Blackout the system. ⚫️ We ain’t buying it. 🚫 This year—spend time, not money. 🥰

How your email finds me:

Operation Rod Of Fury - US Special Forces penetrate the narcotraffickers' known shipping channels Operation Slippery Grasp - US forces tighten down on those narcotraffickers whose toned bronze bodies are always escaping our grasp Operation Hot Shower - They cum on our faces. Obviously.

No word yet on what kind of Black Friday specials the 37mm grenade launcher store is running, but they do currently have a football special on. Proudly owned in Florida, because of course. 😂 I don't wanna live there but I will do my more exotic shopping there. 🤗 ✅ Grenade launcher ☑️ Meerkat

It has always been so obvious that the backlash to MeToo isn’t about whether the abuse is happening but whether people are allowed to want it to stop

The reason why most women my age couldn't care less if Bill Clinton goes down with the ship is that we were teens & young women when the Anita Hill and Monica Lewinsky scandals happened. It's rotten to the core. All the way down. Your "lost" era is not ours.

props to WSJ for once on a useful notion, ADMIN PARTY for everybody

DOES IT INVOLVE JODIE FOSTER

TV conspiracies: we’ve hacked their computers but they’ve perfectly cleaned up the evidence! Real conspiracies: To: conspirator From: famous person Attachment: evidence.png

I got garbage normal things to be afraid of. I want weird little bespoke indie film fears. This is great. There should be a mirror so people can draw him on themselves. And when he goes up to the mirror someone ushers him away because costumes aren't allowed.

Come One! Come All! To The Democrat Bigot Orgy! If you love hate, you'll hate to miss it! On-site camping provided, this tent really is stupidly large!

@chucktingle.bsky.social Hey Chuck, please don't bomb Venezuela. Yes, the military is one huge, throbbing dick joke just looking for something to penetrate, but... Please don't bomb Venezuela, no matter how funny it would be to have Operation Sausage Slaughter or whatever.

I think a way to think about the Epstein shaped fracture in the Republican coalition is people who were deluded that they were the good guys vs the people who are extremely conscious that they are the bad guys.

You should always be a man's unattainable goal. Once he attains you, he'll either switch to a new target, or do some shit that makes you unattainable. Men love the chase. Stay on the gifts, dinners and vacations side of the chase, not the "I swear I'll do better this time" side.

170 citizens! Held illegally! NOT INCLUDING HOWEVER MANY* WERE DISAPPEARED! *sorry, it's very difficult to get a headcount on illegal extrajudicial kidnappings

Considering as how there's only two of them and this isn't known whale behavior, scientists are trying to decide if the whales love the squid and just happen to be very hungry, or really, really hate the squid.

TIL that blood platelets have serotonin receptors, which is why anemia can mimic depression symptoms and that is absolutely fucking fascinating.

Whoops, I went long. Way, way long. *gently puts head back*

Maybe it was the whole primitive, hateful idea of the feminine as dark, blind, weak, and evil that I saw shaking itself to pieces, imploding, crumbling into wreckage on a desert ground. And I rejoiced to see it fall. I still do.

I love Ron Wyden as much as I love any man, but... YOU ARE SO OLD YOU CAN'T MOVE YOUR HANDS PROPERLY. WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT FIGHTING "AS MUCH AS YOU CAN" LIKE IT'S A GOOD THING? Is the US Senate the oldest governing electoral body on earth? If not, WHO IS? And what decisions do they make? 🧐

Underrated point: Nobody that is paying attention trusts US Treasury Bonds at this point. WHO OWNS THEM AND WHY ARE THEY BEING SWAPPED DAILY IN THE CARIBBEAN LIKE YOUR MOM?

Like I said... Money isn't real and this is one of the main guys that destroyed the entire concept. Y'all are gonna be so mad in like 8 years when all the shit I'm saying today finally becomes commonly understood by the nerds, pundits and wonks you actually listen to.

This perfectly encapsulates how I feel living in the US. The republican party is an insane death cult, the democratic party is 3 corporations in a trench coat, and the "socialists" are just the completely normal left-wing capitalists you'd find in any of 2 dozen European nations.

Guy with a sandwich: “Fuck you armed agent of the state.” Ivy League: “I will eat my poop and thank you for it because I’m scared of a Fox News personality cosplaying as a lawyer”

I've been telling y'all to freak out about the atmospheric humidity column for a few years now. But I guess we're still not talking about the Wet Bulb Temperature yet either. 😒😒😒 Just love watching a mass extinction roll out at human-perceptible scale. Somebody please perceive this with me 🥺

I explained the client's civil remedies, but most people don't have 2-5 years to pursue them. "So why are you congratulating me? I still lost. All you're saying is they took almost everything from me instead of everything." The purpose of a system is what it does.

Girls. Two 10-12yo girls playing on a swing set in a war zone. Every woman on earth who thinks for 5 seconds knows what's happening to one or both of them in the next 10 years. We must end men's wars and men's violence. Castrate all violent men. We cannot have more war criminals among us.

big boat stuck BIG boat stuck BIG BOAT stuck BIG BOAT STUCK BIG BOAT STUCK BIG BOAT STUCK BIG BOAT STUCK

Scientist James Watson has died. As per his final requests, he will be buried in such a position that he can still look over the shoulder of the grave of Dr. Franklin, just in case zombie Rosalind discovers something else worth swiping.

I helped make a film, out this week, called “Rovina’s Choice,” about the deaths this man without conscience or accountability has caused — already 600,000, ⅔ of them children.

Always Sunny In Philadelphia: The gang stumbles down the street, arguing Mac: Guys, was I drinking shots or beers? Dee: Let's just call a cab Charlie: Do YOU have cab money? Dennis: Ok, let's just STEAL a cab. Mac: Shots or beers guys shots or beers Dee: Shots in pint glasses Mac: *falls* Josh 🚗

Post Snowden Era: "No flash drives. No Wi-Fi. No USB of any kind. Not so fast, where are you going with that iPod" Post Trump Era: "I'll just email it to you. Or should I post it in the group chat? Fuck it, you're already here, just snap a pic of my monitor, a thing we do here at HOMELAND SECURITY"

You have to understand. This is the fantasy of white folks in the US. The unmitigated cruelty of this travesty is *the reason* white folks either didn’t vote or voted for a racist pedophile for a second time. White folks do not care about a functioning society. They only care about hate.

I guess NYC landlords are breathing into a bag right now. The local warlords that will put your family on the street have all fled the city... ...to be replaced by sweet Aunt Margot that started renting out her one spare room for a little extra pin money after Uncle Joe passed... Poor landlords 🥺

I'm so used to seeing the immediate election hangover of "Progressive candidate will meet with constituents and shareholders as soon as they're done shaking the dicks of all the money in town" Has Mamdani been going around behind my back keeping campaign promises?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? 🫩🧐🥹

Excuse me, waiter? This is not what I ordered. I ordered a Cheezit word salad with a side of Kentucky budget turtle. This appears to be just a stale cracker. 😐😒

Uhhhh... Guys... This looks real bad. Real fucking bad.

Democrats Never Learn, part 5,825,311 GOP, throwing a white tablecloth over their hatred and pretending it's not a Klan rally: "Americans don't care about XYZ, they care about THE PRICE OF EGGS!" -Nationwide rejection of fascism- "Democrats care about what really matters - MONEY" 😐😒😬😡🫩

When I was an exchange student in Bavaria in the 1980s, my teachers still remember how the American GIs fed them when they were hungry

We... Should definitely not be telling our soldiers to consume food donations for the poor and needy of another country. "This is the Brazilian military base that we were forced to allow inside the borders of Texas. So young Brazilian men can line up at food banks before Texas mothers" Uhhhh... 🧐

✨🎶 Let's Play Presidential Dementia Pictionary! First question: Can he draw a clock? Second question: Can he circle Nigeria on a map? Third questio- SIR PLEASE DON'T EAT THE MAP... ... ...🎶...✨

Because even all these years later, it's still recognized as one of the worst fumbles of all time. You managed to get whole ass barrels of gunpowder snuggled directly under parliament and... THEN you got caught? *AFTER* ROLLING IN ALL THE KEGS OF GUNPOWDER AND REELS OF FUSE? Bro. Disappoint. 😒

A 34-year-old as a serial rapist: Oh no guys, get out the color wheel

Here's another bit of conventional wisdom Zohran completely blew away: His speech was at well above a 10th-grade level. It was complex, erudite, punctuated by deep and fluent references. You don't have to condescend to voters with baby talk! Part of re-establishing norms is speaking like an adult.

This doesn't make sense at all, because everyone I've ever met who has clocked hundreds of hours at the gun range had an extremely normal, functional brain and did not harbor any crazypants beliefs whatsoever. 😐

Oh shit... Did somebody ask him a gynecology question? 🧐

If a footlong sub is terrorism, does that mean Lunchables are small acts of resistance? I would like a small but revolutionary charcuterie please. 🙏🫡🤤

Well, we can all sleep a little better at night knowing the streets of San Diego are safe from... The ice pop guy. 😐 *puts paper bag to face* *screams forever*

I want to know if Cheney survived all those years on the heart he got in 2013, or if somehow he skipped the line for seconds. And thirds. 12 years is a long time to live on a donor heart.