I would 100% break up the Beatles for Anna Sawai

Whiplash, heavy metal accident

Worst Case Ontario for team Canada on #Survivor

The doctor checking Trump's right hand

There you go "loneliness epidemic" guys: antifa has girlfriends

Jack Posobiec speaks at the "Antifa Roundtable" and immediately references the Weimar Republic. He's a nazi.

🧵

"Back off, get your own sandwich"

Holy crap I'm starting an election sign printing business in St. Albert

Me on Monday morning: "Yes of course I saw the Bowen Yang as Dobby bit on SNL, it was so funny, with his ears and hat.. how did they make him so small?"

Indy, no!

Bad news for fans of Taylor Swift's music: she's happy

This festival is such a slam dunk skit for SNL but they'll just do a quick joke on Weekend Update

"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and sound like Pauly Shore"

The real generational divide is people who refuse to watch a video if it could be an article versus people who refuse to read an article if it could be a video

"Vickie, no! You're in first place!!" #Jeopardy

Being anti fascist is considered terrorism now.

Weird hearing an Alberta accent on Survivor. Worlds colliding.

Boomers and Gen X made George Takei and Mark Hamill patron saints of cringe posting

Put a GoPro on Kirk Cameron

I'm putting together a team

genuinely crying at this one

He was a Nazi

New Joy Crookes album on repeat all weekend

The moon and Venus right now

Trump demands NBC give Jimmy Fallon more shows, just to annoy us

I think we've been pretty clear for the past forty years that we don't want the computer on our face

This Week's Onion Magazine:

"Being wrong about everything" is not a sustainable ideology

"..this other one's name is Stuart, he has one eye and loves bananas"

JD Vance trying to sound tough

I haven't seen The Pitt but I assume like everything else it's based on the Marvel comic

"I just want to say, go birds, fuck ICE and free Palestine," "Hacks" star Hannah Einbinder at the #Emmys

Desperately looking for any evidence the shooter was cool so they can finally start a "war on cool"

Ten years in, the US and UK's 'punch yourself in the face to own the libs' competition is still too close to call

Mark David Chapman got John Lennon's autograph a few hours before shooting him. Murderers don't always have a logical motive.

Miss Eggy going out on top

FBI seeking public's help in investigation such as, how to investigate? If you were on the run from the FBI, where would you hide? What does FBI stand for?

Nice days in 2025: the air is only moderately hazardous

The Oilers are going to sign all five

FBI UPDATE: Kash Patel and Dan Bongino both leaned in to read a screen and bonked heads. They are okay and resting comfortably.

Oof Next news cycle, please

Well this was completely unnecessary

It’s fine to say that violence is never the answer, but I can’t help but observe that for Charlie Kirk violence was always the answer, and it was the only answer he offered, and, because of the privilege that he refused to admit he had, he could enact it from a comfortable and respectable place.

"Violence is never the answer" says country that bragged about blowing up eleven people on a boat last week

I wrote about what I think is a genuinely revealing document of elite depravity and impunity. It is shocking and sickening. But it's also a crucial moment. We're about to see what happens when conspiracy theorists actually get what they asked for but it turns out not to be what they want.

The numbers are off because he's counting his ball worms