I’ll tell you the people not wearing masks in the cancer hospital waiting rooms, those are the real hardcore shitheads.

You know, I just won’t tolerate a typo today.

I don't think we'll ever get another sentence which sums up everything the New York Times embodies quite like "Some legal experts have called it a crime to summarily kill civilians".

I got 1-3 years to get together the scratch to buy Titanfall.

Will I really play this classic game remake if I buy it? The never ending question.

You lived. The west coast, wake up, get your kid some breakfast and then get her dressed and play with her for a bit, walk the dog, and by the time you open this app everyone on it is completely insane for the day and there’s no way to even know what you’re all on about.

if wrestling is fake explain this 🤼

like clockwork man

All that fucking money and he can’t get a good wig?

We’re still waiting for someone with a social media credential but Me and Dre and Keith are about to stream Re-Elect JFK over on twitch.tv/friendsatthetable I hope you are ready for some mediocre accent work.

We are appalled, yet unsurprised, to see Israeli soldiers celebrating the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashanah, amid the ruins of Jenin refugee camp in the occupied West Bank.

i hope people see this recent microsoft news as proof of BDS' effectiveness; especially in regard to raising publicity and encouraging action from microsoft employees and it inspires more people to join in keeping the pressure on these unrepentantly imperialist tech companies

I think more sports should have coaches/managers that are committed to Stephen King-esque descents in to madness.

If Sharon Osbourne is your second most famous person I don’t want to know who’s down in the 1100s

Discovered that my bottle of melatonin expired five years ago. Do you think that’s why sometimes it gives me the sleep crazies?

What have I done to make my child hate quesadillas and do you think it’s reversible?

Don’t talk to me about the Mets. Probably for the rest of the year. But fuck yeah.

Introducing Henry Kissinger to Star Wars is so funny because the original trilogy is about how much the filmmaker hates the things that Kissinger did. Although I guess if you’re Henry Fucking Kissinger you’ve spent most of your life surrounded by popular media about how you suck.

If you can find a cool enough advisor the chance to write a great economics PhD dissertation is here.

Much -- not all, but much -- of the trouble with modern newspapers is actually the deep, suppurating rot in the ranks of politcal reporters: the belief that they're largely theater critics

You probably don’t need to be told this but as a parent of a 15 month old this is not remotely true. I don’t think we’ve had more than three shots at any one appointment and the syringes are actually very small.

My kid is learning more and more words and in the car she says things like “car” “beep beep” and “truck” but her compound consonants are sort of all over the place so it kinda sounds like every time she sees a pickup out the window she shouts “cuck”

Reading the article you’d never know that the gun range in question is operated by the Katy Police Dept.

Jess and I went to get our flu and Covid shots yesterday and they gave our daughter this sticker. And for one this sticker is super rad, and why are they offering her a sticker? She didn’t get a shot. Also she’s 15 months old she’s just going to choke on this. Anyway I’m putting in her college fund.

The first time this came across my timeline I thought it was Cody Rhodes And I wondered what the hell went on at that PPV yesterday

Mitch Hedberg: When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out. Modern male comedian: *3 minutes of shrieking about age of consent laws*

By the transitive property you can infer that Wonder Woman thinks Maxwell Lord is worse than Hitler

Do not put your name on a website to register for a rally in this political climate. What the fuck's wrong with y'all. Are there any people of color that work at this org who might knock some sense into your peach colored heads.

I gushed about this a few weeks ago but it got me to thinking if I was running an off-mic campaign right now this is 100% what I would want to run.

Explaining to the baby that it’s actually illegal for her to take her shoes off in the restaurant and she will be arrested.

I am teased by members of my friend group for being the least online among them but then something like this happens and reveals that compared to normal people I’m actually quite online. Like I’m the weakest member of the Justice League but I’m still wildly overqualified for rec league dodgeball.

I want to say in relation to the new clapcast that just dropped that I never played a single match in the Pokémon pocket app. They never converted me in to a person who wanted to play the game. Cute idea though. I’m actually currently playing zero phone games. It’s a weird feeling.

It’s been great seeing all the FatT rewind stuff. Thanks for listening to the show and thanks for making cool stuff about it.

Hella, Adelaide and Adaire #fattrewind

happy 11th anniversary #fattrewind! did you know I made TWO Bluff City Pokémon adventure games? and that you can play Summer Vacation straight into Winter Vacation? did you know that the scamps are about?? Deliver candy, save your friends, and perform a heist at: mousewifegames.itch.io/princeton

As part of our Eleventh Anniversary celebrations, we're offering discounted subscriptions to our Patreon until October 1st! You can use code BURNTHRONES for $2 off our $5 tier for your first month, or code BUILDTABLES for 20% off any other tier (except $1) at friendsatthetable.cash!

a sports relationship #fattrewind

Hello all! The next Perpetua episode will release tomorrow 🔁 There will be a new Clapcast up on friendsatthetable.cash tonight, and we have plans for an anniversary stream tomorrow. Start time is still TBD so keep an eye out for announcements here or on patreon! 📺

Banned for the federal crime of calling him "Charlie Jirk"

Lowering the flags on 9/11 at the Guantanamo Bay McDonald's for Charlie Kirk is the most dril tweet thing that's ever happened

This is all going to turn around when Seth Green’s Bored Ape TV show finally premieres.

My wife, going back to sleep after being roused by a dream, is softly mumbling the Cha Cha Slide as she drifts off.

all of u

It’s fucking wild they haven’t caught that shooter. I feel like guys like that never get away. Think of how much familiarity you would need with law enforcement tactics to get away like that. I’m not suggesting anything but I sure am thinking it loudly.

Oh I just came up with a great joke that would 100% get me banned from this platform.

In any sane world this would be the end of Gavin Newsom as a serious democratic politician. We of course do not live in that kind of world

If I had a nickel for every time a bad person died while I was recording a podcast I’d have two nickels et cetera.

charlie kirk? the gavin newsom podcast guest?