We multitask in this home

ACAB

Hi, I am a normal civilian who hates Donald Trump and was hoping you could add me to the super secret signal chat so I can have my friends show up at your riot— I mean, protest. I won’t show up because I’m very shy but my friends, who are totally not federal agents, would love to show up. Thanks! 🙏

Making stew is the best time to learn that you likely need to buy a bigger pot

I support the chads over at r/massivecock

I think it’s a very good time to learn how to kick people in the chest, maybe the face if you’re flexible enough

As a practical matter there are probably few greater honors than being called a domestic terrorist by the infamous Nazi pedophile regime. Like, yeah, that’s right

Has anyone used Mint Mobile? I’m thinking about moving since T-Mobile has ICE contracts

I’ve found that many “don’t tread on me,” so-called “2nd amendment defenders” are very quick to lick the tread on the boots of government oppressors

A good top respects a safeword

I secretly still really love the color pink

Day one of snow storm: I am trapped. Don’t send help. I’m totally fine and toasty

Why, Mr. Mayor 😳😏

Currently thinking about horrific people being banished to cold places after being paraded through the streets while people throw rotten fruit, eggs and sharp rocks at them

Just read a horrific post about how the head of the NRA murders cats, so I needed a palette cleanser with John Wick and Owlkitty, and imagined… things happening… somewhere

When I think I’ve followed every amazing cat subreddit, another one appears from ether

HAPPENING NOW: A massive crowd is gathered in freezing temperatures outside ICE headquarters in DC to demand ICE OUT OF ALL COMMUNITIES NOW.

I am seeing more personal accounts about Pretti pointing to the fact that he was a good, kind man who touched lives, leading me to believe that if Jesus Christ was murdered by ICE, they would slam him for being a Palestinian Jewish socialist who was violently interfering with a “justifiable arrest”

Alex Pretti "used to tell people off when they made sexist comments to female physicians. He bought me coffee when I had a really bad day as an intern...I laughed alongside him daily. He made a point to teach medical residents without judgement, but with a smile on his face and a joke."

You know, we all can annoy the fuck out of one another sometimes on here, but we should all agree that ICE must be abolished

Murderers. All of them.

As someone whose great uncle was thrown in one of these in California and then transferred to another one in Utah, this is the correct definition

To all the homies who live in my phone,

There are few guarantees in life, but one thing I can guarantee is that I will laugh inappropriately at least once at a funeral

I wanna call someone a “beta cuck soy boy” in a professional setting just once

As a person who doesn’t have a penis, I think telling an AI fan to “suck my dick” is powerful because it requires them to agonize over making a phallus to my exact specifications, and before they fellate it, I stop them and say this was all to help them learn the value of honing a craft from scratch

waow waow waow waow waow waow waow waow

We are gonna get so fuckin cozy in this bitch (a gigantic, beautiful woman wraps herself around me like a big comforter while I begin sipping tea and playing Animal Crossing)

Well, it was the most comfortable way to fly

Minneapolitans (yes, that is what they are called. I had to look it up) are just built different

I’ll never forget when someone I pissed off on Twitter a while back thought my legal given name was actually Pine and then created some weird backstory of my parents being hippies. In retrospect, it was kind of a cool backstory that I wish was true

If we ever get out of this, I hope the lives of those responsible are ruined. I hope peace doesn’t come to people who supported or participated in this. I hope for no forgiveness for anyone who supported this. I hope for shame, loneliness and pain for them.

Absolute queen

Some say that accounts with classical statues as their pfp have the worst takes when I think that anyone with that Romantic painting of that one guy with a cane looking off on a mountain as their pfp has the worst takes as the posts often involve fucking your sibling and also make it racist somehow

Well now I know where I’m going to spend my money if I’m ever in Minnesota

It’s cringe when millennials call their cats their biological children except when I do it

Pictured: Me trying so hard not to throw up like a lawn sprinkler from dizziness because I suck at spinning pole. Respect to strippers who do this nightly

I’m NOT built like this btw

In honor of the fact that I just found out that James Acaster is performing in my city next week and the show is sold out, here is the best song ever to ease my broken heart

If I ever get a fatal illness I will do soooooooooooooo many drugs

Best subreddit hands down is that baldness one that encourages mostly men who are losing their hair to embrace their chrome domes

If ICE drags my Japanese parent out her home and forces me to come to her rescue after going no contact with her for a year because she’s a terrible person, I will run for Congress, win, obliterate ICE, and finally banish anyone previously associated with ICE to a lighthouse off of the Maine coast

Said the guy who doesn’t know how to use filters on a platform first adopted by sex workers

Don’t make me post a picture of myself to show you how much of a slutty baddie I am now. Don’t make me wield that power

You know whats cool? I have almost 7000 friends. That *almost* heals the trauma of high school

Don’t riff on my post without giving a like. That’s like entering my home and shitting on my rug without complimenting my rug first. Very rude because I have great taste in rugs to be shat upon

Does anyone dunk donuts in black coffee anymore? We used to be a real country

Finally watched the latest Knives Out and I’m sorry but when one of the characters called Kerry Washington “a hag,” my immersion was completely broken. Bad job, movie

had a dream that megyn kelly is a vampire that’s been alive for 900 years