With friends like these, who needs anemones?

Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance...

ANGEL: Where's Cordelia? WESLEY: Downtown. The meat-packing district. ME: I'd like to meat-pack HER "district"!🫠

If not now, then

Yes.

Whether it's a new relationship or just a fun hookup, I'm always excited to open the mysterious hole. ...the hole is less mysterious if it's my ⓧ, though.

In a society and a governmental structure in which everything is a corporation, major political parties are corporations. Constituents are not the shareholders; donors are. Constituents are customers at best. The lack of values and bravery from prominent party members is inevitable in this paradigm.

Given the current state of my wardrobe, I will more likely be fighting God pantsless.😑

In my head, I'm always screaming.

Fund this surgical strike. Enable this surgical precision. Third pun.

It's nice to know the pale Irish color of my skin will protect me until they move on to rounding up people who hate Donald Trump and have posted this opinion online. I fucking hate Donald Trump. He is a weak, cowardly, racist failure of a human being. See y'all in the new concentration camps, yo.🍀

Now THIS is ART.

Don't worry, I'll die in poverty soon enough.🍀

When I was a teenager I thought the BeeGees song "Staying Alive" established a very low standard for navigating existence. Now I get it. 🥺

Splooge McFuck so horny for CASH😭

Dandelions are legitimately my favorite flowers. Plural, because they are two kinds of flowers in their life cycle: sunny, and snowball PUFF.

Once it starts, it never stops.😑

The movies were okay, but the important thing is that they led to one of the best TV shows ever made, the Richard Eden RoboCop.🍀

Taylor Swift wood totally do this. She absolutely wood.

If I ever date a woman named Tammy, I will nickname her "Tammy-Kablam-y!", and she WILL leave me. ...worth it.🍀

Blade Runner? I barely even KNOW 'er!😳

21st day of whatever the new strain of COVID is. Daily fever, increased joint pain, exhaustion, lethargy, intermittent mild congestion, sneezing, and coughs. Between COVID and my necrotic dating life, this Halloween song sums up my current existence + likely holiday plans: youtu.be/jkYfPSWuovI?...

-URNS!

Life is so f**kin sideways right now.

It's the most terrible shit, y'all *WOULD* judge me.

If you are truly a good neighbor, you will have your dogs euthanized.

I literally did this, but it only took ONE stray cat.😭

im going to be evil today i think

Screaming “but the data doesn’t support that!” at my cat

i hope the next gen only has the pokemon i want to fuck and nothing else

Eventually, I will morph into my final form.

I was horny.🍀

Help kitty.🍀

Nah, the best revenge is revenge. I really should've burned that one guy's house down before he beat me to the punch by dying of natural causes. Sigh.

My favorite time of day is when cats

I've matched with a lady on Hinge who clearly just wants a free meal at Olive Garden. I'm trying to lead her into entering my frame so she will go with me to The Old Spaghetti Factory instead, because I fucking hate the Olive Garden and The Old Spaghetti Factory rules all. HOMER SPAGHETTI, SUCKAH.🍀

About to start rewatching Buffy season 7 like

Gross.❤️

IRISH I WAS THERE.🍀

I don't vote anymore... but I wish I could still believe.🥲

MEAD IS DELICIOUS. This revelation is one of the only good things which came out of my being used for sex and hundreds of dollars of hotel $$$ by the soul-sucking heartbreaking lying LARPer trollop known as Autumn. MEAD IS FUCKING DELICIOUS, MOTHERFUCKER. Do NOT besmirch it's good, DELICIOUS name.

I want to live in a world in which I can make a gourmet Greek pizza without a dumb SJW freaking out, Richard Gere can be a Buddhist, an African can drink in an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day, anyone can hang a dream catcher up, and we all dance to Shakira in whatever language she's using that day.🍀