I am juuust Xennial enough to actually get my printer to work, and to understand that it does so solely as an act of mercy

Don’t cry bc it’s over, smile bc it happened (pooping)

All of our sleeping pets are part of the Extended Snoozleverse

Scorpion, “No One Likes You”

Sleep isn’t real, it can’t hurt you

I’m more than just a middle-aged, divorced, childless cat lady I also have dogs

I have drunken the bone hurting juice which you were probably saving for your bones Forgive me ow oof my bones

You guys ever listen to music? They got some pretty good songs

Chauncey before and after I tell him he’s a golden god of the sun

I think I'd like being ensorcelled.

I dreamed about fighting Freddy Krueger all night. He got in my house by pretending to be part of Biggie’s entourage, but I caught him bc he wasn’t a true playa. I defeated Freddy by yelling “You got a fucked up dick!” into his face repeatedly, then snapping his head in a pizza box like a mousetrap

every once in a while i remember this door

Dexter Hollandaise

Please, not in front of my tactical spork

You guys are never gonna believe this, but

going this way -steve nick

“I’ll do it in the morning” Sure you will, champ

gremblin møde

The 2nd worst thing about a zombie apocalypse would be going to work during it

Autocorrect is always helping me

like, uncanny valley girl

Death cab for you, cutie

Colorless green ideas HATE this one weird sleep trick!!

uh oh

From hell’s heart you stab at ME?

Moby Dickweed

It’s short for Edward Moneyhands

Welp this is what I’ve been doing the past [mumble] hours

On that 555-5555 shit

The Hat Man is married to The Hat Ma’am

Live the kind of life where you have friends like this

(Not me, I’m already an unlovable slattern)

Heat-seeking mistletoe

Naps are terrible bc what do you mean I have to go to bed AND get up twice in one day??

Aunts everywhere are preparing to don their most festive pair of glasses

Indeco IFP28X pulverizer with googly eyes.

The cats are SO MAD that I’m making them fast. But I really need them to win this race

Gerry Was A Go Kart Driver

Oh well this was real good

dogs

ohhhhhhh hell yeah its the fuckin solstice !!!!! fuck the equinox its #solstice the god damn #Solstice ‼️‼️

cats

smell mail

The last thing I want to do is anything

Me: [chanting, pounding my desk] CHARTS CHARTS CHARTS!

God’s dampest ragamuffins have logged on

DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RARE LIMITED 1994 SNES

loup-de-loup-garou