[wha] grown ass man longs to be patted on the head like a dog

Got linked lrp in chat and my first thought was "oh weird we have those at work."

For those with a male perineum, there’s MOR, a device that can gently zap the area to either delay or intensify ejaculation.

Taint shocker (sex toy) vs nerve stimulator (anesthesia tool)

Coworker: i saw on ig that your cake frosting was purple! what flavor? Me: almond! I just put some purple food coloring because i thought it'd be cute. CW: haha I didn't want to be racist and assumed it was ube. Me: frosting can be many colors. CW: Frosting CAN be many colors. 😑

I do have to thank heated rivalry for turning my normie coworkers into lite fujos....

Okay, I will preface this with the GIGANTIC disclaimer that I promise I know how this looks, and I *swear* this is not personally motivated: If you have an old #LiveJournal account, and it has things you still care about in it, download it or import it to Dreamwidth SOON. Details:

Almost dropped my drink

Me, preplurbed: how are you reconciling conflicts between religions in your heads? Hivemind: we are still debating if enkidu was a top or bottom Me: well, gilgamesh was definitely a bottom. Half the hive: you need to get plurbed. We need you on our team.

an important part of helen/carol in my head is that carol is the most annoying person alive BUT helen loves to watch her like a bug. tapping on the glass of her enclosure and handing her a wretched piece of wycaro fandom discourse like 😀🫴🥦

Getting plurbed and finding out the hivemind are still having top/bottom yaoi discourse in their heads.

tanya getting plurbed because they promise to show her the three fics she never found

CAROL ONTD LURKER

Haunting to know the pluribus would know my AO3 search history.

Important Carol plurb talk.

carol sturka's public-facing heterosona

It was this guy btw. (We turned around and left.) youtu.be/2ZlXNFznSuk?...

sometimes i get an idea and have no choice but to follow it to its conclusion

Funfetti cake base: sallysbakingaddiction.com/easy-homemad... Cream cheese frosting: bakingmischief.com/small-batch-... I prefer almond to vanilla so I switched extracts. I found the cake a little eggy for some reason but I also didn't have sour cream and subbed in yogurt instead.

Fish drew my silly boy. :)

I know the efficient spycest shipping is classic!spy/rspy/bspy but Listen to me. Postcomic7!Spy/Comic!Spy/Pre-comic!Spy.

Prepping the curry and realizing I only have half the curry blocks I need...........

tas, returning to destiny after years of not playing: how do you get your light level up? me, knowing she has been playing story/pvp nonstop for the past 3 days: infusing? do you remembering infusing? tas: no, how do you do that? my gun light level is 10, how do i make it higher?

youtu.be/o4gNtaSj1zM?... I gotchu.

I pity the labubu ....

It's back, the little event where we challenge you to use the pet name "sweetheart" in fic and art! 💖 February 13-15 💖 all fandoms & original fiction too! 💖 no minimums or content restrictions 💖 optional bonus prompts event info & FAQs tinyurl.com/heysweetheart2

so a bit of an emergency, but i have $0 to my name right now and i could use some funds for groceries and necessities. so i'm opening #commissions (details in the image) and if you can please donate to www.paypal.com/paypalme/wil... if you'd like to support me in some way.

Stop father forgivenessslop, kill your dad.

"heterosexual mind cabin"

Every time I splurge a little on the organic heritage eggs with the bright orange hooks, Immortal Joe's "do not be addicted to water" speech plays in my head.

The site is back online, and I was on desktop to fill out the form. the starting date for data brokers to start deleting shit this is aug of this year. the process is easy, though trying to get your mobile ad id might be the biggest pain.

Audit nurse: hey, just caught a correction for your documentation. It says the dressing is on the left rectum. Me: that's right. That... That would be correct. Audit nurse: oh. So the patient has two- Me: yeah. Yeah, wasn't sure how to chart it..

The new crna told us "oh working here is so nice. I really love everyone. I don't go home crying in the parking lot anymore!" WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, SIR.

If you are a resident of California, the state now has a portal where you can demand deletion of your personal data from 500+ registered data brokers with a single request form, for free. consumer.drop.privacy.ca.gov

i dont know how to install sai brushes.

buckling down to show your stupid spy love bullet vision with the fucking tablet for the first time in years and wondering why it's hard.

Trying to do the end of the year fic meme and i wrote SO many tiny little drabbles im going insane compiling them like argh.. ough...

thinking about this post and yes to all that, along with "horrific act of romance" said with the same context. I can't even put this in the tags bc that'd be rude to op and possibly misunderstood I'm cutesy-fying their post but no. You're in love and that love is making you a corpse of who you were.

Gnawing on my own leg

Niece: Tanya, when I'm done eating lunch, can we play banana phone*? Me: eat your fruit and then we can play banana phone. 🫩✌️ *Throwing children aggressively on the couch and grabbing their feet, dialing numbers, putting their foot against my cheek, and screaming "HELLO?! HELLO?! ANYONE THERE?"

day one in mamdani’s new york

It rained last night so not many fireworks going on I slept through midnight and popped awake well rested HAPPY 2026. Bracing myself. I'm hors.

Last game of the year I beat. (Pwned a 3 year old and a 4 year old.)

People long for the hater's gambit.

What? No. You being a worm would fundamentally change the nature of our relationship. Quit asking foolish questions and eat your dirt, my love.

No I do not think I will be using your suggestions.

Fellas is it gay to smoke your secret lover's cigarette brand to breathe his air #tf2 #teamfortress2 #tf2fanart #sniperspy #bloodysuit

"but, you know, it doesn't matter" - coworker, in a tone that sounds like it actually does a lot to her

My fics showing up as a rec...... My heart could explode ... 🥺

on arc raider some dickhead was taking pot shots at me for like 10 minutes so i hid and waited for him and when he came around i jumped out and murked his ass. he got on the voice chat and called me a bitch. he was like 12 and absolutely screaming in his house. im 41. gaming is fucking back baby