Bourbon Loving Teddy Bear
@bourbonteddy.bsky.social
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📥 575
📝 1796
⚖️ 🥃 🎶 🤣 📸 🤷🏾♂️
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Back at the spa for a massage and when I laid down she told me to "breathe in and clean my mind." No es posible señora.
add a skeleton here at some point
17 days ago
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Reflexively used the term “Chinese wall” recently. Immediately said “I am so sorry there’s probably a non-troglodyte way of saying that” - and then I had to explain two things.
about 4 hours ago
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I feel like confusing a balloon with a drone and then shooting at it would get you drug tested at a warehouse job.
3 days ago
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Even he couldn't stand to watch the TPUSA halftime show.
add a skeleton here at some point
6 days ago
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In my head I keep pronouncing the TPUSA halftime show like King Julien talking about the foosa.
12 days ago
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FedEx just sent me a text notifying me that even though my package is delayed it will arrive by 1/29.
15 days ago
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Five Classes I took in College: Modern Political Thought Human Sexuality Medieval History Criminological Research Methods Earth Science: Astronomy & Meteorology
add a skeleton here at some point
16 days ago
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Administration is considering screening Melania in immigration detention centers to get people to self deport. Supreme Court will ultimately have to resolve a circuit split about whether this would constitute an 8th amendment violation.
17 days ago
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Back at the spa for a massage and when I laid down she told me to "breathe in and clean my mind." No es posible señora.
add a skeleton here at some point
17 days ago
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Puffing and never passing
add a skeleton here at some point
18 days ago
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On vacation and about to get a mani pedi at the spa, but butching it up by calling it a manual/pediual
19 days ago
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Just inserted the tip AND adjusted the strap.
21 days ago
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reposted by
Bourbon Loving Teddy Bear
NY Times Pitchbot
22 days ago
We told you we all needed weapons to defend ourselves against a future government that would shoot us in the streets. What we didn’t tell you is that we have helped bring you that government. by the NRA
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Last night I dreamed the impossible dream. I was missing a class during 2L because I was taking a deposition in NYC.
22 days ago
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Someone at work just sent a message about a banana "peele"
24 days ago
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Why bother there's nothing great happening out here
add a skeleton here at some point
24 days ago
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Greenland Iceland Maryland what’s the difference
25 days ago
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What’s your sign? (You damn right)
add a skeleton here at some point
25 days ago
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"Martha Luther King Junior." "What did he do?" "He died for our sins." That kid cracks me up every time
27 days ago
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"She's dead." "Ah...nature's NDA." ☠️
28 days ago
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Last night my 11 year old niece discovered that I have been married twice and said "HOW!?!"
28 days ago
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I did!
add a skeleton here at some point
30 days ago
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A Boulevardier. Do I have Campari?
30 days ago
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I bet Facebook has been a shit show the past few weeks, but I may have to spend my Monday on there calling out hypocrites posting MLK quotes.
about 1 month ago
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My mom (talking to her friend in my presence): My daughter is my head child and my son is my heart child. She is very smart and analytical, and he’s very caring. Me:
about 1 month ago
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My Uber driver is doing 58 in the fast lane. Is that even allowed in Atlanta? Afraid we are going to get pulled over for going to slowly.
about 1 month ago
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So glad we are in the office every day now so that I can say “nothing from legal” in person instead of via Teams.
about 1 month ago
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Her: you are a hot mess Me: so....you're saying I'm hot?
about 1 month ago
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Not the worst law enforcement related story I've heard in the past week.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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My fried eggs are as bad as my scrambled eggs are good.
about 1 month ago
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I know a clanker written piece when I see one
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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Is it finally time for me to watch Idiocracy?
about 1 month ago
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Breaking: FIFA planning to name its inaugural Regime Change Award winner on Monday.
about 1 month ago
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Watching BBC coverage so I can follow the invasion news but also who won the World Darts Championship. (Congratulations Luke Littler!)
about 1 month ago
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I didn't even know we were at war with Eastasia
about 1 month ago
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Introduce yourself with what almost killed you: Two different hit and run drivers 35 years apart.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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Goodbye 2025 - don't let the door hit you on the way out
about 2 months ago
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As dressed up as I'm getting for NYE. Bourbon gonna soon come.
about 2 months ago
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Thanks Duo but I didn't need to learn this sentence.
about 2 months ago
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reposted by
Bourbon Loving Teddy Bear
Damnit Janet
about 2 months ago
I dunno man, today just feels like a waste of my business pyjamas
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reposted by
Bourbon Loving Teddy Bear
𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝
about 2 months ago
Growth is knowing my flaws intimately and doing nothing about them.
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Georgia troopers will be like didn't you see the speed limit sign?
about 2 months ago
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Bleary-eyed walking through the airport and some little girl points at me and yells to her mom "that man has a big belly!"
about 2 months ago
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Some might say I’m easy to shop for…
about 2 months ago
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reposted by
Bourbon Loving Teddy Bear
Ashley
about 2 months ago
Merry Christmas (secular)!
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You've been naughty? Then come sit by me and tell me all the stories.
about 2 months ago
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The only way we are going to save the planet is if everyone buys 20+ insulated water bottles to stop drinking from plastic bottles but also sometimes still do that too.
about 2 months ago
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Post a random picture of everything will go bad in 2026
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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The best chart I've seen in an Economist article
about 2 months ago
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Can anyone call a meeting after they are dead to force a bunch of people to hear they aren't getting any money from me, or can only rich people do that?
about 2 months ago
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