My wife buys the worst vape pens this tastes like shit

The NFL loves to play foreign games in London and Berlin because those feel like safe, comfortable cities to the American viewers but the NFL would never broadcast a game from a country as strange, backwards and hostile to outsiders as Utah

The Steve Winwood Woodwind Quintet

Platonic Ideal Dinner Prep Lineup

Shitting out my flaming battery under a 2004 Honda in the Costco parking lot and taking a waymo home and coming back to my unscathed 350,000 dollar 2026 Range Rover two days later like nothing happened

There’s a flash flood warning in Phoenix because of the monsoon, which is the ideal time to make a big ole pot of Cioppino with orzo, calamari, scallops and shrimp in a three vegetable San Marzano red wine broth

Leaving work a little early on a beautiful Thursday afternoon Yeah, I’m thinking it’s some Galt Jazz Time 🤔

A lady came into my department today and special ordered five cases of cola flavored mushroom kombucha for Lee kids birthday party and not to “back in my day” post but I feel like if a parent had tried that in 1999 there would have been a Jan 6th style riot of little kids at that party

I wonder what my loved ones would think if they knew, what my wife would think if she knew… that every day I wake up and I fight it, I fight the urge to put my wah wah pedal back on my board

Getting out of making dinner by sending my wife the blurriest picture I can find of the inside of our favorite restaurant with the text “U like what U see???”

Funny that international catholic nfl kickers completely changed the game and can regularly be relied on the have a decade long career of dependable 50+ yard kicks But American Catholic kickers very publicly flame out and shit the bed on national tv every time

I know it wasn’t actually George Clooney singing in The Soggy Bottom Boys, but you couldn’t tell people that in the early 2000s We just weren’t ready to hear that

Conspiracy theory coworker came in hot today talking about how he thinks the nfl referee hand signals are based on the Freemason signs of recognition and honestly? He kindof cooked with this one

I’m sorry I hid my hand bro, it’s just that I threw a stone…

So funny that modern mainstream country singers are so obsessed with looking fake tough, fake blue collar and fake outlaw when one of the best to ever do it dressed like this

Enough of this woke bullshit, it’s time to return to the REAL name for the Washington football team… 😡 That’s right, the Washington Glee Club!!!

Standing next to the magic the gathering cards at Walmart and being like “Son, do you know what you’re doing” to anyone who comes up to buy any

Thinking about Her ((My guitar))

Thinking about the most 2015 music scene thing that ever happened to me, my old R&B band’s set got pushed back to midnight so a “shuffling crew” of a dozen people could spend the prime time set slot doing their annoying dance in a big circle to the worst backing track I’ve ever heard

Lo, may the Golden God Marduk grasp Michael Penix Junior by his right hand and guide his Atlanta Falcons to the paradise and truth of the NFL Playoffs

Taking Tylenol PM and then operating heavy machinery must be fun as hell or they wouldn’t try so hard to stop us

Todd Rundgren was morally correct in his beef with John Lennon, but Lennon absolutely won the beef when he called Todd “Rumplestiltskin”

I call it John in the Box because I’m not familiar enough with the clown to call him Jack

Worship with me at the alter to pumpkins that I have built

Might have to pull what I like to call a “gentleman’s foray” after work today ((going to the Italian delicatessen and getting a Stromboli to eat while I drive home and not mention it to my wife))

RIP Robert Redford, the studio execs who tried to make Stallone cast you as Rocky were right and it would have been a better movie

I like bluegrass. I appreciate all instruments equally. That's a lie, I prefer when the mandolin goes off

Nothing better than sailing one of these smoove through the screen of a 45” CRT screen tv at your highschool buddy’s parents house because you refused to wear the wrist band

Learning that there is a place called Lake Titicaca was a landmark moment in my childhood

Venues shouldn’t be allowed to book bands for shows on October 31st Way way too scary to be a working musician out there with ghouls and skeletons and the like

renting a uhaul truck to move my ass to bed after a big dinner you know what I’m saying fellas???

Just saw the first bottles of egg nog to hit the shelves this year Nog Bros we are So Back

It’s like, when you think about… lowkey? for real?? I do Live, Laugh, Love all three of ‘em, big time

It’s time to deploy our brave troops to the cold and deadly streets of Orem, Utah

damn… wow… RIP 😔🙏🕊️ the work homie dropped his phone into the industrial baler machine wait why did something else happen?

Honor thy Unc

impossible burger with smoked gouda

Sebulba STUNS in new look at the VMAs

Smash Bros? but I love my bros, I would never want them smashed

Aisle 13 is for crippling emotional pain

“I find it kindof funny” Oh that’s nice, it’s good when things are funny “… I find it kindof sad” Oh jeez I shouldn’t have spoken so soon I’m sorry

Oppenheimer should have ended with Einstein doing that funny face when he stuck his tongue out and then boom, fade to black

if ever you have born upon you the mark of the beast (blue dallas cowboys star) you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven

thinking about my personal favorite political cartoon ever go Taliban diamondbacks, love da Taliban Diamondbacks baby

Fight or flight? Bro I just want the filet o fish.

Gerald Ford was a terrible President but I do think we should give another Michigan college football linebacker a crack at the presidency just for fun

Morrissey lyrics in The Smiths (1985): “I’ll stumble home tonight under a happy but dim light” Morrissey lyrics solo (2005): “I have problems with parliaments handling of Oliver Cromwell’s legacy”