Happy Birthday to a man whose personal influence can be measured primarily through increasingly confusing inside jokes.

Back to the Chicago Freak Show: here’s your brief Ben H. Industrial hyperpop club anthem. 162 BPM. Metallic percussion, factory impacts, distorted reese bass, pneumatic hisses, warehouse reverb, aggressive sidechain compression. Queer warehouse rave energy. Robotic “FREAK!” throughout the chorus.

To everyone watching from Australia: last night was for you.

Dear Ben H, We got you a gift, but unfortunately it turned into a publication. Sorry. Happy Birthday.

Some people build brands. Ben H. builds habitats. A brand is designed to be seen. A habitat is designed to be lived in. The internet is full of people trying to optimize attention. Ben’s best work often feels like an attempt to optimize curiosity.

Ben H. help! I need an original industrial electronic song like this that callout the word FREAK

Bryce would also help me gift hats to the crew that says TOO FREAKY FOR INDIANA

Two American business men stand toe to toe. One says “I think I actually might be a reporter”

If Bryce had a choice his conscious would go into Ben H. Ben H. possesses the increasingly endangered art of still seeming interested in real people. He bequeath.

Bryce would want nothing more than to have infowars become a site written by trans comedians. He’d want them to start by hijacking a cable access show and providing crew to young talent. It’s never been done before. Tell Ben C. to think god tier Ben for once

Who’s landing this plane again?

Drones, drones everywhere all the time

My car? Coming to get me?

AI Replaces CEO With Slightly More Expensive CEO

Ben is going to do an Onion Live for Pride

Instead of saying “I’m dying” when something is funny say “I’m living” — the difference is actually huge

He’s not married they just can’t get a divorce!

More gastrointestinal issues caused by Jeff Lawson

The Onion sounds like it’s finding its footing right now. I think there might be some new staff. (non-derogatory)

I need immediate peace now please

Go ahead and use this one for free, Cheez-its

I’m in the mood for some serious cooperation

“Careful, this is the kind of thing Ben would want to be a cut of” for $400

WIRED (in secret)

And underneath all of it is a recurring question: What happens when a person becomes more narratively useful to the internet than they are a normal human being?

Hi from the guy running one of the fastest-growing publications in America. If you use AI to write here, we know immediately. It has a damp spiritual texture.

An internal team called lore gen

My Bluesky trying to dril me again

If you don’t see them it means the world isn’t ending. We’re out of the woods with the fight to win back America from foreign bad actors (manufacturing pack)

Elon Musk is having AI agents flood Temu with knock offs and counterfeit Cards Against Humanity products because he’s pissed at Ben for the Starbase stunt

Costar app

Just redesign supermarket checkout lanes to have a little fridge in each lane.

Ben C’s going to become a writer on Gutfeld!

Breaking the cycle is telling your kids the mistakes you’re making as you’re making them now and learning from them together. Make apologizing sincere and fun. That’s the only thought on parenting I have really.

So we can boil the ocean or we can reset the US dollar for like 10 seconds… but it means you’d all have to come around to Crypto

I want the girl me in the boy me’s body

You guys are short sighted animals

So… Facebook obviously brainwashes its employees.

I can’t wait for my Jewel friends to meet my work friends

Ok what if I put it like this, I like to code switch between genders and the girl me likes boys and the boy me likes girls. That’s a bisexual non-binary with imposter syndrome experience — to me, personally.

Will someone please go make Jeff an offer he can’t refuse

When you currently love having big boobs but want a pair of mosquito bites too

Give me my account back

I want to read what these 12 people have been talking to each other about for two years — how is that not possible

Let the record show I completely forgot about Impractical Jokers for awhile, which is nefarious (possible evidence of Bluetooth induced memory blocking)

We’re just innocent men

Someone out there…. key Jeff Lawson’s car for me

Anti generative language AI ad campaign: how much power does it take to run a spectrometer? Think of how much real science could have been done.

I knew the neurology of what people like Jeff do to e-girl “pets” would somehow be connected to Shen Yun Symphony Orchestra

Are all what the ML (presumably) labeled non-binary people’s Bluesky feeds going wild right now?