billjack hurrrrrrrrsemon

food ending in o are my favourite Cheeto Frito spaghetti-o oreo Cheerio pizzo susho soupo

back to work and just diving right the fuck back in (didn't worry about the calories in bout to eat some fritos)

I think of them every day

sometimes I'm so busy I can't answer everyone but if I liked your post it made me go "hehehe"

well that was a really fun rapture I'll see y'all again next time

lol one of my coworkers was clocking off for the day and he looks at me and says "so uh. do you remember how to close?" and I looked up at him him: "you know, I don't know how you do this but you can smile in a way that is deeply benevolent, but also reminds me you COULD kill me if you wanted to."

well back at the grocery store, wonderful welcome back just sitting here on my break watching people purchase a deli sandwich, complete the transaction, then WOOP, raptured. sweet and sour chicken, WOOP raptured. box of donuts, WOOP. raptured. oh that guy didn't go, what did he buy... kombucha

okay let's do this back to work today back to my crew let's fuckin go

so this is heaven

I don't want to go down in history just being known for my basketball skills. I also vape

loong

laughing at my teenager who is home sick today "I hate being sick. makes me feel like an old person" [gets up to go to the bathroom] "heyyy sweetie OH MAH HIP" [hobbles off] [returns from bathroom] "hey kids OH MAH CALVES" [hides under blankets on the couch] "FUCK THIS"

admittedly I like this better and also it made me feel better everything is good now

anyway Sherwin Williams launched the GBMF project and have killed, maimed, or acquired such companies as Parker, Valspar, Dutch Boy, Sika, Cabot, Minwax, Purdy, Pratt & Lambert, Thompson's Water Seal, Duckback, Krylon, many more I can't fit here. GBMF: Good Bye "My Friend" (see also: Mother Fucker)

I don't want to go down in history just being known for my basketball skills. I also vape

big chunk of bangs I just. not dying. wonder if that will look cute. heck yeah it will heck yeah I'm doing that

I love how the rapture is just a bunch of christians (the nazi bar of religions) stomping their feet screaming and crying "DAD SAYS I'M RIGHT! DAD SAYS I'M RIIIIIIGHT HE'S GONNA SHOW YOU JUST YOU WAIT"

I dunno I think a rapture could fix me

me searching for a gif expressing how I feel vs what the search engine gives me

i wish the tradwife people understood that its a kink that theyre doing a kink

He's having a great day already

men replying to me out here like I made a post for them

there are a bunch of teens sitting near me in the food court and I overheard this fantastic exchange: teen 1: if you want to flatter Steve, tell him he looks scary teen 2: Steve? scary? he looks like a Funko pop

It's Duncan's birthday so he dressed up for work today

To all the beautiful people, inside and out: thank you for being awesome!

hey you you are fucking beautiful eat whatever you want

well since my ex moved back in he's started learning how to cook and I'm cool with that

my muscles are aching so much today and i was trying to figure out why because I've been relaxing most of this weekend and then I remembered that hard brake and sickass swerve I took yesterday in the truck to avoid a bigger accident can you injure yourself from that? I didn't hit anything or get hit

Call me Icarus the way I’m regretting these hot wings

when i'm at a restaurant and they put the number of calories next to the food on the menu i can't help but read it as how much HP i'll restore

You know what Tumblr account I always enjoyed was Best URL on Here. What's that fellow up to I wonder

sometimes when me & Agent C were out greeting members the ones who don't know what the union is would look at us with distrust, curiosity, or fear at one point I said to her "they look at us like we're Mormons" and the look of horror on her face when she told me to fuck off, y'all 😂 fuckin hilarious

okay now I'm going to watch Howl's Moving Castle and cry at that for a while

I'm excited for the rapture because that's the day I go back to work and then at least I'll have a good reason to call out

oh you know what else is a perfect movie bedazzled the Brendan Fraser one what a precious treasure he is

I made salad

what does that sticker mean is that what you named your car is your car named Jesus without any further information I have to assume that's what you named your car hello Jesus

with my previous favorite comfort movie (Hot Fuzz) knocked out of the number one spot by the fact that the leads have proved to be transphobes who value money over human lives, Kabluey takes its rightful place as perfect movie for me

I don't care about winning fantasy football I care about kicking my brother-in-law's ass at fantasy football

this is my emotional support Jesus

I think it's very polite that my enemies clearly label their drinks before serving them to me. helps avoid the whole Princess Bride situation

Is this Will Ferrell wait Is this John C Reilly

that is also my personal 9/11

nappa im trying to sneak up on kakarot but im dummy thicc and the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting him

how's my night going I took a big swig of rum let out a long belch and then grinned and said in a spot-on imitation of Frasier Crane's voice "quite stylish." to my cat

Beat malls

meat??? balls????

Chernobyl would be a beautiful name for a little girl Elephants Foot is her brother