Because I am not good at taking a night off and I am going to GLASGOW for Breaking the News - on Wednesday night I am doing a free gig with @typewronger.bsky.social - spread the word - last Scottish gig of 2025

Sorry but the fact that the RTE player subtitles just say "speaks Irish" instead of showing the actual Irish words really says it all, doesn't it... #aras25

Me " The Certificate on this PAT course only has my surname. Please fix that incase my elderly ex midwife mother gets confused cause to her a PAT test is smacking a new born's arse" * Far greater laughing that quip deserved followed by " my elderly mum is an ex midwife, nuf said "

I have two fun Edinburgh shows coming up - and look, this one is free - tell your pals please

The idea that education is the same thing as job-training and no more than that is so disheartening. Getting a job isn’t the goal. Human flourishing is the goal. Getting a job might be a step to flourishing, (or not) but to think “job” is the top of the mountain rather than base camp is so sad.

@caimhmc.bsky.social I have a Helmsman Instructor Course to finish next week .I promised myself to wait til I completed it , then demolish the audio version of Ring the bells . I held out till 4:30am , enough said .

@robinince.bsky.social I cannot rightly express how gutted I am to miss the Linlithgow gig ( not least as it's 2 years since we last chatted and I have a poetry book for you ) I hold onto the hope a Falkirk Library gig is in the offing . Keep well, Dan

Curiosity drove me recently to check out the old homestead , site of the oldsman's dream . Damp and frankly unfit for habitation. A place of misery , violence and resentment. A Celtic Ozimandias tale

@thenickrevell.bsky.social Hi Nick was thinking of you today . Dan

Today my day was far less about lock keeping and so much more " yes tree in the canal between locks 19 + 20 ...No cannot get a boat through the gap ! " " Oh how was it at my mooring ? Well the boat thought it was in an episode of The Onedine Line !!"

On today's new Little Atoms podcast, @olibasciano.bsky.social on his new book Outcast. Out now from @faberbooks.bsky.social. Listen to it wherever you get your podcasts or here: shows.acast.com/b5fe8d16-751...

Outcast: A History of Leprosy, Humanity and the Modern World is published today. It tells the 4000 year history of the disease and its stigma, and the remarkable lives of those affected past and present. I am very proud of it, and beyond thankful to those who told their story.

@olibasciano.bsky.social Given my fascination with the sociology and medical aspects of leprosy I was delighted to listen to you on the little atoms podcast . By strange coincidence one of the Canadian tourists I met today worked in public health we spoke about Canada's last colony .

@maxrushden.bsky.social I wish to point out your racing correspondent took exception to the safety car being liked to a dad one , however this week I was on a bus that not only burnt the Aston Martin off the line at lights but forced him to concede the lane

Weeks ago we cremated my " kid brother " not blood but life " I watched his youngest daughter ( just 13) thought about the men who were at her christening and out of 4 I'm the only one alive despite being far older than the other 3 . I cannot wipe Tommy's last WhatsApp message .

Whilst prepping a lock and waiting for the narrow boat a gent appeared sat down beside the gates took out a pipe and commenced recording himself . Turned out he has a channel where he pipe smokes and discusses pipe paraphernalia. His dad had been a professional magician .

@mirandakeeling.com Minutes later about 35 women were passing a feather around and stroking the statues. The cleaner who had witnessed my' blather' scolded me . I replied the world is better for folk believing in magic and possibilities.

@mirandakeeling.com just as COVID restrictions started to lift a coach load of older Italian ladies pulled into the Kelpies. I convinced the tour guide there was a tradition of stroking the statues with local swan feathers .

😂

Wow , just wow

@jobymageean.bsky.social hi I suspect that was you trundelling luggage past me in the Toon last night . Sorry for not being more on the ball . Dan

Travelling by train ,heading for Newcastle for the worst of reasons ,viewing the Northumberland coast I can never tire of it's beauty.

@drkatiecoops.bsky.social Even though I'm travelling down to Newcastle for the worst of reasons . The view of the Northumberland coast from the train window brings a momentary smile and I will raise a cuppa in salute to you as I pass.

@littleatoms.bsky.social last week speaking with boaters re the Museum in Bergen . Then ,as I wait for the next boat I spot the Outcast podcast and this old podiatrist whose fascination with both the medical and social implications of leprosy is far too well known among his mates .. enthralled

I can vouch for that

Last two chances to get onboard the Tiff train Only 30 tickets left for tomorrow 2.50pm www.edfringe.com/tickets/what...

My Edinburgh Fringe shows are coming to #GLASGOW and #NEWCASTLE this September Robinince.com @standcomedyclub.bsky.social

Why is it so difficult to update social media. It isn't like I've not got stuff to tell you - terrible lizards is out on the 27th, I've a new set of books out on the 28th and I'm working on a BRAND NEW podcast... but somehow it feels awful to tell you about it.

A @mirandakeeling.com moment Lock keeper having put a couple ( 60s Americans ) " it's great to see a married couple flirt " she laughs "37 years married" LK where did you meet ? . " School ,he was dating my best friend" " is she still friendly?" Well we still see her and she attended our wedding

My September dates are now up here Robinince.com Glasgow, Newcastle,Budleigh Salterton, Burnham on Sea and many more

@vickyyyf.bsky.social I hope you don't mind me asking .Do you still get taken back as to how suddenly your surviver guilt can overwhelm . Sat 6:30am Tommy died pancreatic leaving school kids and I'm spinning

LOOKING FOR SCIENCE PERFORMERS OCT 8TH LONDON. Fancy trying your hand at being funny at @scienceshowoff.bsky.social ? If you've not performed with us before pitch me your set of under ten minutes. Pays an equal split of the door money.

@melindasalisbury.com re Goat Ledge , many many years ago I had a pet kid goat without thinking it through I taught it to balance on my shoulder. Great stunt however I didn't factor in how quickly it would grow or how hard it is to unteach a growing goat .

" Oh living on a boat must be so much fun " Weather warning " up to 90 mph winds expected " So just in case , love you all guys ! Dan x

@caimhmc.bsky.social as I sit on the Scottish canal awaiting moby dick like weather into my feed you drop a respite in the worry . As I missed out last time will do damnedest for this Glasgow bookshop gig . Thanks Dan

So not sure what this says about my colleagues or me . One brought a scrap piece of a bugle for me " as fairy sure you can use it in your boat furniture design" My 1st idea lands 20 seconds later.

Ah , another milestone. After the funeral the son " Dad would have wanted you to have these " You open your palm to hearing aid batteries ( and they are greatly recieved )

Tesco checkout Customer to 60ish female server " I see you have A walk in the park, tattooed on your arm , mat I ask why ?" " My husband used that phase as his defiance during his chemo , now clear we have matching tattoos, thanks for asking " Smiling customer " How wonderful "

So I mention yesterday ,I have , after the right boot fell in the canal , a left boot free to a good home . Today I'm messaged by a one legged boater . So want not waste not .

Today's lesson , steel toe caped wellington boots falling off a boat roof will sink quicker than you think . On a separate note anyone want to buy a left men's size 12 wellington?

Fans of @thebugle.bsky.social and myself and @alicefraser.bsky.social may be interested to know we will be doing NOT one but TWO whole previews together next week 😻😻 Monday at Camden Comedy Club tr.ee/2se-O5sygL & Sunday at Old Town Hall Hemel Hempstead oldtownhall.co.uk/events/tiff-...

So as it turns out a hive of wasps burrowing into a lock gate and being very territorial ,brings a whole new level of risk to a lock keeper's day . My collection of stings today , brought me to second place in the league table .

My afternoon show at Edinburgh Fringe is about science, curiosity and letting our minds thrive www.edfringe.com/tickets/what...

Nearest I have to a kid brother. Consultant has said it's inoperable, tomorrow we find out if Chemo/Radiotherapy offer any hope. The youngest has only turned 13 and my head is spinning .

@threebeansaladpod.bsky.social Having never seen Top Gun , spent 90 minutes ( along with a Scottish Canal staff member) trapping a gull with a broken wing whilst being watched by hoades of tourists at The Kelpies like a reverse Hitchcock's The Birds and being an podiatrist archer I claim my prize.

This Saturday 12th July I'll be marching across London with the London #IC to raise money for @FinleysTouch We will be taking in some of the city's #WW2 sites. Join us if you like! And please donate if you can – link below 👇 www.justgiving.com/page/sunraym...

😁

Life comes with strange moments . Yesterday I discovered I squeek with delight when discovering price reduced tofu in an Asda .

When you live on a narrow boat there's something about the advert advising you that , "lonely housewives live next door ", that rings as untrue .