ICE has arrested Dr. Ian Roberts, an Olympic athlete and superintendent of Des Moines public schools. Anyone in the DSM area should know that people are meeting at the Neal Smith federal building around 4pm

Gave the cats catnip and they proceeded to make strange goblin noises while galloping around their bewildered father

Trying not to be needy but i just really need to cry while someone hugs me

I would’ve been really great at unassisted childbirth.

Pretty sure on a pain scale from 0-10 i’m at a 12

It took 3 whole goddamn minutes extra to fire up Hades II on my switch.

I am so nauseous I had my caretaker KT tape my belly in place

About to make a sock account to rekindle the Taco Bell vs Burger King war by shitposting on community pages

This is the best i’ve felt in months. Maybe even in a year.

My bff called and asked 1: how are you feeling? 2: did they get videos of your surgery? I wanna see what weird shit you had going on in there 🤣

This cat just herded me into bed.

I come from a family of redheads who don’t take Tylenol because if doesn’t work for us. So why am I autistic.

Kinda nervous. What do I wear for the rapture?

Hey so according to my surgeon/gynecologist my uterus was folded in half and my right ovary was the sandwich filling fuzed to it.

Rapture Tip #5: don’t hold onto anything

“Order for Yang?” I say “yeah that’s me!” *incredibly long, uncomfortable eye contact* “Here you go, have a nice day!”

Ai Yazawa said she is going to finish Nana 😭

BREAKING: Man Who Signed Artillery Shells Used to Commit War Crimes and Genocide Warns Rock Artists: Stop Using Music to Divide People

Why is every recipe suddenly french onion inspired

Tender is the Flesh, the cannibal horror satire about capitalism, is required reading in many Argentinian high schools, but everything I read in school is now banned.

I was not expecting Tiny Bookshop to be this fun! Also the scalability of the UI helps so much!!

Growing up poor taught me the value of condiments and sauces. I put Frank’s Red Hot, bbq sauce, butter, and Parmesan on my leftover pasta 🤣

This kid just fact checked me on which day of the week it is 😭

Can’t sleep bc i have the hiccups

Shane arguing with a ghost opera singing widow is absolutely the best Watcher Ghost Files moment yet

Lil one is playing a game and i asked him if he liked big cars or little cars better. He paused for a moment the answered very seriously, “TANKS.”

I OSINT because I care.

body so tea the british are coming

Minor spat with my parents because they’re convinced that GLP-1’s will cure me and mad I’m getting surgery. Bitch I could have endometriosis in my BRAIN and no amount of weight loss will fix it

seasoning my picadillo con papas

Shroyer quitting Infowars is cracking me tf up

The Woodpecker is back.

I feel like i’m being turned inside out this hurts so bad you guys, I am struggling to stay positive

MFA could be selling our images to double chin fetishists for all we know

how the fuck am I supposed to respond to this 🤣 consider my plot thickened I guess

Penpal is losing me on the presumption that a 6 year old would be this smart about being lost in the woods

Told my team I want a Labubu at the monthly meeting today

My headphones didn’t pair correctly so my phone started blasting music. I played it off with “what, you guys don’t wanna listen to Tool?”

OH AND FINALLY Stolen Tongues by Felix Blackwell had me pissed off so many times after the strong opening scene (the original nosleep) and I was worried about the portrayal of indigenous people, but that part was done respectfully despite the shitty story. The spookiest fucking opening. Then trash.

I have yet to read Patch Lane by S.F. Barkley but the original r/nosleep was so good, I hope it retains its campfire story feeling

I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid was actually pretty good?? I love an unreliable narrator though

Old Country by Harrison and Matt Query was absolute garbage; idk how it made it off of reddit tbh

I’m starting Penpal by Dathan Auerbach, which I believe is another r/nosleep that got published

Oh so Erika was a honeypot and now she’s courting power. Got it

My blood type? Low boil

I’d hoped to go the rest of the year without needing MA 💝💸… but I need to ask for help. My suspension has collapsed and I’m trying really hard to stay calm and not panic Please, please, please help me get this fixed as soon as possible Venmo: @mistresslela Cashapp: $mistresslela

Add Cat Psychologist to Nick’s resumé

getting those first "what is Helldivers?" texts

Is it pronounced integral or integral

My mom is doing weird Christian shit on my good pagan spiritualist Friday night