Go hi

Good Girls use their manners… Bratty Girls use their… mouths 😈 (for talking back, obviously).🙄

You say you’re unworthy —
but that’s only because
you’ve mistaken scars
for stains. You think I see you as something shiny,
untouchable, ideal.
But what I see
is a man who feels deeply,
who’s been broken
and still chooses kindness. And If that’s not worthy,
what is?

I offer my heart like a lantern in the dark,
but you turn away,
afraid of the flame that might burn
or the light show too much. You guard your chest with
a fortress built from past hurts and what-ifs,
while I wish for you to see me,
to trust that not all love brings pain.

Are we safe from 4K over there?!

It’s Tuesday… post your tatas below… but keep it clean ya dirty birds

Fuck ‘em…

The only board game I’m playing lately is a charcuterie board… Where everybody win…

Lentil on New Year’s Day is tradition… The coin shaped lentils symbolize prosperity and once cooked, increase in size, evoking the idea of ​​abundance. Happy 2025 everyone. May it be filled with health, happiness and prosperity ✌🏼

I just want to wake in the morning, and still smell you on me.

Just a little spread for the holidays… #imsofullithurts

Tipsy enough to be merging gingerbread cookie with peanut brittle, followed by a mouthful of spiked eggnog

Merry Christmas everyone

Dinner is done

Mmmm

I am making bacon 🥓… who’s coming over?

I’m getting a little witchy 🧙🏼 today… Happy Winter Solstice ya pagans… ❄️

Of course Trump wants Canada. Look how white it is

I wonder if Santa’s face is jealous of his lap…

All I want for Christmas is you… Naked… With a bow strategically placed on your penis…

BEWARE… I DO BOTH 😏🙌🏻 What about you guys? What do you guys do? ⤵️

Is this a hot flash or a fever? Doesn’t matter, I took my shirt off regardless.

Beetlejuice and I are basically the same. If you call me a ‘Good Girl’ 3 times I’ll probably come too…

Like… do men get the ick from ladies?

The best revenge? Is none… just heal and be happy and let karma take care of the rest.

Is this perimenopause, cancer, swollen lymph nodes or just period related? Fun questions women in their 40’s get to ask themselves with every body change

I sneezed after shaving my balls and now it’s like I have a couple succulents between my legs.

I’ve lost my second cup of coffee somewhere in this house and it’s not even 10am… 🤦🏻‍♀️

I will not water myself down to suit your tepid tastes…

Yes I may be fat, but that just means I have money for food… 💅

Oh darling, swallow his load, not your pride…

I’m at the stage of this stomach flu that I’m just gonna eat all the fucking Big Macs & Oreo cookies cause I’m gonna shit it or vomit it out anyway…

Someone stick their dick in me… I’m done.

I’m not just a snack, I’m more of a street taco… Unexpectedly spicy and falling apart…

I wish I could door dash a throat punch to some people

I wish Santa would publicly release his old Naughty Lists… I mean, it would be a great way to meet people…. WHAT?!

Self respect is the root of all other virtues

DiGiorno and a porno?

*cat call whistle* Baby! You and me, we could go a long way together… Me: oh of COURSE we could… in opposite directions

Nothing quite like the 90s romcom, While You Were Sleeping, to remind you that you’re a fanciful hopeless romantic 🤢 #sogross

Respect is the bedrock of all relationships…

Oh darling, my mouth isn’t a bakery, I’m not sugar coating shit for you…

I just referred to tampons as ‘coochie corks’ while out in public with my 14 year old and she is so mortified shes trying to run away from me… #momlife

She’s a bitch but fucks like a witch. I don’t know what this means but.

If we can’t be weirdos together, then I don’t want it..

Falling in love with you is terrifying…

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong.