Fund DHS like it's 1999

Really underrated part of Harry Potter is when Umbridge releases a beloved pro-muggles fiction series and then uses the proceeds to fund the death eaters.

I've said it before: I genuinely consider it a moral imperative that people my age and up bang the drum about what the Internet used to be so those younger know that there's nothing inherent about what it is now. The Internet doesn't have to be this; its culture can and has belonged to people.

We killed a bunch of kids, and, as always, that's my main goal, so mission accomplished.

Listen, we can't afford to fund social programs, our resources are all devoted to the metaverse/crypto assets/Rockets/AI/a forever war in the middle east

Oh, the Emperor's general decided "In this sign conquer". Great, that'll end well.

If Warren Buffet ever passes away, we'll be in a spot where none of the billionaires are decent human beings, is that right?

People don't realize that AI is quite dangerous. For example, if AI becomes advanced enough, it might decide to tilt our entire economy toward the production of GPUs and data centres, creating a huge bubble with dire economic and environmental consequences.

The unexamined life is ... all there was until the 20th century

I mean, I know why people say that Epstein's clients haven't faced justice, but you have to consider that being locked at Mar a Lago is some kind of punishment.

"If people saw how stupid and callous I am, that would really hurt my reputation." 🧵:

Underreported story that the SecDef thinks the VP is demonic

On the plus side, the war crimes trials will be very easy to win. On the down side, there will be A LOT of them.

Has Putin said 'thank you' even once?

Meaning what? We're gonna do so many murders that the late great Dr. Hannibal Lecter would blush.

Not blowing up girls schools was woke

US officials are starting to worry that domestic terror troops are spread thin, and so are hoping to recruit some international terrorists to compliment the US terror mix.

Again, if you're ever wondering what guiding principle the trump regime is following, it's F Them Kids

We killed 85 schoolgirls. We are not the good guys.

It is incredibly tragic, but also bombing a girls school is the most on-brand thing the trump regime could have done last night.

omg they let elon musk name their middle east war

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done - started a war in the middle east - completely destroyed the economy

oh hey I slept in a little, now for my morning tradition: a big sip of coffee before I check the news

Donald Trump is pursuing illegal wars the right way

Really starting to regret voting for the "Child rapist and economic devastation" party.

Trump silenced many doubters and outperformed expectations in his 2026 State of the Union address by proving that he can, in fact, read.

You complain when the FBI Director does ethnic cleansing. You complain when the FBI director protects pedophiles. You complain when the FBI goes to parties and sporting events on his taxpayer funded private jet. The man just can't win with you, can he?

"Trump's Trade Policy is in disarray" is an evergreen tweet

Really interesting to know that Trudeau still lives rent free in the White House. Is there room for Katy Perry too?

It's a very moderate request: just return ICE to its state circa 1996.

Has anyone yet realized that this will be Canada's last chance before ice hockey is cancelled in their country like the President promised?

Tired: cutting SNAP to fund foreign wars Wired: cutting SNAP to fund parity in big league baseball

Pretty sure you could found a company with no product or business plan called "The Love of Money Inc." and make $50 million.

Thinking about how much of American life is people openly admitting to just being evil.

It’s pretty clear by now that most of the US executive branch *is* the Epstein List.

Is the story that the craven fools on the Supreme Court realized that trump is weak and decided to stop protecting him from his own mistakes?

If you're the President of the United States, it turns out that you can rape, murder and receive bribes all you like, but you absolutely may not impose taxes.

Trump proactively joined the war on cancer on the side of cancer.

Need every headline to read: "Pedophile President Illegally Bombs Iran"

They do not want AOC to win and see this as an opportunity to knife her

I think it's weird that the US only has two political parties and that the key difference between the two is whether they think sexual assault is good or not.

I don’t know who needs to hear Jesse Jackson leading the kids on Sesame Street in this beautiful call-and-response reminding them that every child is somebody, but here it is

So you're saying ICE is incompatible with the rule of law as practiced in this nation from the founding? Think I see a pretty easy solution here, champ.

In other words, nothing ICE is doing is constitutional and it wouldn't be allowed in a free society under thevrule of law.

As I understand it, the best case scenario for AI is that you'll create a new kind of person you can enslave.

Honestly, though, I suspect that Warren winning in 2016 get us all of the benefits and all of the billionaire backlash of the Biden presidency, just sooner. (And likely an even bigger backlash, since, well, misogyny.)

Lead was never a poison. Lead is a basic element of the universe. Lead protects us from evil radio waves. So the whole endangerment thing opens up an opportunity for people to consume clean, beautiful lead.

There's pretty compelling evidence to the contrary, Senator...

Markets: Ohhh this is bad, this is real real bad, oh no oh no ohnoohno... Trump: dont be a panican Markets: Phew! That's a relief. Everything is tickity boo!