Save me canned iced vanilla latte. Save me.

Lot going on today.

Every week or so I think about how good The Staircase was (BOTH the HBO version and documentary)

My specific skill is wearing the worst shoes during a rainstorm and then having wet feet all day 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

It’s so funny that bars and restaurants willingly post vids of their staff doing a “how accurate are our liquor pours” contest. Like yes mama, show me how bad your drinks are.

Rebecca Black:

Me: I’d like to remove this extra blank line from this document Microsoft Office: ok and I’ve gone ahead and changed the font and font size of the remaining text for you.

smart people:

The supermarket was out of my very specific low sodium bread.

when I say hell is too comfortable for these goons I mean it.

I’m sorry, we have to stop asking questions about billionaires and their opinions on anything, especially governance.

he keeps winning???

Let us not forget this moment of true joy that this movie gave us

I say this with sincere admiration: there was a full scene in this week’s Matlock where Kathy Bates eats fried chicken while blindfolded.

I would rather live next door to someone who speaks another language than live next door to someone who doesn’t want to live near people who speak other languages. I know nothing about Person A but I know person B is a shitbird.

Quite a world when a federal judge has to call in a federal official to specifically tell him he can't use tear gas on children in Halloween costumes

Stop everything and look at this woodpecker.

I think a lot about the American experience can be summed up by the fact that growing up, people would buy orange plastic garbage bags with jack o lantern faces printed on them, stuff them with leaves, and leave the bags on their front lawns for weeks at a time as the leaves slowly decayed inside.

As someone who loves people but hates fear, I’ll love your Halloween outfits from afar.

Also someone needs to explain to, not just Rappoport (who is an idiot), but a lot of other people too, that the premise of democratic socialism is not that everyone is poor but that everyone can have nice things and afford an occasional date night out

I’m gonna miss him in a way

dog and man.

Counting down the days until Trader Joe’s sets out their dog treat advent calendar.

Texted two different friend groups and no responses.

just glad his barber hates him too.

Fuck, man. This is water in a desert. Thank you, @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social. I’m rooting for you.

Strong craving for a sausage roll from some random London bakery.

The elimination of USAID is a moral atrocity and all involved made a choice to enable, and then lie about, ending the lives of some of the most vulnerable people in the world.

Made a to do list on Friday for work and completed every item today and I hate that it makes me happy.

Took this pic on Friday night and I’m still tired.

once again, there isn’t a punishment big enough for the assholes in charge of our country right now.

We need a bigger national spotlight on this building raid, fam. Agents dropped from helicopters onto the roof. Citizens and non-citizens alike were dragged from their homes in the night. People who weren't kidnapped during the raid had their belongings seized after the fact. This is madness.

Working from home (already a plus) with the windows open (h word).

lmao funniest shit I’ve seen all day

Not too big to admit that I stayed up to 10pm to watch Melissa Gorga compete against Spencer Pratt in the final match of Celebrity Weakest Link.

It’s hard to convey the insanity of a thirty-something White House staffer getting an interim US Attorney appointment and marching into the grand jury room alone four days later to indict the former Deputy Attorney General and Director of the FBI

Just pretend that I’m posting a selfie of me and @joenotjoey.bsky.social who I finally met today and is an absolute delight 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

I bet Family Matters would have done a great rapture episode.

Just ate two bowls of homemade chili out of the *good* china.

Fallon has not and never will be of strong enough character to do anything of substance with the gift that NBC has given him.

You’re not allowed to post on twitter about Kimmel (legally or morally).

The white wine at the gay bar? Yeah, that’s mine.

Need to be back at the patio at A House in Ptown stat.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my advanced age it’s that off brand batteries (looking at you Costco and Amazon) suck.

well, yes!

EVERYONE should have the right to die of easily preventable diseases !!!! thats freedom, baby!!!!!

On Earth 2, this man’s medical license would be revoked immediately

✅go to Ptown ✅see a bunch of friends and have a great time ✅take zero photographic evidence

Embarrassed to say I like the font update to the Outlook iPhone app.

Why does jet lag hit the hottest men (me) the hardest?