This week can fuck off already.

Okay but have you tried getting blackout at a Chili's about it?

Hey, here's a topic I want to know more about, I sure hope there's an angry, vaguely threatening white guy online who yells about it on various podcasts and social media feeds.

What's the opposite of a people pleaser? Cause that's me. I'm a person uncomfortabler.

Wait WAIT, hold on... you're telling me a chicken fried that steak?

Learned today that CVS sells sex toys, what a time to be alive.

The Japanese Maples are on fire right now.

I was on the phone with my parents earlier until they had to go and get ready for an event at their retirement community's clubhouse but they both had completely forgotten what the event was about and what they should wear so they're just heading out on vibes tonight.

Last Elephant's Trunk visit until next summer.

A moment of silence please for my bangs that I cut myself when I was in my 20s:

I love the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction concerts so much because they always have the most random assortment of artists playing songs together like why are Beck, Stevie Wonder and Flea playing a Sly and the Family Stone song.

Soup szn

Just learned of the existence of the horror movie "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey" and I think we may have gone too far.

Become unrecognizable by spring! -Strength training 5x a week -Calorie deficit -Remove someone else's skin and wear it as your own -No sugar

This is the worst YouTube ad I've ever seen, I don't even know a James 😩

Got one!

I could sure go for a $15 "craft" cocktail with a stupid name served at a pretentious-looking bar.

I don't want to talk about the weather, I want to know what reoccurring nightmare you've had since you were a child.

He really just like shut down the government so he could remodel the white house.

Good morning 🩷

One of my favorite #MST3K moments is when we meet the ridiculous surly old shopkeep in "The Brute Man" and Mike just completely loses it and you can see him hunch over in his chair laughing to himself.

I'm really good at pillow talk* *reciting Left Eye's "Waterfalls" rap while hugging my pillow.

Getting some good D on a Tuesday morning (voting Democratic on Election Day).

Terrorizing my neighborhood by scream-singing the entirety of Rush's Permanent Waves album as I jog through the streets.

Pops of red ♥️

Of course I'm crying. I just watched the "Non Sequitur" episode of Star Trek Voyager that shows that no matter what universe or reality they're in, Harry Kim and Tom Paris are meant to be friends.

Okay, everyone, the sun is gonna set in like 5 minutes so get as much done as you can.

I don't have any kids or pets so yes, I did enjoy that extra hour of sleep today, thanks!

You can't make me uncomfortable. At a former job an executive was super excited to introduce me to his wife at an event and when he did she looked me over, smiled and asked if I wanted to "go somewhere for a drink" with the two of them and I said "my boss needs me" and ran away.

The stores have wasted no time getting that Christmas music going. Godspeed to retail workers for the next 2 months.

Remembering the guy I used to work with who told me I should watch the show Archer, and then proceeded to check in with me like once a week asking if I'd started it yet. I hope he's well (I still haven't watched it).

I was so convinced I saw a UFO the other night cause I saw an object with flashing lights hovering in the sky and not moving, but then I noticed it was getting smaller and smaller. My friends, it was just a plane flying away from me 😫

My Halloween vibes this year:

Leaving out a matchbook and 3 packs of gum for trick or treaters and sitting in a bubble bath with a glass of wine.

I'm my manager today for Halloween lol

<--- This bitch will remain updated during the shutdown.

Miss Piggy is an anxious attachment style and Kermit is an avoidant and that's why their relationship is so chaotic, I figured it out.

Aww look at his little horns

tf is this an ad for? Does buttsex cause memory loss?

If there were a movie made about my life I'd want Sam Elliott to narrate the serious parts and Jack Black to do the silly parts and/or parts that kinda rock.

My mom is 76 😭

Made the coffee too strong this morning and now I can hear colors.

A friend of mine asked why I never promote my books anymore and honestly I just kind of forget about them sometimes, it's been so many years. But if you're a spooky bitch like me and want to celebrate the season, I wrote 2 books of horror short stories: amazon.com/author/franmaglione

The morning fog rising from the river and wafting through my neighborhood is such a cool thing to watch.

A very golden morning to all

I'm not really that bummed about the east wing of the white house getting demolished. In fact, I think they should demolish the entire building.

Autumn mornings

Freaking fall, man 💕

Nephew time

Riding in the backseat of my parents' car at age 41 hits different.