Rhythm Nation for people who clap on the 1 and the 3.

I think it’s sweet that Pete Hegseth was accompanied by his wife on “Bring Your Designated Driver To Work Day.” She looks thrilled.

Eat a bag of dicks, Todd.

White House access whore Dylan Byers was just on MS NOW whining that a DC bar was showing a Stanley Cup game and not coverage of his nerd prom being broken up. Because, Jesus knows, people in a bar on Saturday night are there to watch CNN. Fucking dork.

These. Things. Stick.

Let‘s give a big shout-out to all the Ivy League colleges that told Bari Weiss’s dumb tag-along sister, Suzy: “Have you considered a JuCo? We also hear good things about cosmetology school. I think we have some brochures. This one looks nice. See? Pretty!”

At the same time that the Trump thing was going on last night, I was immersed in this — about a sex worker set up to take the fall for killing a politician called “Meat Neck,” obviously based on you know who — and, quite frankly, its more plausible than last night’s CSI: WHCD

I’m going to guess Bari Weiss had a hand in getting this quickie 60 Minutes interview set up and she probably got a major lady boner watching Trump belittle Norah O’Donnell

Erika Kirk’s plans to get Trump out of the way so boyfriend and future husband JD becomes president means that Usha Vance’s tragic “somehow fell out of an airplane” death has been put on hold for the foreseeable future. Please hold all bets on Kalshi.

BlueSky commenters: Shitting on every brief flicker of joy since 2024.

Nothing makes an Upper East Side rich kid turned DC insider absolutely sopping wet with desire than a fellow rich kid who wears flannel, drives a truck and had an edgy but misunderstood tattoo. God, to be so free….

They think you're stupid.

Call me crazy, but I don’t think the Palantir Übermensch should look like the guy down the block who, when he is arrested with three human heads in his freezer sitting next to a box of Dove bars, neighbors go: “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

About to start a “strangers in a spooky mansion murder mystery” and a greater mystery has presented itself. Not a real follower of the authors (“Evelyn Clarke“ is a joint effort by VE Schwab & Cat Clarke) but I feel there is may be a Biggie/Tupac thing going on here with the promise of bloodshed.

Missouri's murder rate is 73% HIGHER than California’s. No amount of right-wing spinning can change reality: our state is investing in prevention, enforcement, and is holding criminals accountable. The U.S. Senator from Missouri should fix his own failed policies before lecturing us.

A sparrow managed to fly into the living room because the balcony doors were open and we are pretty sure Rosalita Esperanza Beyoncé killed it. Therefore, for the foreseeable future, she will be known as “Murdergirl.“ THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! TJB

Hard nope, nope. And... nope.

Glad the Bluesky outage is over so Blueskyers can get back to important Blueskying

This:

I’m waiting for a progressive to boast that Graham Platner has ”really evolved” because he hasn’t told any of Eric Swalwell’s victims that they shouldn’t have had that drink with him and maybe they should learn to “act like an adult for fuck’s sake.“

Gotta hurt for Riley Gaines to come in tied for fifth among people Trump likes…

When you think about it, the Pope “is“ weak on crime: he let JD Vance get away with murdering Pope Francis. I mean, granted, Pope Leo got a promotion out of the deal, plus the corner office and the better parking space, but still…

“When alerted to the American president’s comments, His Holiness Pope Leo XIV made what Vatican insiders described as a ‘jerk-off‘ motion, rolled his eyes, said ‘fuck that fucking guy,‘ laughed and walked away.”

“Lissen. Lissen. Lissen,” Rubio said to Trump after his fifth $18 UFC beer. “What if WE blockaded the Strait of Hormel, Hermanos, whatever? Right? Right? Right? Right? We should totally do that, they’ll never see it coming. ‘Boom! Blocked, bitch!‘ I’m gonna go get some nachos, want anything?”

Trump White House: “Looks like the Iran war finally made the Epstein files go awa—“ Melania breaks through wall like Kool Aid man: “This one time , at band camp, Jeff and Ghislaine and I…” Trump White House: “Fuck. Just... fuck.”

Trump‘s last minute decision to not end civilization in Iran, precipitating a Middle East conflagration that would lead to World War III and possible extinction of life as we know it, places a tremendous amount of pressure on the Red Sox to actually have to win tonight.

One of the funniest Cartoons I've seen in a while. Lol 🤣 Enjoy

Hegseth and Trump describing recovering the downed pilot like a middle-aged man describing loading the dish washer and starting it for the first time.

CBS’s excuse for why it killed the investigation into CECOT was that it wasn’t original and news-distinctive enough.

I guess Bondi will have more time for chatting online with Byron Noem…

The country's largest network of crisis pregnancy centers has publicly aligned itself with 'abolitionists'—the movement that wants abortion patients to get the death penalty jessica.substack.com/p/the-most-d...

Spoiler: It’s all a ruse and, in the end, having gained the confidence of the pope, JD kills him. Just saved you $35. You can thank me later…

This is how Rahm eats his eggs. Sunnyside up, the yolks stare back at him in defeat as he stabs the slimy film, blinding them with his steely fork. The contents spill out like the entrails of his dead enemies,which he sops up with unbuttered bread. In the distance a mother cries, ”Cluck, cluck,”

Tiger Woods has never been a decent person; he wasn’t raised to be one and he never had to try to become one, in large part due to dick-riding sportswriters who knew a meal ticket when they saw one. Below is the only piece that cuts through all the hero worship crap: www.gq.com/story/tiger-...

This is such a satisfying lede. I love this for her. www.chronicle.com/article/elis...

So Maine Democrats are leaning towards the “bros before hoes“ rich kid who dabbled in recreational Nazism. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Aaron Judge and Paul Skenes are, statistically, the two worst players in major league baseball in 2026.

Disney will end up making this into a movie with real dogs, except the corgi will be played by Timothée Chalamet who will then fuck everything up on the press tour when he blurts, “You know who really sucks? Dolly Parton. She’s the worst.”

Happy National Puppy Day for all who celebrate.

Pretty sure ICE agents would prefer driving around in SUVs, and gang tackling 90-lb ladies selling tamales, instead of standing stationary in airports where everyone else’s default setting is already thinly veiled irritation and, “Hey, look at that dickless Nazi dipshit wearing camo by the Sbarro”

Five-time draft dodger says what now?

It’s all fun and games until an ICE agent with an 8th grade education and three domestic violence arrests pistol whips a grandmother because she was too slow to take her Velcro shoes off…

If you first response to hearing Robert Mueller passed away was to sneer at him, you’re pretty much as big of a dick as Trump. But congrats, your smug cynicism is soooo cool…

If you watch this with the sound off, it’s easy to imagine concerned mom of two* Katie explaining to the Chigger Falls Middle School PTA in Alabama that kids can “catch the trans“ from a toilet seat. *Bennett and Ridgeway. Seriously. I am not kidding.

I, for one, am surprised Mark Zuckerberg’s “Magical World of the Unblinking Dead Victorian Child Who Will Watch You While You Sleep” did not take off with the youngs. The $80 billion he spent would have bought a lot of old vans with “free pupies inside, come luk” spray-painted on the side.

The Hill: "ribs" To be followed with: "Trump teases German chancellor about 'all that Jew killing'"

St. Patrick's Day marks the 27th anniversary of the passing of Cooder (who was a very good boy), the first of my seven bassets which one day led to this:

Basset news. 2 weeks ago Rosalita Esperanza Beyoncé was diagnosed with Cushings due to a mass on one of her adrenal glands that, unfortunately, is inoperable. At the time of discovery her blood pressure was about 279/171 which should be closer to 120/80, so it is a miracle she didn’t explode.

It’s not like guy who defended Harvey Weinstein and Theranos would steer you wrong...