maybe by "trans" MAGA meant "transactional" as in the sheriff dad getting $100K in exchange for his son?

⚡️BREAKING ⚡️ Developing story: FBI inches towards ruling Charlie Kirk’s death a suicide.

This is not a drill! This is the moment UMARF has been training for since its inception: A public outhouse has caught on fire in Rostov: t.me/etorostov/10... "the firemen who responded had only half the extinguishers needed to put it out; the fire jumped to the neighboring structures"

⚡️EXCLUSIVE⚡️ ⚡️BREAKING⚡️ In retaliation to the China retaliatory tariffs, Trump closes White House China Room, orders staff to break dishes and use paper plates. t.co/qVNU1i0eVH

nobody does it like SNL does it! kudos to the writers! kudos to the cast!

⚡️UPDATE⚡️ Your new tariff schedule will be calculated according to the widely accepted formula among the social media experts: Tariff = [posts read - posts posted] / [consonants * verbs * number of cashews]

TLDR: i like it just fine

UMARF Public Service: Teaching #MAGA English Vocabulary: Today's word is smegma

Ukrainian Ministry of Accidental Russian Fires hereby announces Tax Liberation Day for the following people: Mrs. UMARF - 25% - retaliatory Son of UMARF -50% - backdated Followers - 100% - it's about time you fuckers pay Blockers - 25% bonus payment to unblock

TLDR: CNN now projects elon musk to return to destroying $TSLA & Twitter full time. www.cnn.com/2025/04/01/p...

💫🇷🇺: The More You Know💫 For example, did you even know that 🇷🇺 is about to create its Official Dictionary of Traditional Values? 'tis true: tass.ru/politika/234... This will be a long-running 🧵 Exhibit 1: Traditional 🇷🇺 Dance:

TLDR: Elon Musk claims Cybertruck is still alt right. fortune.com/2025/03/14/e...

⚡️BREAKING⚡️ Moskvabad team fails to qualify for the 🇷🇺 Darwin Award Finals

Lukashenko offers trump rare earth minerals

Resolute Desk! Resolute Fucking Desk! get these fuckers deported, the whole lot of them

⚡️EXCLUSIVE⚡️ ⚡UNCONFIRMED⚡️ UMARF Sources: NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte invites Kanye West and Elon Musk to the 81 D-Day Celebration to present the case for the other side.

TLDR: everything 🇷🇺touches turns to shit Great news from Voronezh where entrances to concrete bomb shelters have been boarded up by authorities because they were being used as toilets. t.co/3TixtJqpZZ

stole this from Liam Nissan on twitter

any shy #fellas, you can use this as an icebreaker at parties. a printout is good for a free admission for one to a #NAFO sex tunnel (if that's still a thing; nobody tells gramps anything) tyvm ‪@vylistalo.bsky.social‬ for pinging me on this

@swegringo.bsky.social @umarf.bsky.social Champagne Supernova! 🍾🇬🇪🥂🎉 bsky.app/profile/anna... 🚌 Via @annagvarish.bsky.social

⚡️Great News⚡️ "Formal investigation of by the Partizansk ̷S̷h̷i̷t̷t̷y̷ City Prosecutor has determined the reason for the shitbumps™️ was a sewage pipe burst that led to all sorts of shit surfacing"⬇️ t.co/jmk5jc5evN

⚡️UPDATE⚡️ Partizansk city prosecutor's office has launched a formal investigation & organized inspections into the formation of shit ice and ruts, following an incident where a bus on route could not pass the day before. primamedia.ru/news/1954621/?

While your lazy ass slept, Orcistan invented shitbumps™️, speed bumps of frozen sewage, that have no analogues in the West vlad.mk.ru/incident/202... Thanks to @Prune602🫂 we are able to bring you the complete story in a 🧵⬇️ *though to me they appear more like frozen shit cracks

Great news from Novosibirsk today where "a river of shit" is going strong despite robust -21C temps. The sewage pipe explosion in Siberia's largest city also took out heat & electricity in 315 apt buildings, 60 of which are high-rises. www.moscowtimes.ru/2025/01/22/v... h/[email protected] w🫂

While your lazy ass slept, Orcistan developed 🇷🇺 Predictive AI that has no analogues in the West. 🇷🇺 through 🇷🇺AI: (part 1) Pleasant dreams.

UMARF Fashionisha Department brings the Ladies of Blue Sky more beauty tips. Straight outa Orcistan. No, no, don't thank me. No, really. Don't

⚡️Boris Fix⚡️ Tank Drive Edition t.co/LtS9l7O4cs

this is the best and the most unfair thing to post when some of us are forbidden from enjoying life's simple carbs. may i say that the vareniki with Ukrainian cherries are the best thing on the planet. i have a friend in Vyshgorod who spoiled me so with these.

Ukrainian Ministry of Accidental Russian Fires Fashionista Department presents: iz orcistan fashon shoevear for mud & snow season: cc: @nixxed.bsky.social

@swegringo.bsky.social @umarf.bsky.social Libres!!!!!!!! bsky.app/profile/maks... Via @maks23.bsky.social

Consider this a belated Chirstmas gift: "Through deceit & blackmail Ukrainian pranksters forced 🇷🇺air defense operators to shoot down the Azerbaijani airplane" Tell me you can top Ukrainian sense of humor. Gohead, i'll wait.

Thanks to our dear friend @lxsummer1.bsky.social we have a Boxing Day entry in our 🇷🇺#FireBus BINGO! All UMARF can add is that it was №903 and provide a watermark-free video gazeta.ru/auto/news/20... M-26 M-903 use a blow torch to burn them off your cards

UMARF 🇷🇺 #FireBus Christmas BINGO is this PAZ number from Chelyabinsk: t.co/WQhare57QE You may cross Ч-25 off your cards

While your lazy ass slept, Palestinians invented Ku Klux Klan

from my dear friend @eat_your_lasers on twitter:

While your lazy ass slept Orcistan had a Major Ursu t.co/DAYVZZnXJp

Meanwhile, in Syria t.me/Ukraine_365N... Merry Christmas to all!

UMARF Fashionista Department presents: "Guess What We Are Selling?" contest kicks off in a Rostov mall. t.me/etorostov/75...

If the government shuts down, does NAFO still get paid?

⚡️BREAKING - URGENT⚡️ Rostov authorities report Novoshakhtinsk Oil Refinery might be running low on structures with which to continue intercepting drones, but they can't be sure because everything appears to be heavily pixilated due to heavy smoke:⬇️ t.me/etorostov/75... pic.x.com/cwdHMUzq6K

Good morning, blue skyers. Here in Minnesota, our deadline for choosing the health insurance plan for 2025 is Wednesday. We have to choose carefully because our preferred clinics shift in and out of coverage.

While your lazy ass slept, Orcistan invented an ass muffler. appropriately, vatnik ass muffler is made with genuine vata.

Facts.....

UMARF Fashionista & Beauty Department presents: Orc Beauty Tips - Chelyabinsk Cosmetology. Lesson 1: Wrinkle Removal t.me/shot_shot/75... Women of Blue Sky, you can thank me later.

Some ask me what you can do - & there are tonnes : You can support itinative you trust. You can support my work, or drone units that help to defend us, or art therapy sessions we provide for kids in Kherson region. You can let your politicians know it’s important to you . Your influence is huge.

Celebrations abound in Rostov as it celebrates a 2 week anniversary of its warm sewage waterfall t.me/etorostov/74...

@umarf.bsky.social 8! 💛💙 💛💙 💛💙 💛💙 💛💙 💛💙 💛💙 💛💙 bsky.app/profile/olga... Via @olgapatluyk.bsky.social

they are letting the fuckers leave peacefully after all the children, mothers & grandfathers they'd murdered from the sky for over a dozen years over Aleppo & Idlib. it appears Turkey brokered the exit. now it'll be up to Ukraine to off these murderous bastards. #Hmeymim ⬇️

#Stalemate in #Syria as #FSA advancing on the Presidential Palace in #Damascus has nobody left to fight with the regular army troops changing into civilian clothes faster than FSA can advance.

With 2% in, @CNN can now project that #Assad will lose #Damascus