Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
@cointelprostate.bsky.social
š¤ 399
š„ 360
š 604
Local cryptid
Iām an HR professional tasked with bolstering our companyās weed culture
about 6 hours ago
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Happy Grab a Copās Gun Wednesday! Everyone grab a copās gun to celebrate
1 day ago
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(At the pharmacy trying to pick up my prescription but I canāt remember what itās called) itās a pill about the same size as a tooth. White like the color of a tooth. When you shake the bottle it rattles around like container of loose teeth. This ringing any bells?
3 days ago
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Iām smoking weed with Rick Moranis. I invited a bunch of other dudes but heās the only one who showed up
4 days ago
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Hey man sorry for cumming so quick you just look so baller tonight
5 days ago
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Sorry I canāt make it to your party, Iām meeting a work colleague for a business pee
6 days ago
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Getting the ick on a first date after watching him fumble to bring up his favorite horseshoe crab video
9 days ago
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Going to the plastic surgeon and asking for Peter griffinās chin
10 days ago
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It doesnāt matter if you have a small dick. It matters why. Likely you sinned greatly in a past life
11 days ago
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Using /j to indicate that Iām jacking off (/suckin)
12 days ago
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Just took a severe blow to the head. Nothing a little shuteye wonāt fix
16 days ago
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Going to the circumcision doctor and asking if he can do a fade
20 days ago
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Iād go meat for meat with Dracula he doesnāt scare me
21 days ago
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I wrote down on a job application that Iām gay and now they want me to āprove itā??
22 days ago
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Letās get you milked, homie!
24 days ago
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Pregaming at the bar before I go home to drink all the beer there
25 days ago
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Yea Iām asexual. A Sexual Guy! š anyway thanks for letting me me stay in your basement the divorce is NOT going well
27 days ago
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Hey my buddy The Sexual Acquaintance thinks youāre cute and wants to know your full address is that ok
28 days ago
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Waiting on the grinch to try some shit
29 days ago
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I donāt need a therapist, I have my mold spores
about 1 month ago
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Sorry I canāt hang out tonight I have to stay home and give names to all the floaters in my eyes
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
more mr. nice guy
about 1 month ago
standing up in front of the american flag to read a list of penis facts i found online
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I was just killed over a period of several years
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
Naomi Elizabeth
about 1 month ago
Many peopleās main concern is whether or not they have heard a peep
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Sorry, my balance is a little off from the surgery I just had to install this large dorsal fin
about 1 month ago
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(My urologist sealing a ruler inside a plastic tube) weāll send this off to the lab and your results will be back in a few days
about 1 month ago
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Opening a strip club that only plays Grouper
about 1 month ago
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Are you seriously going to to talk to me like that when Iām clearly mommyās special boy?
about 1 month ago
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Hey man just so you know when we shook hands earlier I could tell from your grip that your pineal gland is completely fucked
about 1 month ago
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The average person swallows 8 spiders per year in their sleep but I just got the rest of my lifeās worth out of the way at once so I should be good
about 1 month ago
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Job interview tip: donāt move in for the kiss too early or your potential employer might think youāre only after one thing
about 1 month ago
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(Trying to intimidate a guy at the bar) whatās up Mr pretty mouth. Whereād you get those lips, the good kisser store?
about 1 month ago
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(Gently tapping your balls) nice. Whatās the torque on these bad boys?
about 2 months ago
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(Extremely dry man) your drinks, soups, and broths are safe with me
about 2 months ago
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The Man Who Felt Unusual
about 2 months ago
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My baby teeth fell out and revealed a set of even babier teeth
about 2 months ago
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Smoking a cigarette sideways like a flute
about 2 months ago
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He let me hit it because of my nuanced and heterodox views on a wide variety of subjects
about 2 months ago
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6 year old me was really cooking when I drew this
about 2 months ago
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reposted by
Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
orcus
about 2 months ago
you ever have one of those farts that just so happens to go on so long as to generate the precise analog fax tones to send a resume to the CIA?
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(Completely unaware that I died for 3 full minutes in my sleep last night) Iāve been good today I deserve a diet coke
about 2 months ago
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Please, Mr. Beverage Director was my father. call me Michael
about 2 months ago
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Iām sorry miss jackson, I am four eels
about 2 months ago
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Texting my barber ālooks greatā in the middle of a haircut
2 months ago
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reposted by
Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
Gram Smokerās Dracula
2 months ago
strange methheads in the woods near you would love to borrow your phone
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Iām outside of most of your homes right now
2 months ago
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I wouldnāt necessarily be opposed to being shot with a beam that conveys me to shadow realm, but I donāt think it would be the best outcome in terms of my career advancement
2 months ago
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Iām tossing around a little gnome from hand to hand like a hot potato and heās loving it. Canāt stop laughing. Iām smacking his ass a little too
2 months ago
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People keep talking about my new ass. They keep saying stuff like āwow look at that huge assā but itās the same ass Iāve always had. Itās just that the rest of my body is way smaller now (from the experiments the aliens did on me)
2 months ago
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