HAPPY FORTIETH BIRTHDAY LINDSAY LOHAN

love that I am being represented in this game

No one massacres a Spanish surname like a British soccer announcer

Love Island son or World Cup daughter

Dedicating my life to unseating Flynn 🙏

the Backrooms here must go crazy

On a gay group text of 14 people all flying from Boston to Chicago today for a 30th birthday (already cursed) and 11 people had their flight cancelled and 3 are still vibing on the tarmac

KOWLOON TIKI IS OPEN

LOVED Backrooms

Just scheduled a dental cleaning for the morning of my 40th birthday 🎂 🦷🪥🎉

@ptklein.com was at Dunkin’ Stadium for the Hartford Yard Goats game in spirit today

Gunna start a new gay-style MAHA movement where a pillar stance is banning antidepressants, but my solution is playing Kill The Lights by Tony Award-winning Lynn, Massachusetts native Alex Newell on repeat at a volume dangerous to human organs.

You all will be changing your tune about Instants when you break your thumb tapping through the debut of my full length silent stop motion film!! It will be about a baby dinosaur

I am against data centers in our communities. What if data leaks into our water supply?

oomfchella meetup today at 7:30 at Do-Lab to catch the set from DJ Iranian AI Lego Propaganda Videos! meet at the leftmost rainbow mushroom

I’m at Coachella, or as us Italian Americans pronounce it, Coachella.

At Coachella for the first time and the FIRST set is Slayyyyter at 3 pm. How am I going to survive this weekend

Mitochondriana Grande is the powerhouse vocalist of the cell

Look how large this carry on is. It is greedy big. He had to put it SIDEWAYS in the overhead, and then that made someone else have to gate check their bag. Revoke his voting privileges.

Spending all my upgrade miles on small doritos

Look at this gorgeous portrait I took of my mother yesterday

You might think your close friends posts are good, but one gay I have never met posts *specific financial details about famous people.* Your brain is too small to understand the true potential of the medium!

Fetch the bolt cutters, deadass

If you have closed captioning on, it tells you which people in the in memoriam deserved it.

he will die in prison

19 years ago I became fluent in 11 languages.

I am personal friends with Jade. Tell everyone that I am personal friends with Jade. We text and send each other memes.

@popcrave.com today is the 8th anniversary of Fergie’s National Anthem performance at the NBA All-Star Game and you haven’t skeeted about it yet

When Jade sings Frozen tomorrow, it will mark the end of winter in Boston.

I got a Valentine’s Day reservation for PAMMY’S for me and my boyfriend and if you are familiar you are very impressed

Happy Valentine’s Day from my fly swatter

You would have to spell it Lady Gaguita, with the U. “Gagita” would be pronounced gah HEE ta. Let’s not gif this up this time.

I hope Cecily Strong is in a commercial tonight!!

If you are 35 years old or older, every single player on the field today is younger than you.

Charlie Puth singing the anthem at the Super Bowl? Mama THAT’S gay rights!

Addison Rae has long thick legs a tarantula

absolutely not

Bebe Rexha is AI but wet Zara Larsson is AI but dry

happy new year’s steve

DM if you want the whole thing

I hope the Tulkun people have a nice Christmas

🚨🚨🚨CELERIAC HIVVVVVE🚨🚨🚨

today’s affirmation: I am within the acceptable range of deviation. I am a perfectly roasted quail. if I was a car the mechanics would find nothing weird or rodent related in my air filter. I am upright. There are no stones or excess debris in my shoes. I still have all my bones.

Doing Christmas cards this year, and really surprising myself with the number of people I need to text “what is your husband’s name”

Made Jane Krakowski laugh hard at the stage door last night. What the fuck have YOU done with your life?

I cannot emphasize enough that I signed a lease today for an apartment above a wig shop

I just keep reading this. It’s perfect. The speaker. The quote. The choice to use the verb “confessed.” The deeply suspicious em-dashes.

sweet dreams my loves

Anyway I did get raptured but I’m back because YouTube Premium doesn’t work up there