PORTLAND, OR!! BELLINGHAM, WA!! GREENBAY, WI!!

I think that last one should read, “I Stand With Some Help. Seriously, my knees…”

“🎶E-Bola, Congolese, Hantavirus, no more bees, Venezuela, Iran, Cuba and the Chinese!! We’re Gonna Die On Fire!!🎶”

"Netflix’s choice of manosphere star Shane Gillis to host the Kevin Hart roast looks more and more like the streaming platform gerrymandered its own show from getting too Black." – my new thing, up now @thenation.com: www.thenation.com/article/cult...

It’s such a relief to see Mamdani succeed with the billionaire tax, because it means we won’t have to go with my plan of grabbing a billionaire, sowing his asshole shut and force-feeding him gold and jewels and then pushing him into an angry mob of hungry poor people.

CTE in the HUD

Y’all know that when he enters that bunker, he has no plans on leaving. Ever. I hate to be a bummer but I also think the reason he’s rushing it is because he either wants to hold on to power or he knows something really fucking bad is coming and he’s not gonna tell us.

The fact that other journalists don’t circle the wagons every time this demented misogynist buffoon insults a female journalist, is fucking ASTOUNDING to me. Not showing solidarity is why Trump feels like he can insult and demean them, because they’re too scared of losing access. Fuck him. Stand up.

Wow. The Saudis really took a bone saw to Trump’s plans.

I was getting pretty “Epstein didn’t kill himself” curious but this is strong evidence in favor of things being what they looked like

I would’ve loved to see this kid just rock him in the solar plexus unexpectedly.

Blanche: “You have to show your ID before you go to the bathroom, or if you want to buy pasta. You have to show your ID if you want to binge watch a show on Netflix or when you order donuts from Uber Eats. So why not show your ID to vote?!” Welker: “Good point.”

Wow!!

Something tells me that water wouldn’t be blue if Trump we’re floating in it.

I know it doesn’t always feel like it but the good guys are winning.

You heard it here first, folks: the president of the United States has incredibly swollen testicles.

“Breaking: Meals for sailors unavailable. Media coverage also unavailable.” Because seashells might get the administration’s attention…

Fuck it. Come and get me! Gas and food are so expensive, it’ll be nice to let the government pay my rent for the next 10 years.

He needs a bunker-buster proof, anti-drone subterranean lair to because he’s the least-liked president in American history and he intends to be the last.

Why don’t they build the whole country out of the ballroom?

No way that this happened TWICE now to this guy lmao

Did he just fake an assassination attempt in order to get his ballroom?

Pretty sure I'm doing these wrong...

Hi! Let me ruin your day: this is what he sounds like when he cums.

IF this makes it to the discovery phase, which I bet it won’t, Patel will be absolutely, positively fucked and the Atlantic should countersue him into financial oblivion. Interested to hear @katiephang.bsky.social has to say about this.

I agree: we should execute every Jan 6 convict who was pardoned and then arrested for child SA and anyone who was found by a jury to have sexually assaulted E Jean Carroll.

Headline Battle: The Strait Of Hormuz Vs The Straight Of Vermouth

Congratulations to Donald J Trump for ending the Iran Nuclear Deal in order to secure the Iran Nuclear Deal. 4 Dimensional Chess.

The kind of “ballroom” we wouldn’t be able easily remove him from after he plans to subvert the next election.

Thank God we got the dumb AntiChrist. Think how bad this could’ve been if he was a reader?!

Let’s bury him for three days and if he doesn’t resurrect then we’ll know for sure.

I wish Medicare covered irony.

Well, I’m just gonna say that I hope he experiences an equal, if not greater, crucifixion.

JD Vance should win the Nobel Peace Prize for single-handedly ending the authoritarian regime in Hungary.

The doctor administering his cognitive exam: “Okay…yes, that’s really something. Now, can you tell me the five words I asked you to remember earlier?”

What an odious yutz. We need to cut bait on establishment Dems for good.

If you need a palette cleanse, here’s a piece that showed up and got stuck in my head last night, and I had figure out how to play it before I could sleep. I can’t wait to see where this goes…

Derek Sheen: The lies linking me to having two working penises need to end today. I never had two working penises and my email about having two working penises cannot be categorized as anything more than casual correspondence about my not having two working penises.

And the markets will go up again, enriching his pals who bought the dip and then he’ll go back to threatening them again and the market will fall and his pals will buy the dip and he’ll go back on his threats and rinse/repeat.

No matter what happens, I think we can all agree that Stephen Miller should have all his skin peeled off and fed to weasels. I probably need to drink more water…

What they eat says a lot about them. For example, that plate says “I like my omelettes like my leaders: barren, flavorless, overcooked and with steamed asparagus for no fucking reason”.

Saying "Lincoln was a Republican" is like saying “Kevin Spacey won an Oscar.” Technically it’s true, but a lot of shit has happened since then

This can’t be allowed to continue. It just can’t.

TRUMP: "I'm gonna fuckin' blow up all the fuckers! I wanna use all the bombs before I die! Helter skelter! Helter skelter! Race war! Race war! Fuck Easter and fuck you, too!" NEWS: "Trump promises to strengthen military in early morning Easter greeting."

“Hell Will Reign!”

None of these people will survive the purge that is coming. (Eats a Snickers…waits…nope, I meant what I said.)

y'all be sure to check out @dereksheen.bsky.social on YouTube! www.youtube.com/@DerekSheen666