Someone should make a super cut of Buddy Garrity being too dramatic in Friday Night Lights

Shid is worse than crud

The way i act in the streets is tangentially related to my behavior in the sheets.

This is why we can’t have nice things. You, however, can have some nice things.

Mine is that being nice to people is generally a good thing.

Sleep is for the weak, like me, because im so tired

I wish i could edit my posts sometimes so that i could make them worse

Couldn’t those autonomous dishwasher filling robots just come with the controller so you can use it to put the dishes away yourself* *using the controller to control the robot

The first flying squirrel probably made their mom really worried

I became a poster to change the system from the inside

Colonel panic

You’re supposed to remove the silver lining from the situation before putting it in the microwave

Friend or focaccia

Asking the concession clerk of these corn dogs are from the same litter

If you don’t post through it, how can you expect others to?

Civilians aren’t aware of the real rules of battle. Once you get a tire to the enemy base, it turns into a queen and that alone can turn the tide of war.

Using a time machine to go back in time to stop myself from trying haggis

The guy said the only reason they call it “fools gold” is because they’re letting it go for so cheap

If we all don’t fall back an hour then they can’t make us do it

Seeing people play chicken probably hits differently if you’re a chicken

There’s a strange hollowness to “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse+”

My favorite trick or treat moment was my 2yo son asking for more candy by saying “Mas? Mas?” to a neighbor and the time it took for them to realize he’s speaking spanish. The kids did so well tonight trick or treating for the first time 🥹

I don’t like the new dislike feature but i don’t know how to express it

I’d rather be a forest than a street

Install update or hide forever

I don’t get how i can remember a throwaway joke from the end of a Futurama episode from 2000 (“wandering bladder”) but i struggle to remember people’s names that i meet somewhat recently.

When someone tells me “you made your bed, now you have to sleep in it” it actually makes me more comfortable with my cozy consequences.

Started Silksong and the “overgrown pilgrim” is my favorite enemy right now. His movements and sounds are so funny

“Calliope” reads like it should be pronounced like a Minnesotan realizing halfway through his answer that California is not correct.

Poultrygeist

Yo that’s me$t up

Ask your Doctor today if going to see the Great Clown Pagliacchi is right for you* *some restrictions apply to clowns named Pagliacchi

Take a post Leave a post

Having a day off means spending the day on line

"if you're not angry, you aren't paying attention" yeagG?? whacthiis shhjit [mergeing 3 car lanes over with my eyes closesd] fuckfuckfuck!!!

FYI… There were NO Animal Hospitals when i was a kid, Because pets werent sick

Not sure if it’s Cly-ro or Claire-o

I like to use blanket statements, like “that about covers it”, “that’s very comforting”, “I’m cozy”

One Web app is ok to share but if you’re really hungry you’re going to want to order two

Tooth paste Caulk Tomato paste Certain hand creams All dispensed via udder

this headline hums with ancient autumnal dread

My cat is so cool. He hangs with me and then bites the heck out of my hand and every night we do it all over again

Getting in on the ground floor of a completely shitty idea

Just giving my two cents, and considering the economy, they’re probably worth less than they’ve ever been

The “Beach Plum” flavor of La Croix has a dang peach on it.

More things should be dispensed via udders

With the right ingredients, sludge can actually be pretty good

sorry, y’all, I made a wish to the monkey’s paw for someone to do something again with the Austin Powers characters

People on here will post anything. 'We all had a nazi phase.' No we didn’t. That isn’t true."

Nostalgia's okay, but it used to be better