Oh good, my annual National Parks pass came in the mail. I can't wait to see what beautiful nature photo they used this year.

TIL that Picante sauce can go bad. OTOH - free penicillin - so it's kind of a six/half dozen situation.

Roman soldiers outside of Jesus's empty tomb. Circa 33 AD., coloured.

April's Fool Moon

I had so many Polish-American friends in college and not a single one of them ever told me about Dyngus Day aka Wet Monday? Is this their version of being invited to the cookout and I didn't make the cut?

I do not want your opinion on rap or hip-hop if you don't even know what industry rule number 4080 is.

People asked a lot of questions today that were indirectly answered by my t-shirt.

A group of older white men co-presenting together is called an interruption.

If I know the Democrats - and I think I do - they will figure out a way to make the job harder.

A durian. So smelly your enemies will beg to surrender to you.

Gillenwater v. Home Depot Inc., No. 20-CV-10338-DJC, 2022 WL 17363508, at *6 (D. Mass. Dec. 1, 2022) (coworker's habit of calling plaintiff "p diddy," years prior to Sean Combs' indictment on sex crimes charges, insufficient to establish hostile working environment). Citation is an art form.

One of the attorneys in another department brought her daughter down the hall to meet me because she "didn't know boys could be attorneys."

Beginning to think the White Lotus theme composer listened to the intro to Watermelon Man by Herbie Hancock a lot.

I usually tune out the people yelling and fighting down on the street below the office but this guy chanting "everything in America is broken! Stop going to work, it's bullshit!" for the last ten minutes is making some solid points.

God gives her toughest ink stains to the shirts of her strongest soldiers.

Me: I had a dream that I booked the wrong flight and they had no more delta one seats left. Then I wandered around the plane and ran into my HS prom date (platonic) and we started kissing. Lady Bear: YOU PUT ME IN COACH? And that's on being a few weeks away from 20 years or marriage.

In case you were curious this woman I worked with 18 years ago just paid her kid's tutor, bought some Girl Scout cookies and doesn't know her Venmo is set to public.

Most of my humor is self-deprecating but this morning I punched down on the most irritating person in the office to his subordinate and it made her day. I regret nothing.

I am pretty sure that I did not actually walk 150k steps today Apple.

Someone just referred to a 63-year old as a senior citizen and even though I'm still (barely) in my early 50s I found this quite disturbing.

Seeing this in person was wild as hell. (Derogatory)

Donald "The Dove" Trump, FIFA Peace Prize recipient, and founder and Chairman for Life of the Board of Peace, initiated a first strike against Iran because of its nuclear weapons program that he destroyed completely last year.

My brain is writing checks that my brain can't cash.

If you ask your Ring Camera if it's a cop it is not allowed to spy on you.

Now that I am a manager I only review litigation tasks but told my team I wanted to personally respond to the latest e-mail from opposing counsel. Sir, you have now unleashed five years of pent up lawyer snark. Where's my thesaurus?

Reflexively used the term “Chinese wall” recently. Immediately said “I am so sorry there’s probably a non-troglodyte way of saying that” - and then I had to explain two things.

I feel like confusing a balloon with a drone and then shooting at it would get you drug tested at a warehouse job.

Even he couldn't stand to watch the TPUSA halftime show.

In my head I keep pronouncing the TPUSA halftime show like King Julien talking about the foosa.

FedEx just sent me a text notifying me that even though my package is delayed it will arrive by 1/29.

Five Classes I took in College: Modern Political Thought Human Sexuality Medieval History Criminological Research Methods Earth Science: Astronomy & Meteorology

Administration is considering screening Melania in immigration detention centers to get people to self deport. Supreme Court will ultimately have to resolve a circuit split about whether this would constitute an 8th amendment violation.

Back at the spa for a massage and when I laid down she told me to "breathe in and clean my mind." No es posible señora.

Puffing and never passing

On vacation and about to get a mani pedi at the spa, but butching it up by calling it a manual/pediual

Just inserted the tip AND adjusted the strap.

We told you we all needed weapons to defend ourselves against a future government that would shoot us in the streets. What we didn’t tell you is that we have helped bring you that government. by the NRA

Last night I dreamed the impossible dream. I was missing a class during 2L because I was taking a deposition in NYC.

Someone at work just sent a message about a banana "peele"

Why bother there's nothing great happening out here

Greenland Iceland Maryland what’s the difference

What’s your sign? (You damn right)

"Martha Luther King Junior." "What did he do?" "He died for our sins." That kid cracks me up every time

"She's dead." "Ah...nature's NDA." ☠️

Last night my 11 year old niece discovered that I have been married twice and said "HOW!?!"

I did!

A Boulevardier. Do I have Campari?

I bet Facebook has been a shit show the past few weeks, but I may have to spend my Monday on there calling out hypocrites posting MLK quotes.

My mom (talking to her friend in my presence): My daughter is my head child and my son is my heart child. She is very smart and analytical, and he’s very caring. Me: