LinkedIn: You have four messages— Me: No I don’t, and you know I don’t.

If in this new year you’re curious where the worst communicators in your neighborhood are, join your local Buy Nothing group.

"Honestly, this is an especially annoying time for all this bad news, because I’m trying not to drink this month. If the chancellor could stop being bonkers until I can have beer again, that would be great." #McSweeneysTop25of2025

"It is an unbearable burden. Not more unbearable than the money I would lose if I got rid of this car to materially rebuke a man I believe is evil, but it’s still pretty unbearable." #McSweeneysTop25of2025

BF and I were trying to think of what you would call a restaurant you opened that was the opposite of gluten-free and I think it’s “Gluten Prison”

Reminder to all the wedding business websites: You alter the dress before walking down the aisle to the altar, then visit a Scottish isle on your honeymoon.

I mean I /guess/ they have to put The Rock on every The Mummy Returns t-shirt design, but — stay with me— what if they didn’t?

I wonder if Tom Holland could have imagined just how many nervous systems he would one day be responsible for regulating when he did lip sync battle.

The “add coffee to a chocolate recipe and it’ll enhance the chocolate flavor!” is only true for people who like coffee.

I think I’m more upset about AI taking em dashes from me than taking my job.

One of my biggest pet peeves is SHEIN existing.

People think it’s weird to still mask because the “chances” of a bad outcome are so small, but the thing is, I personally know WAY more people whose lives have been completely changed by this virus than by a car accident (and I still think you should wear seatbelts, too).

I like those giant skeletons everyone has on their lawns but they also make me a little nervous, which is also how I feel about the skeletons everyone has in their bodies.

It’s All Hallows’ Eve not All Hallows’ Steve

Some people save bags/leave things in the bags for later, and some people throw bags away without looking in them/assuming they have no further use, and then they marry each other.

It’s been such a reliable, consistent, and arguably comforting pattern that I’ll actually be kind of sad on the day when Etsy’s “saw something you might like” emails are anywhere close to being right.

I am “really excited about our new shoe rack” years old.

Has anyone talked about the east coast privilege of waking up to way fewer emails?

Wedding dress shops say, “okay girlfriend!” the way The Bear says, “yes chef.”

Explain it to me like /you’re/ five years old.

Thoughts and prayers for all the MAGAs who gleefully bought cybertrucks www.nbcnews.com/politics/whi...

*me living my life* Loud Stranger: why is she wearing a mask— Me: Because I am the Phantom of this Operaaa!

Everyone in the Mission Impossibles: This mission is impossible. Tom Cruise: It’s possible.

RFK jr’s whole deal with vaccines is a grift to funnel money away from real medicine into Big Wellness (which completely dwarfs “Big Pharma” in profit, btw). That’s it. And it’s only going to cost us health and lives.

Just when I think I’m caught up on the live camera Big Bear eagle names and backstories (Shadow, Jackie, Sunny, Gizmo, Jackie’s jilted ex-husband Mr. B) my mom will check the feed on her phone and in a low voice say something like, “oh looks like Fiona and Fast Freddy are back.”

My neighbor across from me in the hall and I have ring cameras pointed right at each other’s doors for mutual assured destruction.

Pretty cool of everybody involved to introduce a new pope in 2005 right around the Revenge of the Sith release and then do it again this year just in time for the 20th anniversary.

When I’m reading fast RFK jr can look a lot like JKR and it kind of doesn’t matter because both make me furious.

Yep. www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/thi...

It would have been one thing if Justin Timberlake sang, “Baby when you finall-ay get to love somebod-ay…” but he didn’t, and yet

McSweeneys is always savage (we appreciate all the bumper stickers but this is funny) 🤣 #teslatakedown www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/thi...

We did another one! @leahfolta.bsky.social

“No offense, but— *very offensive*.”

If only we had some people who went to Harvard in the media.

Can we stop calling these atrocities "deportations." These people sold to El Salvadorian prisons were not deported. Deportation is a process that did not take place. They were rounded up and removed with no process. They were kidnapped, not deported.

Perspective on how far into Trump's current term we are- today marks 11 wks/208. If it was the theatrical runtime of The LOTR trilogy (minus credits), we'd be at 28m 16s into the 1st film. So in our analogous journey Gandalf and Frodo haven't even talked about the ring yet, much less left The Shire.

Big weekend for The Cheesecake Factory

Check out my good friend's article! It's hilarious and accurate.

"When investigators in the field confronted a potentially life-threatening contamination that compromised drug sterility, Pohlhaus was the person they would call. He’s the one who helped them gather evidence that could halt dangerous manufacturing or shut down a pipeline of compromised products."

Not an April Fools’ joke! @leahfolta.bsky.social and I got published in McSweeney’s today!

"Surely, we have emergency brakes to stop these kinds of things. Someone will intervene. I would look into who that is supposed to be exactly, but this glockenspiel isn’t going to tune itself."

Cory Booker has been holding the senate floor for 11 hours and counting. Watch here: www.youtube.com/live/v2utlMx...

If you are surprised to learn that this tasted bad, you know what it was like to be me.

Imagine a mummy. Very good. Now imagine if he returned

Saying “in this economy?” in /this/ economy?!

[if Chuck Schumer replaced Liam Neeson in Taken] CHUCK SCHUMER: [on phone] I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will find you and I will help you kill my daughter

We wasted the perfectly good word “smishing” on what it is.

Good to revisit this piece from 2020. When #disabled people refuse offers of abled help, no matter how we phrase or tone it, abled people often either ignore us and do the thing regardless, or turn from “nice” to hostile on a dime. Don’t be that abled person. It sucks.

Reminder you can basically count the number of NCAA trans athletes on two hands. It’s hard to believe because Rs (and Newsom, apparently!) talk about it like everyone is competing with trans athletes. If they cared about fairness in sports, they would ban rich kids from sports.