Need to start planning now if I'm to have my Sexy Smaug costume ready by Halloween. Why.... yes... that is a bare spot in my armor😘

My child has taken to bringing up my being an engineer. This is problematic as I don’t want to crush youthful enthusiasm but I also don’t like to be reminded of work.

Reading “The Hobbit” to my 5 year old and may have just hurt my throat voicing Smaug

D.A.R.E. spent too much time warning about peer pressure to do drugs and not enough time warning about accepting the papacy.

My 5 year old wants to read a race car book instead of The Hobbit tonight.

2 Car Queue is my all transportation engineer 2 Live Crew cover band.

He… he knows her views have been made quite available on public media, right?

Well that was an easy unsubscribe, @workingfamilies.org

It’s amazing that we all look like this on the inside

The internet today

maybe I'm focusing on the wrong thing here but this is the wildest shit I've ever heard a white South African say and I study racism for a living

Ouroboros of Dipshittery was my high school nickname

@democrats.org guys like this are why I only donate to people primarying sitting Democrats.

It me

@heldermira.bsky.social happy birthday!

Poopin’ Cosmonaut was the theme of my senior prom

This morning, I started up my computer, and Microsoft Edge filled the screen with this message: LET'S RELIVE WHAT MADE 2025 SO SPECIAL! Dear Microsoft Edge, please let's not.

Pretty wild that I’d need to add a kilt to my normal outfit in certain areas of Scotland.

My favorite part about Wordle on the Times website is the part where it insults you. “You solved the puzzle in two steps, but your second guess was expected to leave 1.8 possible solutions as opposed to my guess which would have left 1.2. I therefore award the correct guess a 68/100, moron.”

I should buy a tuba

I want to play the "What almost killed you" game, but I don't feel like any of my encounters were close enough. Sure I've flipped over a car, a riding lawnmower, a sailboat, several bikes, and have had plenty of other close calls - but nothing that required medical attention...

Annoying that the plural of oaf is oafs and not oaves.

I’m not sure what game Dock’s is inventing but it has my interest.

Potatoes are unpleasant but they can at least be improved upon by frying them or slathering them in some form of meat sauce. The same cannot be said for sweet potatoes which are unpleasant no matter what is done to them.

Pizza is pie.

Buckaroo Bonzai Against The World Crime League

Pharma: These are the nighttime cold pills. You take them once before going to bed. Me: Makes sense. Pharma: These are the daytime cold pills. You take them a few times during the day. Me: Got it. Pharma: We give you the same amount of each in a box. Me: Wait…

USMNT has to do with soccer/football and has nothing to do with mutants, ninjas, or turtles.

Flu vaccine clinics at work are good. Clinics where you can check off boxes to get additional shots at the same time; extra good. Being sleepy from vaccines on work time instead of free time; double plus good.

Will Bored Ape NFTs increase in value due to plague monkey release, or will they further devalue out of fear of monkey herpes?

Be Not Afraid

Me: Ahh, a restful day where I don’t have to bike to work. Exercise App: Hope you like squats, bitch.

Being knocked unconscious and violated with probes may be the most I have ever done to skip out on a day of work.

Ah, and the first email about a student being hit by a car comes through. Awesome.

I want today to end but I don’t want tomorrow to begin and I can’t reconcile these thoughts

Oh dear, voir dire

They Are Giants

Ladies and gentlemen, an announcement…

those damned outdoor pigs can't keep getting away with this

The idea of strip Hot Ones popped into my head- lose a piece of clothing whenever you need a drink. Then I realized the only person I’d want to play with is my wife which would result in her fully clothed while I’m naked and crying. Why go through the extra steps if the result is a normal Saturday?

escrow

Doocy over here trying to make the left sound awesome

@heldermira.bsky.social - just spent the last 4 minutes playing John Williams’ Superman theme as my five year old held a Superman figure in front of a fan to simulate flying. Thought you’d approve.

Much better than my “Little Unseasoned Dry Chicken Breast” moniker

“Except my soul.”

Other candidates should make a show of walking, biking, or taking the subway today.

This, right here, is the problem. We need men in positions of power who will not tolerate the sexual harassment & abuse of women. Hard stop. Not men who discount the treatment of women because it doesn’t suit them politically.

Yes, most things are horrible right now, but my five year old enthusiastically watching @levarburton.bsky.social in Reading Rainbow is a small bit of comfort