One step forward, two steps back 😮‍💨

CW: pet loss This anniversary is hard. I miss my baby girl.

Relearning (or maybe just learning for the first time) how to be a person is challenging.

I needed this quote today from the amazing @sarahgailey.bsky.social: "Do what you can. Care for yourself and the people around you. Believe that the world can be better than it is now. Never give up."

It's been wild to wake up feeling rested and just filled with joy and creative inspiration. Things aren't perfect but we feel like we're not just getting ourself back but finding ourselves for the first time in a long time (if ever).

We've been able to feel joy and excitement and hope again for the first time in far too long. There's a lot that's still hard but our baseline is no longer pure numbness and depression.

The secret to good writing is being a freak, yes, but the secret to writing interesting and complex characters is being mentally ill.

Double fisting a cup of coffee and a cup of tea because we've been awake since 4:30 this morning. 🙃

Insurance denied our peer-to-peer review, so we could definitely use some extra help/support especially with a bunch of dental bills also coming up. When it rains, it pours.

Reintroduction to us. For now, we're trying on Onyx and seeing how that fits. Still any/all pronouns. Still also not around that often. Sending everyone love and well wishes as we navigate through this hellscape of existence right now. 🖤

Despite the crash out, there is something so validating about sharing the new name that you're wanting to try and every person saying, "Oh, I love that" and "That really suits you." Our current name has been feeling like an ill-fitting suit and it feels good to see what clothes fit better.

Nothing like being in the midst of a name change crash out and realizing that your entire brand is built around your name. 🙃

The mood for the last 24 hours or so. 😮‍💨

Follow up request for support - insurance just denied further treatment, which means we're responsible for covering costs from 4/2-4/13, which is the soonest we can be discharged somewhat safely. If you've can donate, it would be appreciated, as would signal boosts because this is a nightmare.

Being overstimulated by your own body being in pain just seems cruel and unusual. 🙃

Asking for support again because insurance is being challenging. 😮‍💨

Good news: we got some suspected diagnoses made official and also now have the ability to receive accommodations as a result of testing. Bad news: it's validating but still very heavy to sit with. 😮‍💨

You ever just have a full system crash (out) that takes a year (or more) to recover from? Or is that just me? 🙃

You might say, "But JD, how many pictures of sunrises and sunsets can you take?" As many as needed to capture the beauty of a quiet morning in the mountains.

Thank you to everyone who signal boosted the last post (and especially those who bought coffees). It truly means everything to us right now. 🖤 Especially since we are a few days away from being formally separated from our job. We love living in a hellscape where insurance is dependent on employment.

We've been in intensive treatment and out of work for awhile and we've set up a Ko-Fi to help out during this time. No expectation but if you're able to help, amazing, and if you're not in a place for that, we would love help with signal boosting. Wishing all of y'all the best during these Times™️

You know what they say about sunrise 🌄

🐝🌻🖤💛

Gonna be thinking about this night for a long, long time.

CW: parental death My father died on February 11th. My father is the main reason that I've been in intensive treatment since the start of October. To say that I am having a hard time processing this is an understatement. I could really use some good vibes put out there for me during this time.

On the struggle bus these last few days because it’s been almost four months since my breakdown and I’m frustrated and disheartened that I’m not further along in recovery and still struggling to come to terms with the fact that I can’t do so much of what I used to do. 😮‍💨

I desperately want to get back to creating. That spark is finally starting to return and I’m ready to begin carefully and cautiously stoking that fire.

Me, waking up this morning, to 2026:

My greatest accomplishment of 2025 is just surviving this past year. Everything else is secondary. Have a safe New Year's Eve, everyone. I'll catch you all on the flipside. 💜

Taking a step back from TTRPG storytelling to prioritize my mental health due to recent diagnoses and treatment needs. Refocusing on other forms of storytelling in 2026. Writing is something that I've very much missed and while it won't be the same, it is a much healthier way to create for me.

BREAKING NEWS: Gävlebocken has collapsed due to strong winds! Just like when it was devoured by birds in '23, nature steps in when man fails to step up! @sarahz.bsky.social

One thing I heard over and over again in residential is that you find out who your true friends are when you start focusing on recovery and damn if that isn’t true. And it’s still gut wrenching for the ones you lose, even when you understand that it’s ultimately for the best.

We love a cup of coffee in the morning ☕ And by morning I mean after noon.

Home for the holidays🎄

Back home after almost two months away. Still in intensive treatment and there's a long way to go but I'm glad to be home for the holidays. 🖤

2025 has been the worst year on record (which is saying something) and December apparently couldn't go by without utterly gutting me. One step forward, two steps back.

I’m an overachiever and that means I’m on track to get over 50 days on the residential unit. ✌️

CW: mental health I haven't been active or around much lately because I've been in the midst of a mental health crisis. I started a PHP several weeks ago and at some point this week I will be stepping up in care and heading out of state to a residential treatment facility for the next 30-45 days.

Universe, I am begging you to give me a break 🙃

I was thinking "disappearing" but "fading" works just as well.

Had my first day in more intensive treatment and I am so tired but so glad I am taking this step.

I'm taking a really big and scary step tomorrow and could use some good vibes sent my way because right now I'm pretty terrified. I know it's what needs to happen but it's not an easy thing to be doing.

Riv's got some plans cooking right now

'Cause I've been here so many times before Don't you think I look pretty Curled up on this bathroom floor But where you see weakness I see wit Sometimes I fall to pieces Just to see what bits of me don't fit

It really feels like everything I’ve ever worked for is for nothing and my entire world is crumbling around me.

Hey, universe, could you please give me a break? Please? I’m so tired.

I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak I'd share with you, could I only speak Just how much this hurts me