All hogs go to heaven

100% real dairy dessert

Game looks pretty cool store.steampowered.com/app/4271760/...

A watched toaster never pops, except my busted ass one who pops if i walk too far away from it. Piece of shi

Saying with two cheeks down: “I’m listening”

Saying with my whole chest: “i think reality tv is ok and even fun at times”

A one word horror story: G-g-g-ghost?!

Trying to help my son go back to sleep after he wakes up scared

Tabasco on eggs is mighty fine Have people heard about this?

the fabe? it was okay

Samurai JACKROOMS

Sorry, been out of the game for a while (my entire life)

Help! I’m being perversely incentivized!

Why double down on a shitty thing when you can double up on a tasty treat

The appendix actual filters out the irony from your body

*slaps the hood of my range* This could clear up so much steam/smoke if it worked better

“You hate data centers? You know the Internet uses data centers too, right? Like you’re using one now to post this” i reply, chuckling to myself in my room with black out shades and ac blasting. It’s hot outside. Too hot some say.

I’m not scared to admit when i don’t know something. I do it often enough that I’m numb to it

I used to open up cans of whoop ass but now I buy them fresh, cage free and organic.

Sometimes god also gives some battles to his handsomest warriors

The snack that launched a thousand toots

Mixing up “cheugy” and “gucci” in my testimony

Kinda messed up that after creating such a useful way to leverage a spinning platform, Susan’s nickname still haunts her and her invention

Looking over the top of my sunglasses at the big scary dragon wizard: “I like that dragon you waggin”

Too stressed to be blessed

“Hot dog” is one of the few food names you can exclaim in delight

Corndog Millionaire

A revolving door would be so funny here

Never let the asshole take you to a second opinion

Trying to figure out what my soon to be 3 year olds want for their birthday and various snacks are the answers I’m getting

Yoda, looking into your eyes: “enough, you are”

They pious cuz they can’t try us

LBJ = Le Bon Jovi

Putting a burger in a time capsule

[mel brooks voice]: better than ezra? what could be worse?

Makes sense why Wario is pissed. Going through life all happy and then you meet some guy with a similar sounding name and everyone compares you to him and for some reason you come out the evil one.

Damn. This show is pretty good. Making me want to listen to listen to New Orleans jazz

Robo’s theme from Chrono Trigger is a jam

Using “Common sense” in the pitch for my feedback in some political survey gives me bad vibes.

Keeping up with bullcrap is exhausting. Only cool things should happen.

Telling someone to “buzz off” used to mean something in this country

I wasnt ready to get into lcd soundsystem then, but maybe now i am.

The Goosebumps Dog in the Criterion Closet.

Dr. Seuss was pretty chill about writing prescriptions

Man who has completely shitty opinions: “wow, you can’t even share opinions anymore”

You’ve Fela’d your last Kuti