My wife when I want to try one of her fancy yogurts

They should let Michael McDonald direct the next Star Wars movie and they should let George a Lucas sing and play keys in The Doobie Brothers

The first time I heard “I Robot” by The Alan Parsons Project I had to lull my car over because the synths rocked so hard

A display in the James Joyce museum Given my man’s subtle but astute fretwork, and the large crossover between American bluegrass/ hill country music and Irish folk music I know that I could have taught him some Brooks & Dunn songs in no time

In the military if you get in trouble and they take your rank away it’s called getting “busted down” which is funny because if my buddy was like “Yeah man I got busted down last night” I’d be like oh heeeeell yeah, you were in the club??

If Dennis Wilson and Shigeru Suzuki had the chance to team up in the mid 70’s they would have changed pop for forever tbh

How it feels being the only millennial who hates Animal Collective

My new crew member is a Polish guy who doesn’t own a cell phone because “My wife has phone for us, why do I need one?” so this week I wanted to see if he wanted to pickup some overtime hours and when I texted their number she responded within 3 minutes “He will do it.”

I’m eligible for the draft?? But I didn’t even play basketball in colle- ooooooohh THAT draft

How it feels to be one of the only millennials who hates “Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane

A little old lady’s shopping list flutters to the ground With lightening speed and alacrity I step on half of it so she can’t pick it up until she pays me in cold hard cash money hashtag entrepreneur hashtag grindset hashtag no days off

Bro did you seriously just give an account of the game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball?????

The only major university actually teaching “woke” nonsense is Berklee College of Music Nobody needs to play bass like that. Nobody, and I mean nobody needs to play guitar like that

I’ve met Dr. Pepper, and SHE is beautiful

Bro you’ve GOT to come out on St Patrick’s day!! The most annoying bar in the neighborhood has their whole parking lot fenced off so you can stand on asphalt while you drink green bud light and eat boiled cabbage in the sun!!

I think if I was Art Garfunkel I probably would have lashed out in anger and killed Paul Simon at some point

My brother in Christ you are the white boy blues

They’re calling it the fuzziest album cover of all time

I think the NBA should expand to give every metro area with a population above 500,000 people a professional basketball team A 110 team league It’s a beautiful dream

Overheard my genz coworker talking about how much he likes the new Baby Keem album but I thought he said BB King and I was like “Oh man did they put out an unreleased album? I’m so sad I never got to see him before he died, I love his stuff in the ‘Well’ era” Genz cw: “Who???”

Coworker hit me with a new one today “It’s like beating a dead horse, eventually you just get tired!”

A French knight name Sir La Table

The ultimate dream is to be a 10-12 year career journeyman utility infielder who never bats above .210

odie loves a #LunchSandwich

Willie developed some unfortunately very reactionary and flat out wrong opinions later in his life but goddamn if “Eso Se Baila Asi” isn’t one of the greatest and most raucously joyous songs ever recorded

Sugar Ray Sugar Wife Debra Sugar Brother Robert Sugar Mother Marie Sugar Father Frank

Inspired by true events

I don’t want to work I want to be with my wife ((And the incredible baked pesto penne I made last night))

We saw Gaga

*Obama if he was trying to get a bar to let his extra terrestrial friend in* Uh, let Klaxzor in here

Caprese sandwich in fresh focaccia from DeFalcos by the lake at sunset Perfect Arizona statehood day

If you’ve been trying her patience, try pink carnations! Follow for more Wilco approved valentines tips

This is how I watch Suns games

over on x the everything app some Chicago high school kid named Danny Spud tried to disrupt his school's anti-ICE protest by yelling about how much he loves ICE and then filmed himself getting walloped by a fellow student lmao the quote tweet making fun of him has 3x the likes

If you live in a snowbird state like I do and you see a Wisconsin plate, it’s safer to just assume they are drunk and drive accordingly

People are so disconnected from their food it’s wild A woman came up with a look of shocked anger and yelled “There is a piece of, of, of POOP on the celery you’re trying to sell us!!” So I went over and looked “Ma’am it’s a small clod of dirt… from the soil… where it grows…”

*To the tune of “Shout” by Tears For Fears* Ale. Stout. Pour us a drought! These are the beers that we brew about Come on!

Valentine’s Day always reminds me of this stupid thing I made

Hold all my calls… I’m watching Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers (Extended Edition) With my wife

Wild the backflips some historians will do to try and erase trans people Uuuuhhh the revolutionary Haitian leader Romaine la Prophétesse dressed and addressed herself as a woman because, uhhhh uuuh, she wanted to strengthen her connection with Mother Mary! Yeah yeah THATS why!

What’s the time? Pizza time ⏰

Thinking about John Lennon’s horrible shot form again It’s a good thing music worked out for him because this shot couldn’t even make it in the 60’s league when it was full of part time plumbers and construction workers

rock and roll photos

*guy who mishears whey protein bar as gay protein bar* Yeah sure I’ll try a gay protein bar

Bad Bunny halftime was fucking incredible Don’t listen to the Boomers! Last halftime show they got their hands on, The Who, was the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Townsend with his disgusting belly out when he tried to windmill, Daltrey phoning in his voice. Very VERY disrespectful!

When I’ve had a long day I will sometimes cheer myself up remembering that NBA journeyman JR Smith got fined $50,000 because he couldn’t stop untying his opponents shoes as a bit

If there’s one thing I love more than having my cake, it’s eating it… Quite the conundrum