Y'all settle down about king cakes. I'm not saying they're not good, but no king cake is worth sleeping in your car over or staying up to midnight to eat. Why do people need to get stupid over everything?

Said to report that I got a bahn mi yesterday. It was gross uptown / Metairie style meaning the bread was some kind of weird Sweet roll and they actually served it with condiment packets of ketchup. We both got sick off of that crap.

I'm sick of the word "protein" appearing on fucking menus.

The White House announces the new president of Venezuela

While the world is collapsing around us, I must demand a second season of Ludwig.

Who does Trump install to run venezuela? 1. Mike Lindell 2. Riley Gaines 3. Forgiato Blow 4. Laura Loomer 5. Grok

For a second, I felt a twinge of sadness when I learned that MTV has shuttered it's music video channels. But then I remembered that by 1984 or 85 it had become largely unwatchable with the exception of liquid television and 120 minutes. So, no loss.

Ruth Miller, artist who creates hand-embroidered portraits from her studio on the Mississippi Gulf Coast #Womensart

Gratifying

In CLE. Two attorneys seated behind me nattering on and on. Annoying as fuck. I am holding a sharp pencil. To stab or not to stab.

Coming soon to the Trump Kennedy Center: Tickets are still available.

I keep seeing "Merry, xmas to those who celebrate". Fuck that, Merry xmas even to those who, like me, don't celebrate. I hope that everybody has a cool day hanging out with friends and family and eating good food. I hope you get a present or two as well. But yeah, fuck Jesus and Santa.

Parents Get Up Early To Place Santa Droppings Around Living Room To Convince Children He Visited https://theonion.com/parents-get-up-early-to-place-santa-droppings-around-li-1849919836/

Somebody asked me if the Beatles ever recorded a Christmas song. Considering that Christmas songs are by and large, shitty, and the Beatles were almost completely shitty, I was amazed to find out that, as a group, they had not.

This is the first year I made the list twice!

What sadly fucked up mad-king will Trump say on Christmas day?

The greatest lie that the devil ever told was that Stephen Miller is a sexual matador.

Republicans who claim to be waking up to the reality of trump are not allies. They are still garbage people who voted for all the cruelty that he promised. Maybe they were daft enough to ignore some obvious threats but they will gleefully vote for the next nasty tyrant too.

Your Laugh of the day 🤣 hurry up. Funny but also True😡😡🤣👏👍😎🇺🇸

On a scale of 1 to 10 my gift wrapping skills peaked at a 3 approximately 35 years ago. They are currently at a 0.7, meaning I can conceal the item contained within but all aesthetics are out the window. The whole experience is terribly traumatic for both me and the recipient.

I have appointed Jeff Landry to serve as special envoy to my butthole.

Another victim has recently come forward.

I don't think it's a good idea to be reposting fake Trump photos alleging that they are in the Epstein files. There are real photos out there, somewhere. But posting fakes gives him deniability.

joining the great machine consciousness

🤬🤬 fuck all these people

"Melania" will be an all time top 10 grossing film. Egon will buy 100s of millions of tickets but the movie will play to empty theaters.

The U.S. is giving dying mall vibes. I can't explain it, but you know I'm right.

To anybody considering watching Trump's address tonight (or melania's movie for that matter), don't. Low ratings will drive them nuts. Just read a summary of it afterwards. But don't tune in.

Following reports of three US servicemen killed in Syria, Pete hegseth has vowed to double up on selfies and learn to do real chin UPS.

Sometimes, you can't judge a book by its cover. If I see a band picture and they're wearing those dorky broad-brimmed hats, no thanks. The same goes for 21-year-olds with mustaches, most of whom can't grow a decent one.

Countdown to people doing impossibly stupid shit on chin up bars at the airport. Lawsuits to follow.

New Batch

I went to a holiday market just now. Two dick heads in white sweat suits stopped me at the door to inquire whether I had pre-registered to browse. Because I guess that's a thing now. But, they had goats.

Perhaps Donald Trump should sign an executive order declaring June 14 (his birthday) to be National Racial Animus Day.

Drag him.

Who has made this 🤣

Perfect night. Birthday dinner with my wife and then the twisted teens at the okay bar.

Trump's sad ass janky Peace prize is so much like Dawn Wiener's Special People's Club in Welcome to the Dollhouse.

One benefit of Bluesky is that I get zero engagement. So when I state unequivocally just how hard and deep Weezer sucks ass, I don't get any pushback from people with crap music taste.

We've got over 3 years to go. Before this is done we'll be talking about outrageous supreme Court decisions approving of some forms of slavery. Mark my words.

Anticipate that Mike Johnson loses his seat and gets a job as a towel boy at Mar-A-Lago