ande were living together last I knew but I haven’t heard from her in a couple of years—with Ande’s passing I’m worried about aka.

Oh no, she’s right. My AO3 account also turns 17 this month.

This gets progressively funnier with every use of the term "floppy".

Dear dude changing from his wetsuit to regular clothes at this gas station: The door of your spanking-new SUV is not really providing the coverage you think it is and I can see your entire ass. Literally. Maybe do that *at the beach*, my guy.

The earthling has finally found an appreciative audience for her niche map projection jokes. (Her GIS professor.)

Did you used to make LiveJournal icons? Do you still have some of the ones that you made? I'm looking to include more icons in the second print run of my LiveJournal Iconic zine and would love to see yours! Share them here: form.jotform.com/252444103676...

The perils of using the library’s book recommendation service: the librarian may send you a list of novels so attuned to your taste that you know half the authors’ fannish names. Like, yes, you got me, but I. I know these ones.

My fellow USian taxpayers: the IRS is running a survey asking your thoughts on a free federal tax filing system (like the current but on the chopping block Free File). I highly encourage you to give them your opinion! #taxes

Saw a cockroach and had to summon all my strength and willpower to squish it. Turned out it was a dried up tomato leaf that clearly fell off my own clothes yesterday. It just. It really looked like a bug, okay? I was very brave! Sometimes you prepare to be the hero and end up the clown.

Whyyyyyy would you make a first name field that doesn’t allow any characters but letters?

Have we forgotten what due South taught us about “for reasons that don’t need exploring at this juncture”? We have fallen so far from Benton Fraser’s light. (100% agree with this, in other words)

An alternate measure: If you have ever gotten a comment that says “this fic was posted [before I was born/before I could read/when I was in kindergarten],” you’re a fandom elder.

You have to have changed your main fandom platform at least four times AND you must have at least three fandom-related subjects that cause an overwhelming wave of exhaustion to hit you whenever people start arguing over them

Overheard the earthling and her friends talking about "vintage websites," so I asked about it. "Oh, you know, the ones it's easier to trust. Like if they're copyright 2012 or they still have that 2005-looking design." We've taught the youth to distrust up-to-date information. Great work, AI.

Therapist friends! If a patient you've been working with for a while no-shows, do you attempt to contact them? And if there's no response, do you then contact their emergency contact? Asking for a fictional character who is definitely about to no-show.

1. This thread is delightful. 2. It made me think about what would happen if Nessie could call 911, and it would be Bad. "HI THERE IS SOMEONE ACROSS THE STREET" "THERE IS A BAG OMG THERE'S A BAG AAAAAAAA I THINK IT MOVED OMG OMG" (Yes, my dog has an anxiety disorder. Like calls to like!)

I once told a version of this dude the truth: I have read Infinite Jest, and I found it mediocre, overwritten, up its own ass, and desperately in need of an editor. I don’t recommend saying this because I’m pretty sure it’s how spontaneous human combustion starts, going by his reaction

Accidentally clicked on a WaPo link and the popup offered me a monthly or yearly subscription, except their definition of monthly is — weekly?

The delivery apps have been sending me increasingly overwrought promo offers with the stalker-ex-or-marketing style subject lines. ("We miss you so much! Don't leave us!" "COME BACK 💔" "Are we even still friends???") Sorry, apps. If I stop cooking for even a single meal, the garden will win.

This is honestly better, more real, more relatable than anything Faulkner ever wrote.

Some of us were paging through Melville’s Whale Facts Manifesto just hoping for Ishmael and Queequeg to get it on and didn’t much care about Ahab tbh

The Mountain G.O.A.T.S They Definitely Are Giants My Atomic Romance Fleetwood Mach 2 Coma Token Fall Up Boy Actually Seeing Dragons

The earthling is doing a driver's ed course, and as is tradition, it involves a lot of terrible videos. One of them, which she insisted we all watch, warns students that they MUST check under their car before getting in in case a nefarious person is hiding there to leap out and grab their ankles.

I resisted chapter books for a long time because I hate change. Finally my sister bodily dragged me from the picture books part of the library to the children’s books area and handed me two: Half Magic, Edward Eager A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L'Engle So AWIT was the first SF book I read.

It was The Metamorphosis by Frank Kafka, and even the covers are traumatizing so I’m not posting a pic. (It might also have been The Stranger by Albert Camus. Why was preteen me so drawn to these?)

I am seeking roommates in SE Minnesota. I typed up some more details. docs.google.com/document/d/1...

Without looking anything up & WITHOUT listing movie titles (at least today), can you name 3 movies the following actors starred in? (if you're OK including your age, that's great) Peter O'Toole Paul Newman Humphrey Bogart Sidney Poitier Marlon Brando Please reply with their name & Yes or No.

Filling out medical forms on the office’s iPad and I tell you what: I do want to be called my proper sir name.