About the algae in the Reflecting Pool, just hear me out…

“My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who said the strait was open last night. I guess it's pretty serious.” - Ferris Vance

Just a reminder that the US Woman’s team has won the World Cup four times already.

“He begged me to take a picture with him. He wanted a picture with me so badly. I wouldn't have taken it, but I felt sorry for him.” — Jeffrey Epstein

Happy Juneteenth

For those wondering when Taibbi is finally going to wonder out loud why white people can’t say the n-word, he is in the home stretch with the finish line in sight.

Your daily Axios:

Nancy Mace 🤝 Riley Gaines Trans obsessed conservative women who placed 5th

Let this be the last word on Spencer Pratt (via Defector):

lol

pour one out for the death of the dumbest take of the year until Politico reports: “Can the Democrats Derail the Rahm Emanuel 2028 Presidential Juggernaut?”

Have a pity for Matt Stoller, smeared as a sexist for expressing populist views, just for needing to specify things like "lady politics" and a "feminized lens"

According to the Scott Pelley interview with the NY Times, it appears that CBS News President Tom Cibrowski is taking his marching orders from editor in chief Bari Weiss. That will be his legacy: Bari’s bitch after 30 years in the business. How incredibly humiliating…

"My past has been weaponized against me by 'the man.' It was a dark period in my life. I self-medicated and my plan to start a race war is something I admit was misguided. Also that thing on my forehead is actually a Native American symbol in solidarity with my tribal bros. Vote Helter Skelter '26"

At this point if the body of Savannah Guthrie’s mom was dug up in Graham Platner’s yard he’d explain, “Look, I never said I was perfect. It was a really dark weekend and I’d been drinking. Also, Medicare for all, oligarchs, genocide.” His fans would say she was 84 so it was just a matter of time.

While Carhartt Jesus Graham Platner may have suffered some damage after the NYT abuse story, he's strengthened his standing with the all-important "Bros before hoes" demographic.

For those keeping score at home, the rich kid who joined the Marines, enjoyed killing, joined Blackwater, got a Nazi tattoo, has PTSD, became a drunk, claimed “Black people don’t tip,” blamed rape victims, and recently sent dick pics to women, was also an abusive boyfriend - but he‘s all better now

I think it is safe to say that Defector's Tom Ley is not a super big fan of Bari Weiss's bagel fetcher Nick Bilton:

First day on the job and you want respect? Go right up to the most recognizable and respected guy in the newsroom and have him yell at you until you cry. Then it's time to send him a weepy email telling him how disappointed you were that he did all that. Shouldn't have any trouble after that.

”I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... I'm smart and I want respect!" — Nick Bilton making his case to actual journalists….

There will be no email, meeting or proposal of Nick Bilton‘s that wont be leaked within minutes outside CBS from this day forward. He’s dead and he doesn’t even know it. What an incredible dipshit.

Nick Bilton is a whiny little bitch. #LittleBitchBilton

“That grandstanding thing is insane,” the source said. “This is not the way you conduct yourself.” All the NY Post “sources” are anonymous, but I have learned their names were Lari White, Gari Blanco, Rosemari Alabaster and Hari Sherwin-Williams SW7004 Snowbound, so this seems totally legit…

The going rate for covering up the fact that Trump was fucking teens with Epstein is apparently $10 million. The settlement fund/blanket IRS immunity is a gift with purchase.

It takes strength to look the person who could fire you in the eye and tell them that both they and their boss are giant pieces of trash. You usually don't win, but you definitely leave a mark, and you write your place in history. That's what Scott Pelley did today.

Bari Weiss, right after Nick Bilton gets kicked to the curb: “I don’t really know the guy. I think he used to deliver bagels or something.”

Nick Bilton before and after his first 60 Minutes all-staff meeting.

Scott Pelley fucked up Bari Weiss’s cabana boy, Nick Bilton, in front of everyone.

The New York Post described Graham Platner as “the randy oyster farmer” which should either be a pub in Widow’s Bay or the name of the next Decemberists album

My neighbor adopted Akilah from breeder friends who had always treated her very well, but she was mostly restricted to a kennel. Now she has a yard, is adored by everyone in the neighborhood and gets daily walks to the nearby beach. This week he took her to Hawaii.

I give it about 72 hours before one of the dozen women Graham Platner was “sexting” with a couple of years after he got married provides the Daily Mail, TMZ or the New York Post with dick pics…

Heckuva job, progressives. And this is just the start:

Fans of 60 Minutes should feel comforted that nitwit Bari Weiss has placed the show in the capable hands of Nick Bilton who wrote a column for the NY Times in 2015 that had, not one. but two editors notes appended that basically stated, “Yeah, this piece was pretty much bullshit. Whoopsie.”

Donald Trump pouring one out for the "legend" that was Harambe will do nothing to quell whispers that Erika Kirk had the revered western lowland gorilla assassinated in much the same manner as her less-revered husband Chuck. Please see Candace Owens for more on this.

A lasting memory of Bilton is his stolen-valor coverage of Theranos, months after the WSJ’s John Carreyrou broke the story

Bari Weiss's new "60 MInutes" cabana boy sounds like an absolute dickhead:

Ripley did a baseball game (Phillies in town) today. He got his own hot dog. Mission accomplished.

JFK completes mostly successful Dallas parade.

The God-Fearin’ folks of Kentucky ousted far-right Thomas Massie for the crime of trying to expose Trump as a pedophile. Unsurprising in a country where moviegoers have spent $285 million to watch a sanitized movie about another pedophile. We don’t care about kids. We care about being entertained.

It would be a shame if, after the workman put up whatever FIFA has planned for the wall, some local young hooligans paintballed the fuck out of it. #FuckFIFA

This. Is. Brutal. "The podcast is called Make It Make Sense, and it appears to have been born out of the following pitch: What if we put three losers in a room and recorded them complaining about things nobody else cares about?"

In case you ever wondered what a Peyronie’s disease support group looked like. Which you probably didn’t…

471 reposts and 1.4k likes for a story from a parody site. Jesus fucking Christ, people…

So Chelsea Handler told Tony Hinchcliffe, “Tony, you have the face of a school shooter and the personality of someone who gets shot first,” and his best reply was calling her a “cold frigid bitch.” That’s probably a pretty sick burn for the middle-school-mustache crowd who find him hilarious.

On Mother's Day, we also remember young Barron straddling his mom and saying, "Pout, baby, pout" before encouraging her to undo a few buttons and claiming it would be very "tasteful." This is totally normal, so shut up, you weirdos.

Happy Mother's Day to Ivana Trump -- mother of Don. Jr, Ivanka and Eric -- as she spends her day with golfers standing on her, wielding a 7- iron and punching it out, before wandering 15 feet away to take a leak in the sawgrass.

We got good news on Ripley today. What was thought to be the onset of diabetes turned out to be a nagging infection easily dealt with. However, he has decided he now gets to camp out whenever he thinks his walk is done and then waits for people to come and pet him

Kash Patel, but it’s a missing 5th of bourbon and not a quart of strawberries

Jesus Christ. Can we please stop with this shit? See also: Stephen A Smith, Rahm Emmanuel, Ro Khanna, Cory Booker and James Talarico. Just. Stop.

I’m not a conspiracy kook, but I think this so-called Jeffrey Epstein suicide note creates a whole bunch of new questions…