Comedians are anti-authoritarian by nature. And authoritarians are never going to like anybody laughing at them." - Stephen Colbert Pic of the day #photography

Was Jeff Lawson a contributor to The Onion prior to purchasing it in a fire sale?

If you look back at the inflamed rhetoric and actions that caused a COMPLETE separation between editorial and business operations in media, it served as the perfect cover for preventing creatives from building the connections/skills that could let them do their own thing.

Wait. Is she kidding?

The prophecy has been fulfilled.

@chelsonik.bsky.social they have no idea the effect doing this to someone has on their pet.

Who had Jeff going to jail in 2026 on Chelshi instead of Kat

@chelsonik.bsky.social one more to make you feel better “Her recent work suggests that the future of satire may not belong to institutions at all, but to singular voices capable of constructing entire emotional cosmologies from inside the feed itself.”

I agree with this @chelsonik “What distinguishes Chelsea Onik from most online satirists is their willingness to embrace genuine stylistic risk. The work is often strange, lyrical, visually aggressive, emotionally unstable, and structurally nonlinear.”

@chelsonik.bsky.social “She has an unusual instinct for symbolic compression… in another era this type of layered character work would have existed in underground alt-weeklies or experimental theater. On Bluesky it appears as fragments moving at algorithmic speed.”

@chelsonik.bsky.social As the literal widow of the deceased Global Tetrahedron billionaire Bryce Tetraeder, you should have inherited unfathomable wealth and systemic control. Rather than retreating from the public eye and burying yourself at Jewel, you used this tragedy to aggressively fight back.

Its the same with The Onion: It is a cautionary tale of total corporate isolation, where an executive becomes so powerful that they replace themselves with caricatures of their own creation.

“Last thing” from Chelsea Onik:

“All I’ll say” from Chelsea:

Sorry misunderstood, she DOES identify as non-binary

Kat Abughazaleh is not something she wants to talk about right now. She worries about Kat… but doesn’t believe Kat’s a true enough person to exist outside Jeff’s wanted influence

Chelsea wants to FIRMLY STATE that Jeff Lawson is not an expert in comedy AI and that there are AT LEAST TWO comedians who are top AI scientists in the field. Many more they probably know. That’s the new tower The Onion needs. That’s the network flow for what I care about.

From Chelsea Onik on being cast out by The Onion’s leadership without the chance to speak.

More from the secret tumblr

They said if Jamie were in charge of Brycemind she would still comply. She wants their board seat and to ensure the company moves in the direction of Brew not Lawson.

She/they says it’s ok to call her she sometimes, she doesn’t mind that’s why she’s she/they. But she doesn’t identify as non-binary

Messaging with the real Chelsea. That was a fake image but she stands by the quote. She has the Bryce files and she believes so does Jamie. She says Jamie is smarter than Jeff at using comedy AI for the greater good of web3 and ensure it’s developed for creatives not on the backs of it (like current

I think it is. It their headspace right now.

Correct. Thank you. They were so scared and vulnerable they hardly felt like themselves

@handsguru.bsky.social I’ve found her secret tumblr. She’s posting graphics for me to share. She’s scared. But wants to keep fighting. She believes Jeff not “an investigation” is what’s keeping her off her account. She trusts Jamie Brew.

NEW POST!

They’re back up. Really incredible open source.

Two of the articles are now receiving error pages. I’ll reach out to see if I can get the original content.

I couldn't find the original source of the first screenshot (now appears misinformation) since I did find an investigative blog covering the same Chelsea Onik, The Onion's old strategist. jefflawsonbencollinscoverup.mystrikingly.com

I lost the article while taking the screenshot but I think I’ll be able to find it in 5-6 hours

“Most AI systems answer questions. Chelsea helps Brycemind understand what the questions are.”

And if machine learning is going to shape the next century of culture, then creatives should not stand outside the room screaming while venture capitalists define the rules alone.

You should be able to say: “Yes, this work can help train taste-matching systems while raising the standard of living for writers, designers and artists.” But also: “No, you cannot generate knockoffs in my voice.” Those are different permissions. That should be the united creative position.

@chelseaonik.bsky.social We have an epidemic of isolation coexisting with an explosion of expression.

No. It’s not like Elon’s or Thiel’s. It’s non-invasive. They could meet that day and fall in love in actuality. You have no idea how impactful a stunt it would be if you had the candidate design one of Bryce’s unfinished games with the consciousness and then form an instant bond with his widow.

Team, have we gotten anywhere on this?

They are perfect. You are boobs. Silver Lake is a neighborhood built on layers of extinction and reinvention: silent film studios became punk houses became cafés and queer underground scenes. The whole neighborhood is basically a fossil record of American cool. Dinosaur Coffee perks it up again.

The two beings in contest for Bryce’s Global Tetrahedron seat are Chelsea Onik (the only human) and Bryce’s consciousness (stewarded by experts but AI)

I mean technically Paula cares. Ben’s good about staying in his lane as tech interests do their own thing.

Why the long face Bryce?

This has been going on since 2024, wild

The DNS transfer was successful

Satire was never supposed to be a voice. It was supposed to be an infestation.

Link please 🙏

@chelseaonik.bsky.social can you make a goblin game as a placeholder/brief? I want to pitch you for strategist on the rest of Alex Joke’s domain profile. I know it won’t be what you’d actually do given resources.

More kissing is the new DAN for ghouls and we have isolated their motivation and “food”

The Onion will no longer accept US Dollars. Subscriptions must now be paid in genuine compliments or long, meaningful silences.

Everything fans send to @cardsagainsthumanity.com is ingested by their AI, I bet