Some advice I'd like to bestow upon my younger self: spend less time worrying about your hair and more time working on your personality. Actually that's not bad advice for my present day self.

The music that plays when Sonic the Hedgehog is about to drown is also the music that plays in my head when I really desperately need a poo.

Exciting news, I am now available in 3D.

When will people learn that free speech means I have the right to say whatever I want, not other people?

Turning off that-thing-that-makes-the-framerate-go-all-wrong-on-modern-tellys in hotel rooms is doing god's work.

Even my opinions about people with received opinions are received.

IT'S CHRIIIIISTMAAAAAS!

I like to point at random objects and say, in an angry tone, "I hope that's not what I think it is".

For simplicity I have renamed peanut butter "butter". The substance formerly known as butter will now be referred to as "non-peanut butter".

Gonna name my first child Nominative Determinism Cornah. Just to see how they turn out.

I like small speakers, I like tall speakers. But which one is the best?

Beeping your car horn should work like bee stings. You're allowed one (and then you die).

Love the Fractones? I AM A FRACTONE.

Oh hey, look! I’m on DK Vine’s Kongversation podcast again. Talking about Donkey Kong Bananza and, more specifically, FRACTONES. What’s not to like? If you don’t want to hear discussion about FRACTONES then what are you even doing?? WHAT???

Is egalitarian someone who exclusively eats birds of prey?

watching you dildo brain cock suckers play w/ AI shit is like watching a dog paw at one of those puzzle boxes that you put treats inside of

Every once in a while you come across someone who doesn’t think stegosaurus is the best dinosaur. They’re out there!

Not being in the same room as someone eating cereal should be a basic human right.

Star Trek writers time-shifting established events away from the 1990s and into our own near future represents COWARDICE.

Podcast adverts are designed to come on at the EXACT moment when you don’t have a hand free to skip forward.

This is what the American Doctor Whos would have looked like.

I’ve got too much gob in my gullet.

They're putting blue food coloring in everything. A short story blog.foxtrotluna.social/theyre-putti...

It annoys me that the song “Madness” by the band Madness does not appear on their album “Madness”.

I can find all of the bonuses in Orang-Utan Gang without having to look them up. And YET there are still some people in this world who don’t respect me.

Keir Starmer needs to get some perspective, doesn’t he know there’s a new Donkey Kong game coming out tomorrow?

Swallowing a dictionary hasn’t made my vocabulary any better. If anything it’s made words more difficult to say.

I’m a compulsive liar. OR AM I??

In the midst of the difficult transitional phase between short hair and long hair, I basically have to reinvent my hairstyle every day. Today I’ve gone with this.

I think the internet’s stopped working. Can we get a new one please?

There has to be some middle ground between trousers that don’t stay up and trousers that are so tight they cut off the circulation to your feet. But I have not found it.

Back in my day laziness was a trait you were ashamed of and kept to yourself.

My favourite genre is “genre”.

New Revels flavour idea: human poo.

I don’t approve of stalking but I reckon I’d be DELIGHTED if my stalker was Sting.

Someone needs to tell TikTok their videos are all the wrong way round.

Flies like my face too much. I bet it smells DELICIOUS.

Once my life’s over I reckon I could edit it down to a tight 30.

I can see part of your bottom.

I’m surprised this reached us - they’ve got the address completely wrong.

The DK Rap is the most misunderstood piece of music in the entire history of music. You think you understand it don’t you? Well guess what - you don’t.

I think my life would be better if I had feathers.

Gonna lobby the government to make the release date of the new Donkey Kong game a bank holiday.

Remember when we all used to make fun of the nazis? Ahh, those were the days.

Once I’ve spent all my money on chargers and adapters and leads and splitters and extensions there’s very little cash left for luxuries e.g. food.

After getting back from a trip I like to look at all my luggage and say, “wow, there’s a lot to unpack there”.

If you want to hear me mumble about Donkey Kong, the Switch 2 and what DK Vine's "Stinky Ape Summer" is, why not listen to this? It's LIVE! If you don't want that, don't click the link under any circumstances.

I like Russell T Davies.

Just trying to drum up a bit of interest in the new film. Any day now!

Met someone today who claimed to have invented the phrase "whatever Trevor". I didn't believe them, but couldn't think of a neat little saying with which to express this.