Can’t put the tree up without hanging my K-9

You will be visited by three spirits.

This is me and it sucked.

The tiger He destroyed his cage yes YES The tiger is out

I don’t want the FIFA peace prize but I do want an honorary doctorate in English literature from the commissioner of baseball.

look at the crap these people have to defend. my god

I’ve named my fists Richard and Nixon because they’re resigned to kick your ass

If I had an arm for every time I saw posts like that, I’d have one more arm than Nelson had at the Battle of Copenhagen.

God help me but I can not resist replying to AI slop Facebook history crap implying Horatio Nelson had a fully functioning right arm at the Battle of Copenhagen

Four hours into an emergency after hours call and I wasn’t needed at all.

Caribou Coffee's Reindeer Blend sucks this year.

The official Pictures of Nixon Spaniel for your viewing enjoyment.

Always remember: others may hate you. But those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself, Charlie Brown.

The vinyl reissue of Meat Puppets’ ‘Too High to Die’ sounds fantastic. I can’t recommend it enough.