Weirdly my grandma's Catholic church put on Jesus Christ Superstar every Good Friday, the one church day I actually liked

The Bob's Burgers episode I really want to see is Bob (alternately, everyone) finally getting sick of Linda's sister's shit and calling her out and her whole world shattering as she is forced to see what an awful, delusional person she is.

Even Trump Unsure How Rambling Speech On Iran Veered Off Into Ranking The ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean’ Films https://theonion.com/even-trump-unsure-how-rambling-speech-on-iran-veered-off-into-ranking-the-pirates-of-the-caribbean-films/

Is one of those bad people who are nice to you named Jeffrey

🎶on the day it finally happens🎶

yeah we know

"A cheap suit and a pair of Florsheims?"

I tried to go for a walk but fuck that wind was biting. Come in and realized it's 36 and feels like 25. Blurg!

To get the subsidy for my marketplace health care, I need to apply for and be rejected by Medicare, which makes so much sense.

Why TF was there not a Bourne reboot called Bourne Again, please remedy this, thanks.

Wait, WHAT was going on with puppy killer's husband?!? What. The. Fuck.

Oh great, #brands have joeks ALL day today huh

Ugh, crampy mampe

I can't wait to start a conversion therapy clinic to make everyone bisexual 🩷💜💙

I don't know if my hair is actually thicker from the collagen and various hair potions and elixirs, but growing out the shaved part definitely helped.

God damnit, I'm going to have to buy trampons AGAIN

[jerkoff gesture visible from space]

Anyway I don't believe in god but I liked the multicultural tack ASC had, they talked about Jewish/other holidays too and community service instead of hate

After going to the Unitarian church in Harvard Square once and then going to ASC 2-3 times a year (tops), it was jarring the one time I went to United First Parish in Quincy (John Adams' church btw) and they actually had a Christian service and I was like WTF is this

If there was a Unitarian church that was as almost specifically non Christian as Arlington a Street Church around here, I might go to Easter services.

Ah, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Orange County, California, USA, North America, the Earth, the Solar System

Wearing my JP Morgan corporate challenge 5K shirt from 2016 and realizing that was TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO

Who is this about? (answer to come later)

🔥

Oh, raw dairy caused a multi state e coli outbreak who could have predicted this

I'm sorry but did deals in the D dot com just have "Dixie" playing in the background of their ad? Sir, this is the UNION.

Ok step one is to make them look less delicious

I miss my little peach chimken frens

My grandpa Joe had a pet duck as a kid. One day he came home and was like where's my duck. His mom had cooked it. Yeesh.

Possibly my only ever non blurry moon pic 🌙🌕

Out in a blizzard in 2018

Sometimes I forget that McNulty (his character name from a show I've never seen, lol) is British and then he shows up in something with his actual accent and it always throws me.

Tom would never make you soup

AI create me porn God damnit

Don't act like that's what this is

Red Line heading toward Boston Common is packed with sign-carrying anti-Trump protesters.

I'm sorry to anyone who follows me and my boyfriend, we are disgusting teenagers

END ICE ice sculpture being created on Boston Common for No Kings!

I haven't and won't but can I make AI porn if I don't distribute it?

Next line kinda stabs me in the guts

Why did music used to be SO LAME for awhile. A tisket a tasket what are we doing here.

🎵 WHEN ALL YOU NEEEEED IS A 🔪🎵

HEAR THEM OUT

It was super weird when The Prestige and The Illusionist came out in the same year

It's crazy that I've had my car for almost 9 years yo

The phrase on this packet of Taco Bell fire sauce taunts me

Okay tummy calmed down. Phew 😮‍💨

Ugh I think I have the dread vitamin sick

I still can't believe I basically taught myself to type by emailing and AIMing a ton as an angsty college student.

Nothing like an office worker bitching about lazy construction workers outside ... while on Facebook and Twitter on their phone and BSing with their coworkers on slack all day