What's the best way to search online for the nearest public toilet? Check the IP address. #badumtss

Wrote another article for The Skeptic. Spoiler alert: Bigots don't * really * care about women's safety, and lazy journalism doesn't help. www.skeptic.org.uk/2026/03/scot...

My Auntie Jen has an amazing immune system. #badumtss

I have a pawn-Sean for naming chess pieces

Cricket coaches are overthinkers. #badumtss

Why should you occasionally buy low quality shampoo? Because it's good to let your hair down once in a while. #badumtss

My local drug dealer is a piller of the community. #badumtss

The media claimed Joe Rogan spoke out against ICE's tactics. We listen to Rogan, and he did nothing of the sort. Then ICE shot another citizen. How did Joe respond? Patrons can hear Rogan excuse the shooting of Alex Pretti. It'll be on the free feed on Tuesday. www.patreon.com/posts/0054-a...

Using Microsoft's search engine to find a Friends-themed light fitting: Chandelier Bing

Why do temporary placement employees have fertility problems? - Locum #badumtss

People on the organ donation waiting list ... Your heart goes out to them.

I just spotted Poirot coming out of the Barbers. . - Hercule? . Not really, just a standard short back and sides. #badumtss

Public service announcement: Your instinct to throw any letters you get from Reform straight in the bin is mostly correct. However, if it contains a free post envelope then you can cost them money by posting it. You can also help them by pointing out missing options in their market research.

Heavily pregnant deer's favourite dish: - Fondue #badumtss

Which country's documentation should you read through? . Peru's . #badumtss

Many years ago I fainted after giving blood. They said I'd best not come back. But, after hearing about a shortage I called up & persuaded 'em to let me try again. Got thru it no problem, and the staff there are amazing! If you're in decent health, please think about having a go. Free biccies too!!

Most amenable fictional woodland? Sherwood Forest! #badumtss

"Put down your phone! Live in the moment!" Sure, all fair & well, but what about those who want to vicariously enjoy your moment? Think I've seen McLean's goal from every section of the stadium & reactions from every pub in the country. Can't get enough of it. Thanks to the Tartan Army film crew!

Ambiguous job title: Spokesperson for a bicycle company.

Yoda's description of a lucky molar. Fortuitous. #badumtss

Cracking lightning talk about failures in logic on #CelebrityTraitors Watch here: youtu.be/w-d80wFmhT4?...

Got fired from Starbucks for gross misconduct, but managed to find work as a Pee-Lattes Instructor.

European country with highest viewing figures of the Oxford vs Cambridge boat race .... . Romania . #badumtss

In the interests of safety, Trump should probably declare Queen Latifah as a terrorist organization as well.

Hey there my Scottish friend. I'm a little worried about buying a yacht when I'm on holiday in Germany. . - fer boatin' ? . No, but you do need to apply for a license. . #badumtss

Wrote another article for The Skeptic. Was it a thinly veiled excuse to point people towards some of my favourite comedians like @pierrenovellie.bsky.social , @jackiekashian.bsky.social and @stevehofstetter.bsky.social ? ... of course not. How dare you! www.skeptic.org.uk/2025/09/stan...

If you're unsure of what hobbies you want to pursue after you retire then you should see an advisor about making a penchant plan. #badumtss

What do you call a Frenchman with an aggressive cat? . Claude . #badumtss

I love that the giraffes have been drawn to look fekin' FURIOUS! Don't wanna victim blame or anything, but you can't help but wonder what that guy did to provoke their ire.

Went to an improvised outdoor retail experience last Sunday hoping to buy some locally grown produce. Ended up coming home with a minor character from Lord of the Rings. Turns out it was a Faramirs market. . #badumtss

In or near Edinburgh this evening? Why not come along and see MEEEEE? 8.35 at the Banshee Labyrinth. It's going to be out of this world!

Me and Ivy burnin' up the thermal camera! Had a great time at Kirkcudbright Planetarium.

Well known 70s American rock band famous for the song Africa to do their farewell gig at the Isle of Man motorbike race, while dressed as ballerinas with Asian cravats Headline: Toto Tata TT tutu Thai tie

Philanthropic project idea: Free-for-all design of clothing with gentle fabrics for skin ulcer sufferers ..... 'Open sores soft wear'

Clowns' favourite Pope: Pius.

Mathematician calculating variation about the mean of tapering flag fetishes. ..... Standard deviation

New podcast idea: True crime podcast, but it's petty crimes only. All the serious music, dramatic cliffhangers, citizen sleuths, anonymous interviews, FOIA requests - but none of the murder. Only inconsequential stuff like nicking office stationery, jaywalking, minor graffiti, sheep worrying etc.

What to say if you're between two cops: "Am I being de taint?"

I've recently become a sex worker in an extreme religious community. - Mennonite? Currently averaging about five. #badumtss

What's the best food to silence pirates? The cease-arrrr salad. #badumtss

Robert F Kennedy Jr.’s “autism cure” quest reeks of eugenics | Noah Lugeons @noahlugeons.bsky.social While claiming to seek a "cure" for autism, Robert F Kennedy Jr places autistic people on a spectrum ranging from inconvenient to undesirable

In case there's any confusion... Huge tariffs = Bad Huge guitar riffs = Good 🤘🎸

DNA analysis almost certainly hasn’t just solved the mystery of Jack the Ripper | Mike Hall DNA analysis claiming that Jack the Ripper was a Polish barber are based less in science and more in our morbid fascination with serial killers

The coolest thing I’ve seen today is that a bunch of volunteer public health professionals and developers have restored the CDC website from before January 20th 2025. This differs from an archive in that they want to rebuild the links between pages and replicate the full website.

The philosopher who pioneered the term for theory of knowledge really annoyed his colleagues. He pissed 'em all. O.G!

The Telepathy Tapes podcast claims non-verbal children have remarkable supernatural powers, based on flawed experiments and unconstrained belief

They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop.