when i look at the hugging emoji i imagine their legs too and theyre humping each other 🫂

just found out that david foster wallace was not a tboy :-(

(stunna boy voice) i got jalapeño on my dick i’m burning my dick right now

i wonder if calvin from the park tool videos has boy nipples

sighing and tearing off another “complimentary footjob” coupon from the perforated footjob coupon booklet to mail to the irate white woman who has been holding up the phone at the for-profit diy hrt service desk because we shipped her dog bone shaped prog suppositories instead of the cat paw ones

bald and/or gay men are my real-life lolcows

i don’t turn into a dog to cum, i turn into a dog so that i can pass off the liability to my ‘owner’ when i purposefully knock over an annoying, short bisexual man

i love the seattle marinara baseball team. of course the man who hits the ball good has a saucy ass. i want to ride a trollybus to the stadium and walk through light misty rain without a coat. i don’t care if we lose

grok, do a fourier analysis of that boob jiggle

i call it laying pipe because i will let women who are plumbers fuck me. maybe in their work vans next to the pex fittings and basin wrenches

if one of your roommates has trouble doing the dishes, maybe try telling her that the kitchen sink is like a bidet for her plates and bowls

they tortured a lot of people in the catholic inquisitions to figure out if they had butt sex but if you did that today they’d probably cum

they named the entire neighborhood ”edgewater” but i don’t think we should be encouraging that. someone might get a uti from the lake

“slow neck head all the way down” is nothing compared to rocking stim head when i rock slowly and also all the way down

there would be something poetic about my unreinforced masonry apartment collapsing in a massive earthquake and crushing me under the weight of all the bricks

the third inning kidney stone, the second inning anal fissure, and, of course, the ill-fated first inning fisting scene followed by a high-oxalate snack that started it all

i’d eat the fuck outta shrek’s ovegrown tboy pussy

soft rains wash dust off my feet, long ago, far past, now to june. mourn no tyrant sun, that regime of heat, but that collar tan, which really slay’d poon.

she calls you mommy (awooga), buuuut she’s a birdgirl and you’re about to eat dinner..

my bidet-having friends who still buy new tp, how do you sleep at night knowing you tolerate bidetphobia? you sit in silence as your houseguests wipe. shame.

of course we should destroy the usual things like cops and private property and suburbs and animal agriculture, but i also hope everyone knows that there will be no place for fake bisexuals

someone should produce a trans retelling of The Birds where the protagonist feeds her girlfriend squirty cherry tomatoes and nectarines as a clicker treat, thus accidentally and malevolently clicker training the fruit fly infestation endemic to their shared apartment

proofing two parallel loaves in wicker baskets, call that a frotform

oi bruv, don’t go neckin’ that paracetamol and oestradiol; you’re meant to hoof it off me bollocks like a cheeky line of beak innit

working on replicating that paper that says squirt is pee but we’re gonna use food coloring and asparagus instead of pelvic ultrasounds and liquid chromatography/tandem mass spec

if louise weard and associates keep up the good work then we can have the first trans anthology film long enough to die of dehydration in a single sitting

she lifts not for big arms or juicy thighs but for the hope of a massive hernia, which will accentuate her bulge

playing tf2 (transsexual footjob 2) and she wants me to play the spy (i have to sit in the chair and watch)

after the recent pregnancy scare they’re calling me ‘trans alec baldwin’ because i really thought i was shooting blanks..

terrible news: our dystopian future may not even be safe from the most vile gore imaginable of my real-life comfort character ryan gary letourneau 😕

yeah i think there are a couple of ladies who miiight regret repeatedly turning down my dinner date proposals right about now

what if idubbbz rebooted content cop as “cuntent cop” and he just transvestigates people

“baby” carrots are adult carrots chopped up and sanded down. we just roleplay and call them that. they’re age regressor carrots, really.

it makes me happy that our society’s power to reverse balding is nearly as feeble as our ability to make trans women cum bigger loads