there was a grownup carrot in my baby carrots

Today was the first day in a while that driving to work didn't feel like competing in a bobsled tournament

I have been officially deemed a "regular" at the trader joes

47 years ago today!

Normally when you google the names of characters before you finish watching the show you get spoiled that they died or something, but with mad men it's always like "They joined the Symbionese Liberation Army"

i gotta stop acquiescing when they try to schedule me for a dentist appointment at 7:30 am

To anyone driving behind me when theres snow on the roads who thinks i'm not going fast enough, please consider that I am very scared

peepaw

They're saying eating hot soup for breakfast on a cold winter morning could be the next big thing

The entrance to the parking lot at the rink was covered in a solid sheet of ice* so that when i tried to leave my car couldn't get any traction and was stuck until this nice lady got some hockey players to help push it 😭😭 *theyre only supposed to have a solid sheet of ice INside the rink, nyeheheh!

it's funny to see the wildly unpopular trump and his goons rip the wiring out of institution after institution without a care in the world and have NYT guys and congresspeople being like whoa dudes let's not get too crazy with the abolish ice talk

"huh, everyone's talking about dilbert today" -me

You do tend to understand why the aliens felt comfortable establishing first contact while he was President

This is such an underrated gag

One thing Ross’s angle of the shooting reveals is that he had pretty decent evidence that the person he was about to shoot is a Lesbian and I don’t think it’s unwarranted to venture that this influenced his eagerness to kill her

ICE killed a Black man, Keith Porter, 7 days before Renee Good, and I hadn't heard about it until today. His vigils went unnoticed. His life came and gone and America forgot to blink. Two Americas.

Happy 113th Birthday to Richard Nixon!

Happy 113th, Mr. President!

if i hadn't spent all my christmas money already i could have bought a working sony tc-800b reel-to-reel tape recorder

I just got a 3ds cartridge in the mail, set it down somewhere in my room, and it immediately vanished and i can't find it

When American libs call Maduro a “brutal dictator” what they mean is he won’t hand his country’s resources over to US corporations.

I don't want fucking "let us come together" I want "there will be consequences." I want these freaks to suffer real, meaningful, PAINFUL fucking consequences for all the harm they have caused ( and will continue to cause) both at home and abroad. I want fucking gulags for the chuds. I am NOT joking.

I just bought these shoes because someone was finally selling them for less than a zillion dollars!!!

I need to watch the winter olympics from 1924 through 2022 in order to catch up before the 2026 winter olympics start

It's a good idea to get your hair cut very short at the beginning of winter, so that not only do you have to wear a hat to keep your head warm every time you leave the house, but when you take the hat off your hair sticks straight up from your head

They're making cars too curvy now. Everything looks like a dang oval. Do not explain the reasons to me please. I need cars to look like this

When you make your mom go to a movie with you and she doesn't remember what it's called so she's like Two tickets for Walter Supreme please 😊

if you have short hair in the winter it's important to have a kigu to wear around the house so you can use the hood to keep your head warm. Unless you have a stocking cap

It's a sad story, Henry. They all made fun of his nose. Wouldn't even let the poor bastard join in any reindeer games

Lady at the car dealership was like "if you download the app you can lock and unlock and start and stop the car with your phone" Well I will not do that as it is surely some type of witchcraft

The Dark is rising

Checkers has her own Christmas stocking

eggs are kind of nature's perfect food it's a shame i don't like them

Why in God's name did i sign up for multiple closing shifts during the darkest days of winter

well well well if it isn't 46 degrees and raining

Why are they so desperate to convince me that it's actually healthy to eat sticks of cheese wrapped in meat

Toffee is a delightful treat

Budtender called me "friend" like 5 different times

this is the first caricature of nixon ever published, which appeared in his college's newspaper. isn't that fun

Fat squirrels at the library bird feeder

There's several ways to convince people

shoutout to this guy

well that's no good

a fish-free oboe check

le bear polar

oh to work at mjn air and get bossed around by carolyn knapp-shappey