I was a few years ahead of Bari Weiss in college and a few years ahead of Martin Shkreli in high school. I feel like Indiana Jones if he was running from a giant boulder made of dickheads.

Shows announced in Detroit, Boston, Toronto, Denver, Seattle, and more.

This was a response to my post in my own subreddit.

New Year's Eve show in Fort Mill, SC.

Congratulations to those cheering for the tariff-funded military bonus on your support of socialism. Who's mommy's little socialist? You are! You are!

On camera, a 46 year-old real estate developer told a ten year-old child he'd be dating her in 10 years. That developer was Donald Trump. Release the files.

Donald Trump Jr. is engaged! The couple is registered at Macy's in whatever aisle they keep the mirrors and tiny spoons.

The deadline to release the Epstein files is Friday. I can't wait to find out what country we invade on Thursday.

Being awake is too woke for them.

Taking the hospital's birth prep course and most of the information for partners is "don't be a jerk." I'm 30 minutes in to a six-hour course and it's already told me to help around the house three times. The bar for men isn't just low, it's six feet under.

A lot has changed since I wrote this joke.

Donald Trump just announced that the US has seized an oil tanker off the coast of Venezuela, giving Eric Trump just enough to oil put in his hair for the next two months.

Nick Fuentes admitted he’s never had sex. Maybe he’s saving himself for child-marriage.

When I see a MAGA start a post with "you can't make this up" it is immediately followed with something they made up.

Trump is so anti-woke, he's making it difficult to afford coffee.

I don't think I have ever seen a better example of Dunning-Kruger.

The Department of Justice is taking so long to release the Epstein files, you'd think they were a citizen arrested by ICE.

MAGA is crediting Trump for low gas prices. The average price is the same this week as it was a year ago. Hey, who was president a year ago?

I’m glad CBS/Paramount lost the bid to buy HBO. I don’t want to see a reboot of Game of Thrones where the Whitewalkers are written as patriots who just want to make Westeros great again.

Of course the size of my platform helped, but so did not backing down. Do not let greedy companies steal from you or push you around.

If the 2026 elections swing by the same % as TN-7 did, democrats will end up with 248 seats in the House and 58 senators.

Just got my Spotify wrapped! My comedy was streamed over a million times. Spotify barely paid me and instead spent the money funding fascism because they’re assholes. It’s an honor.

No. Thanks for asking.

“I’m the good guy!”, he thinks to himself as he DMs poorly written insults to strangers. “Picking fights with strangers is the right thing to do.”

District 7 was a Republican stronghold. Aftyn Behn gained in EVERY county in her district and barely lost. If that happens across the country, democrats will win over 300 congressional seats. Bring on the midterms.

I am happy to release the files. Vote Aftyn Behn in Tennessee’s district 7 TODAY.

Dear Tennessee district 7: Please vote for Aftyn Behn tomorrow. She is wonderful and also it will make Donald Trump very sad.

BABE WAKE UP. NEW MARIA EMAIL JUST DROPPED.

Pete Hegseth is being investigated for war crimes? I can’t believe that a war crime could be committed by someone with the extensive military leadership experience of being a bad weekend tabloid host.

“If vaccines work, why would you need a booster?” he asks as he changes his oil for the third time that year.

New Year's show in Fort Mill, SC.

Shows in Charlotte, Fort Mill, and Lithopolis.

I am thankful for those of you who are standing up to fascism.

MAGA won't accept that trans women are women but they have no issue pretending that 15 year-old children are women.

My pregnant wife got her COVID booster yesterday and our WiFi has never been faster.

New Year's Eve show in Fort Mill, SC.

Thank you to those who positively review my Facebook page to counteract idiots like this.

Fun writing with friends.

Nothing makes me laugh more than a MAGA account with hardly any followers. Your audience is gullible simps who throw money at anything Trump adjacent and you still somehow fumbled the bag.

Marjorie Taylor Greene is resigning from Congress. Now when people ask me to name one good thing Trump has done I FINALLY have an answer.

Show in Columbus, GA tomorrow. Tickets on my website.

If telling soldiers they’re not supposed to obey illegal orders is seditious, then every military officer is guilty because that’s in the fucking training you boot-licking pinheaded cultists.